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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend and he brushed my hair out of my eyes. Then he smiled and said "Your eyes are two different colors right now. One's blue, one's green..." I was so happy he still noticed the little things. Then he finished his sentence with "...ya know, like a dog." FML

#780789
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54757) - you deserved it (5184)

On 04/03/2009 at 10:37am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was getting ready to get in the shower. Completely naked, I pulled the curtain away and there was a huge spider on the wall in the shower. I screamed and my husband, disoriented from sleeping, came running in and knocked me over. I killed the spider with my forehead and broke my nose. FML

Today, the director of the play I'm in decided to show us an example of the type of shoes we would be wearing in the show. She brings in a pair of hideous black combat boots, and I remark how ugly they are. They're her own favorite boots. I had to carpool with her after rehearsal. FML

#777517
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10069) - you deserved it (54214)

On 04/03/2009 at 1:10am - work - by Boothater (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend sent me a text telling me to turn the radio on to a certain station. When I did, there was a talk show on, and the host was ranting about how important it is for women to control themselves and not be emotional. My boyfriend continued texting me, asking if I was listening. FML

#776706
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51950) - you deserved it (13492)

On 04/03/2009 at 12:17am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I saw a lesbian couple walking through the mall. One of the ladies walked up to me in the middle of the busy mall and started screaming at me about how rude it is to stare, and how we are all equal- straight or not. I was only staring because I'm a lesbian too, and they were hot. FML

#774931
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (162757) - you deserved it (26520)

On 04/02/2009 at 10:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was in an audition for a production at this theater in town. The directors at the table loved my audition. One of them said "I'd love to talk to you about coming to TCU." I said "Oh, yeah! I know Harry Parker at TCU who runs the theater department." I said this to Harry Parker. FML

#774654
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10100) - you deserved it (83539)

On 04/02/2009 at 10:12pm - work - by Zak (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I used the community vacuum to clean my dorm. When spots started appearing on the floor, I assumed it was leaking water. By the time I finished there were tons of wet spots on the floor. Later I found out that someone had just used that very vacuum to suck up vomit. FML

#773670
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58767) - you deserved it (4533)

On 04/02/2009 at 8:46pm - misc - by ewww (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was trying to get drama students to attempt to make themselves cry. I was not having any luck, until suddenly a girl burst into tears, sobbing uncontrollably. I jumped up to applaud, saying what a wonderful thing it is to have such expressive kids. Turns out her grandma just died. FML

#773516
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53267) - you deserved it (9681)

On 04/02/2009 at 8:37pm - misc - by dramateach11 (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, was my 16th birthday. Needless to say, I was delighted when my friends presented me with a birthday card in a homeroom. I pretended to be surprised and exclaimed, "Aw, you guys really shouldn't have!" They didn't. It was our teacher's birthday. They just wanted me to sign the card. FML

#771918
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56243) - you deserved it (4635)

On 04/02/2009 at 7:12pm - misc - by happyeffingbday202 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found out that because of my high blood pressure I can't have sex for one month. My wedding is next weekend and the following two weeks are my honey moon. FML

#771915
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (233936) - you deserved it (24493)

On 04/02/2009 at 7:12pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was babysitting for a new family. While the father was telling me about bed times and how to reach him, their dog started humping my leg. As I tried to discreetly push the dog away, his paw got caught in the pocket of my huge sweatpants, pulling them down. I was wearing a thong. FML

#771625
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64716) - you deserved it (11016)

On 04/02/2009 at 7:05pm - animals - by darlingditz (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my fiancé turned 21. I stayed up and took care of him for 3 hours while he puked his guts out. When I FINALLY get him to bed, he jumps up and rips the lid off a plastic container on the floor and pukes in it. It was full of all my yearbooks, baby pictures, and childhood memories. FML

#771501
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (136870) - you deserved it (12445)

On 04/02/2009 at 6:51pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I got into a huge fight with my boyfriend after driving 200 miles to see him. While arguing, I told him I never wanted to see him again and left after slamming the front door. I left my car keys in his kitchen. FML

#768625
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17717) - you deserved it (53849)

On 04/02/2009 at 4:16pm - misc - by nokeys (woman) - United States (New York)



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