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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was getting onto an airplane and happened to admire the stewardess. I was walking onto the plane and was just about to talk to her when my foot slipped into the crack between the boarding ramp and the plane. Not only did she laugh as I limped to my seat but now I have bruised nuts. FML

#1284162
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38167) - you deserved it (9562)

On 04/24/2009 at 5:37am - misc - by balancestrikesagain (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I met a really cute guy at work. He asked for my number, and I wrote it down on a piece of paper. After looking at the paper, he crumpled it up, yelled "Do you think I'm stupid? I know the rejection hotline when I see it", and walked away. It was my real phone number. FML

#1283810
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63261) - you deserved it (3432)

On 04/24/2009 at 4:18am - love - by sad (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was studying for a midterm, so I put my computer on the side of my desk to make more room for my books. My roommate came in while I wasn't paying attention and tackle-hugged me from behind - I fell over, knocking my computer out the window. I live on the 8th floor. FML

#1283186
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55283) - you deserved it (7057)

On 04/24/2009 at 2:41am - misc - by avanti (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was closing the deal on this beautiful $200k ranch in the country. The buyer soon pulls up and we get to discussing the contract terms, soon the buyer asks the seller," Wow why is this house going so cheap?" The seller replies, "Do you believe in ghosts?" There goes my $8,000 commission. FML

#1283082
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46500) - you deserved it (5018)

On 04/24/2009 at 2:27am - misc - by dontaskdonttell (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I went to the mall with a couple of friends. While walking through the parking lot, we saw a very dirty car. You couldn't even see the inside of the car through the windows. I thought it would be funny to trace on the window, "Wash Me." After doing so, the driver got out of the car. FML

#1280254
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8797) - you deserved it (58870)

On 04/24/2009 at 12:38am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my boss confessed to me that she doesn't know how to change the staples in the staplers at work, so she just switches them when they run out. We work at an office supply store. She makes six figures. I make $10 an hour. And she just got awarded a trip to Aruba for doing a "great job". FML

#1280200
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57039) - you deserved it (2915)

On 04/24/2009 at 12:36am - work - by Idiocracy (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I parked my car on the street late at night, when I was distracted by a text message. Some guy then gets in my passenger side. Panicked, thinking I was being robbed, I bolt out of my car bruising my head and dropping my phone onto the pavement. The guy meant to get in the car behind me. FML

#1278797
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42252) - you deserved it (6276)

On 04/23/2009 at 11:53pm - misc - by NoFightResponse (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was meeting my girlfriend at the airport after studying abroad for a year. She ran to hug me, and I wanted to pick her up and spin her around, like they do in those romantic movies. I tried to do that, but instead I dropped her. FML

#1268284
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17829) - you deserved it (49839)

On 04/23/2009 at 7:43pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I got dressed in what I thought was a really adorable outfit. I had a cute pink skirt on, a white tank top and silver strappy sandal heels. On my way to the mall a car pulls over and this guy asks me how much for three hours. FML

#1259995
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27834) - you deserved it (70340)

On 04/23/2009 at 4:07pm - intimacy - by gabormelchior (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was home by myself. I was singing "If I Had A Million Dollars" really loudly since I figured no one could hear me. As I'm really into the song, my neighbor shouts, "If I had a million dollars, I'd give it to you to stop singing" and slams his balcony door shut. FML

#1259883
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35358) - you deserved it (26711)

On 04/23/2009 at 4:04pm - misc - by NotAmericanIdol (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had an interview for a job in a professor's lab. He seemed like a really nice, grandfatherly old guy. We got up to go take a look around the lab, and he held out his arms really wide to me... so I went in for a hug. Turns out he was just gesturing for me to go through the door first. FML

#1259659
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16872) - you deserved it (47712)

On 04/23/2009 at 3:51pm - work - by Kylene (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She started panting harder and going, "AH, AH, AH..." and I thought she was about to come. Next thing I know, there's snot splattered all over my face and neck. Turns out it was a sneeze. FML

#1259503
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69832) - you deserved it (8086)

On 04/23/2009 at 3:47pm - intimacy - by snotface (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I had to go to my 10 year old son's school to talk about my job being a chef. As I was almost finished, I asked the kids "What would you like to do when you grow up?" Without hesitation one kid replied with a straight face , "Anything but being a douchebag like you." FML

#1253914
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59198) - you deserved it (5393)

On 04/23/2009 at 11:51am - work - by helen_ (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)



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