FMLs submitted from United States

Today, when I logged onto facebook, I discovered a friend request from my ex who broke up with me and deleted me months ago. Upon adding her, I was taken to her profile where I saw dozens of status updates talking about how much she loves her new boyfriend, who she dumped me for. FML

by lmiller / 01/23/2010 at 10:29pm / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, I was pondering the meaning of life - why I'm here, why anyone is here, why go on, and whether it's worth it... Then it hit me. The football in the head, not the meaning of life. FML

by ceedee / 01/23/2010 at 9:14pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my little brother learned to write his name. How did he tell the family? By writing it in permanent marker all over my 100 year old piano. FML

by onemoreruinedthing / 01/23/2010 at 7:26pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, I came home to find my little sister had decided to play hopscotch under our carport. Feeling a small childish urge, I decided to hop on one leg to the front door. I tripped and fell, slicing my knee open. FML

by Anonymous / 01/23/2010 at 6:18pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I asked my friend who is a fashion major why she didn't want to use me as a model for her senior project. She said my boobs were too big. I doubt it'd have been an issue if I were a girl. FML

by fatty / 01/23/2010 at 4:44pm / United States (North Carolina) / Health

Today, I weighed myself. When I was fifteen, my mom yelled at me, saying that I was going to end up being 200 pounds by the time I was forty. Well, mom, you're wrong. At this rate I'll be 200 pounds by the time I'm twenty. FML

by notaguidette / 01/23/2010 at 2:47pm / United States (New Jersey) / Health

Today, I realized that I am the only one among my group of friends who names their bowel movements. FML

by rainydays79 / 01/23/2010 at 2:12pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was washing my hair in the shower when the water went ice cold. It's 20 degrees outside and we have soft water which takes a longer time to wash away soap. FML

by Moondoggie_ggk69 / 01/23/2010 at 12:53pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous

Today, the boy I've liked for the past 8 years asked me out and then dumped me when he realized that I was taller than he was. FML

by Anonymous / 01/23/2010 at 10:06am / United States (Indiana) / Love

Today, I went fishing with friends looking to catch big redfish. During the trip, one of the men caught a 50 pound monster which I put away. At the end of the trip they wanted to take a picture with it. I went to wash off the fish in the water. Apparently the fish wasn't dead and swam away. FML

by fisherman / 01/23/2010 at 5:12am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. My phone started ringing and it was my Mom, she said I could answer it. As I answered the phone my girlfriend started playing with my dick. I moaned. Loud. FML

by BlackPolarbear / 01/23/2010 at 3:05am / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

Today, I was walking on a main street downtown. Suddenly, I felt someone slap my butt. I turned around, expecting to be my girlfriend who was to meet me there and almost gave an old homeless man a kiss on the cheek. FML

by Anonymous / 01/23/2010 at 3:05am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I made a Facebook under a guy's name and I'm sending myself wall posts just so it looks like I actually talk to a guy. FML

by Brit / 01/23/2010 at 1:34am / United States (Kansas) / Love