Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from United States

Today, the girl I've had a crush on forever asked me why the pin on my Letterman jacket had two guys doing it. I told her it was for participating in a wrestling tournament. And she responded, "Oh I thought you were finally coming out of the closet!" FML

#703892
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58485) - you deserved it (6270)

On 03/30/2009 at 4:16pm - love - by Seanzy (man) - United States (California)

Today, my parents punished me and made me wash my mouth out with soap for cursing. I'm almost 19. I said the word "hell". FML

#703894
317 comments

I agree, your life sucks (186521) - you deserved it (31082)

On 03/30/2009 at 4:16pm - misc - by jdsksoapy (woman) - United States

Today, my mom has been calling me every ten minutes, asking me questions about her new computer. She called me at work, and I rudely answered her question. She called back, talked to my boss, saying she was a customer that called in, and I was rude to her. FML

#701960
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78365) - you deserved it (15043)

On 03/30/2009 at 2:08pm - misc - by Tiak (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was going through airport security. As my bags were being scanned, I was told that I was selected for extra searching. Right as the security guard was about to frisk me, he froze up and asked me, "You're a male, right?" I am, and I used to think that it was obvious. FML

#701827
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63871) - you deserved it (4201)

On 03/30/2009 at 1:44pm - misc - by androgynous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, a mother wrote me a $130 check for babysitting her four kids for a few hours. Trying to be gracious, I said, "Wow, thank you, this is very generous!" She thought for a minute, then said, "You're right." She took the check back, ripped it up, and wrote me a new one for $55. FML

#699603
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74191) - you deserved it (28189)

On 03/30/2009 at 9:34am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was at my boyfriends house and we were having sex. He has a game on in the background and one of his friends started talking to him. He immediately threw me off and said "I have to answer this." He went over to his computer and started talking to them. FML

Today, I was working out out at the gym doing squats. There was a girl there that I wanted to impress so I loaded up the bar with a lot of weight and began to do my squat. As I was going down I farted so loud that I began to laugh and fell backwards. Everyone in the room just stared at me. FML

#697920
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19953) - you deserved it (68819)

On 03/30/2009 at 3:06am - misc - by Mark (man) - United States

Today, I was at work at Panera. A blind woman came in, ordered and said other blind people were going to come in soon, because they were having a meeting. Later, a man comes in and ask if any other blind people had showed up. I told him there was just one in here wearing a blue shirt. FML

#697530
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17656) - you deserved it (84381)

On 03/30/2009 at 2:18am - misc - by superstar (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I volunteered at a nursing home. I approached a lonely, old man who had a type of nervous tick. I went over to speak to him, and not even four sentences into our conversation he says, "I'd really like to make love to you." What I thought was a tick was actually him stroking himself. FML

#697390
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63900) - you deserved it (4006)

On 03/30/2009 at 2:10am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I asked a boy I like to prom by writing all over his car. After nervously sitting by the phone all day, I decided to go out to get lunch. I found the word "No!" written all over my car. FML

#696995
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34458) - you deserved it (59703)

On 03/30/2009 at 1:39am - misc - by lauren (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was at work, about to go to lunch. There were some girl scouts out front selling cookies. I told my manager that I would be using a different exit, and when he asked why, I told him that girl scouts really annoy the crap out of me. The girl scouts out front were his daughters. FML

#695786
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20264) - you deserved it (58957)

On 03/30/2009 at 12:41am - work - by musicman2005 (man) - United States (California)



FML's blog

  • Élodie's Illustrated FML
  • Aaaaah, the beach, the sunshine, cool water against our skin...  Nah, just kidding, I can't afford a trip to the beach. This blog is being written from a grotty apartment in the less salubrious parts of…

Friday 18 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: