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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I went to the gym that I just became a member of, making an extra effort to look good because I've heard there are hot guys there. The lady at the front desk said they need to take my picture, then took a second look and said, "Don't worry hun, we'll take it when you're more prepared." FML

#948572
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49401) - you deserved it (5277)

On 04/13/2009 at 11:48am - misc - by ididlookgood (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I called my favorite radio station over and over, trying to be the 40th caller to win sold-out concert tickets, each time holding my thumb over the button to quickly hang up and re-dial if busy. I finally got through and they congratulated me being the winning caller! By habit, I hung up. FML

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He knows that I love when he breaths on my neck. When I was about to finish he put his lips a millimeter away from my neck/ear and breathed, "I love how you smell like my grandmother's house." FML

#946038
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (101470) - you deserved it (8757)

On 04/13/2009 at 8:07am - intimacy - by bodyelectric (woman) - United States

Today, I handed the keys to my Mustang to my mom so she could go car shopping. As she pulled away, I remembered the condom wrappers, sex toy packaging, and empty bottle of rum that was in the passenger's seat of my car. I'm twenty. FML

#945659
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13115) - you deserved it (75629)

On 04/13/2009 at 6:46am - intimacy - by jackass (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I drove 9 hours and took Monday off of work to surprise my Mom and Dad for Easter. They weren't home so I called to tell them the surprise, rather than wait. They didn't answer as they were on a flight to Denver to surprise me for Easter since "I couldn't get off work." FML

#945655
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69381) - you deserved it (12833)

On 04/13/2009 at 6:45am - misc - by traveller (man) - United States (New Mexico)

Today , I won 20 dollars on a lotto scratch off. My friend, pissed, makes me split the money saying its collateral for the gas money used to get us there. He then uses his 10 dollars on a scratch off, and wins 500 dollars. The jackass wouldnt split it. FML

#945188
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (110270) - you deserved it (16343)

On 04/13/2009 at 4:51am - misc - by AJShow80 - United States

Today, I went to a football sleepover with all of my teammates. I felt something near the bottom of my sleeping bag, and I pulled it up with my foot. My entire team watched me pull out a red thong. My parents had been on a camping trip the week before. FML

#943953
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63810) - you deserved it (3561)

On 04/13/2009 at 2:11am - misc - by TrueStories (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was on a small plane. A flight attendant told us that there was too much weight in the front of the plane and they needed 3 people to move to the back of the plane. I volunteer and walk to the back. She says, "Okay, we're going to need 1 more person." FML

#942565
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64484) - you deserved it (10539)

On 04/13/2009 at 12:39am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I saw my friends talking about plans for later during lunch. I walked over and asked for the plan. My best friend of 12 years gently took me aside, and said "You know that person in each group of friends that is only around to be made fun of? That's you." I just got dumped by my friends. FML

#942403
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72741) - you deserved it (4335)

On 04/13/2009 at 12:24am - misc - by LeftOut (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend asked me when my face was going to go back to normal after being swollen from having my wisdom teeth taken out last week. My face is back to normal. FML

#942012
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52052) - you deserved it (3261)

On 04/13/2009 at 12:05am - misc - by fatface (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was working as a lifeguard. A woman began to have a seizure. Nervous, I went into shock and walked into a tree, knocking myself out. Post seizure, the woman stood up and walked away. Later, I woke up in the hospital. The ambulance had arrived to take her, but ended up taking me instead. FML

#940649
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43594) - you deserved it (17561)

On 04/12/2009 at 10:49pm - health - by EpicFailAtItsFinest (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my two year old cousin was having a temper tantrum. I decided to give him a flashlight because playing with it usually distracts him. It didn't. Instead, he hit me in the face with it as hard as possible, leaving a bruise. FML

#940357
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36631) - you deserved it (23143)

On 04/12/2009 at 10:39pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was at a pool party. My friend's little sister pushed me in the pool. When I got out, I pushed her in. She started screaming, and I started laughing because I thought she was pissed that I pushed her in. That wasn't why she was screaming. She can't swim. Her whole family witnessed it. FML

#937193
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47216) - you deserved it (18403)

On 04/12/2009 at 8:24pm - misc - by imbx (woman) - United States (Florida)



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