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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I worked a car wash as a fundraiser. Being nice I figured I'd bring my car, get it washed, and donate some money. When it was my car's turn to be washed, everyone was conveniently busy washing other cars. My car was in front and needed to be washed and moved. I paid $10 to wash my own car. FML

#1345183
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41871) - you deserved it (10114)

On 04/26/2009 at 1:38am - misc - by fail (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, one of the guests I was in the middle of seating knocked an empty wine glass from the table. I assured them it was all right and kneeled down to pick up the now broken glass. The lady insisted on helping as far as picking the glass up and dumping the shards into my open hands. FML

#1342921
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45088) - you deserved it (3416)

On 04/26/2009 at 12:35am - work - by shadowednavi (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was hanging out at my school with some friends when my mom came to pick me up. A girl I knew wanted a hug before I left. I turned around to hug her and a clip on my backpack got stuck on her tank top. I tuned away the clip pulled the shirt ripping it and exposing her naked chest. FML

#1342086
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63646) - you deserved it (7942)

On 04/26/2009 at 12:11am - misc - by Mikey (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was walking in the kitchen with my parrot on my shoulder and my dog running around. Something freaked out my bird and she bit my ear and started flapping her wings in my face. Surprised, I took a step back, tripped over my dog, fell, hit my head on the stove, and got knocked unconscious. FML

#1341827
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49161) - you deserved it (7767)

On 04/26/2009 at 12:07am - kids - by margretlle (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my best friend and I performed a rap to our whole school. The rap was "made up" by our friend. After the performance, a lot of friends asked me why I did a rap from Hannah Montana. Apparently the rap was off of a show for 8 year olds. We are 17 and people think we watch Hannah Montana. FML

#1336947
255 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15187) - you deserved it (51074)

On 04/25/2009 at 10:03pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, was my 16th birthday and I was supposed to be surprised with a new car. I have overheard my parents talking about bringing it home tonight while I was at a friend's house. We snuck back to my house to see them bring my car home. All I saw was my Dad crash my new car into a street lamp. FML

#1334002
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52070) - you deserved it (13020)

On 04/25/2009 at 8:44pm - misc - by crashednowcrushed (woman) - United States (California)

Today, at the rescue group I volunteer at, we finally adopted out a dog that has been with us for a few years now. This was an amazing thing for us because we never thought he'd get adopted. As we were getting excited and hugging each other, the dog ran away. FML

#1331551
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40740) - you deserved it (7405)

On 04/25/2009 at 7:36pm - animals - by ugh (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, while walking through the halls of my high school, me and my boyfriend shared a quick kiss. A young teacher walks by and tells us to stop due to Personal Display of Affection rules at our school. She then looks at my boyfriend and tells him he could do so much better. FML

#1328143
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63533) - you deserved it (5861)

On 04/25/2009 at 5:51pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was in the shower and had just finished washing my face. When I put the soap down I noticed a curly, black hair stuck to it. Im blond. The only other person who uses that bathroom is my uncle. I just rubbed my uncle's pubic hair all over my face. FML

#1323775
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49980) - you deserved it (8425)

On 04/25/2009 at 3:24pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I spent 90 dollars and two and a half hours getting my hair done at a fancy salon. As I was unlocking my car, a bird pooped in my hair. FML

#1323390
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51093) - you deserved it (11301)

On 04/25/2009 at 3:12pm - animals - by birdmagnet (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, is my boyfriend and my 3 year anniversary. We decided to give each other something that we really needed. I bought him the $300 worth of books that he needed for college. He surprised me with a workout video and exercise equipment. FML

#1322520
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50462) - you deserved it (10433)

On 04/25/2009 at 2:41pm - love - by fmlgirl (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I received my new cell phone and activated my account. As part of the package, I get to choose five numbers that I can call without using any minutes. I could still only think of three numbers I call regularly: my parent's house, my mom's cell and my ex's cell. FML

#1318929
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43820) - you deserved it (12348)

On 04/25/2009 at 12:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, it was my birthday and everyone in the office chipped in to buy me a card, and nothing but a card. It had a pre-written message on it and a space to write "Love, *insert name*" where everyone signed their names. The "Love" was crossed out and replaced with "From". FML

#1316635
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52886) - you deserved it (4660)

On 04/25/2009 at 10:23am - work - by Gabrielguitar (man) - United States (Florida)



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