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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, at work, the prizes were given to the employee of the month. They come in to surprise the winner and give prizes. They come over to my cubicle and cover me with silly string. Jokingly, I said: "Do you guys have the wrong cubicle? " They did. The guy in the next cubicle won. FML

#1497553
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49579) - you deserved it (6055)

On 04/30/2009 at 5:42pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my sister had her batmitzvah. During the party, there is a tradition where the batmitzvah gets lifted on a chair, and so does her family. It was my turn after my sister's. I got in the chair. They couldn't lift me. FML

#1495877
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44714) - you deserved it (26117)

On 04/30/2009 at 4:54pm - misc - by ashley (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I didn't have any money to buy a tampon from the dispenser at my school but my hands are small enough so I can just slide them up and grab one. My hand got stuck in the dispenser and my school had to call the fire department. Now everyone calls me tampon girl. FML

#1493911
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28729) - you deserved it (63802)

On 04/30/2009 at 3:56pm - misc - by obeezy (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went to get the Apple store, my Mac had been making a grinding noise from the fan. The guy put his ear to the keyboard and said there was a CD in the drive so I couldn't hear the grinding from the fan. He ejected the CD. It was porn. FML

#1493509
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14037) - you deserved it (92378)

On 04/30/2009 at 3:44pm - intimacy - by cait (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my serious boyfriend was talking about how he wants to get engaged and married. I was really happy until he said he's excited mainly for the tax benefits. FML

#1493451
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47804) - you deserved it (3846)

On 04/30/2009 at 3:42pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, a telemarketer called for my dad. Jokingly, I said, "I haven't seen him for like five days...I'm starting to get worried," in my best child-like voice. Apparently the telemarketer called Child Protective Services. I'm 20. FML

#1490808
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14945) - you deserved it (62853)

On 04/30/2009 at 2:03pm - misc - by Telemistake (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was babysitting a 4 year-old with a speech impediment. I asked her, "Do you got your bag?" And she said, "No. I have my bag. Babies say got. I'm a big girl." I am 20 years old and in the honors program in my college. I was corrected by a 4 year-old with a speech impediment. FML

#1490336
265 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14737) - you deserved it (93943)

On 04/30/2009 at 1:42pm - kids - by Nanny (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my coworker sent an email to the whole company asking us to fill in a survey. I've been secretly seeing her for two months, so I responded with "sure thing baby, and by the way I ran out of condoms, can you bring more for tonight?" I accidentally hit reply all. FML

#1489394
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14714) - you deserved it (83260)

On 04/30/2009 at 12:54pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, is my long-anticipated 21st birthday! Today also happens to be the first day of my period. I've spent the whole morning in the fetal position with agonizing cramps, reduced to tears and whimpering while the painkiller refuses to kick in. Happy birthday! Love, my uterus. FML

#1487468
309 comments

I agree, your life sucks (87154) - you deserved it (8447)

On 04/30/2009 at 11:11am - health - by buymeadrank (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, 3 of the 4 stalls were occupied in the rest room. I took the 4th stall. Upon sitting, I let out one of the longest, loudest farts I have done in a long time. Next, I hear "Hey, how's it going?". I was CORRECTLY identified by a co-worker hearing me fart. FML

#1487277
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52056) - you deserved it (10257)

On 04/30/2009 at 10:55am - work - by RckRagman (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I found out my best friend had 3 birthday parties for herself over the weekend. I wasn't invited to any of them. When I asked her why, she said I "didn't fit in" to any of the groups that were at the parties. All my other friends were invited. FML

#1487200
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52977) - you deserved it (3575)

On 04/30/2009 at 10:51am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States



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