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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I jokingly went over to a an attractive female co-worker and said "you look like you need a hug". She told me she wasn't feeling well and didn't want to be touched. No more than 30 seconds after our encounter she ran to give one of our more attractive male co-workers a hug. FML

#828756
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51988) - you deserved it (9557)

On 04/06/2009 at 12:39am - misc - by Lastsecondstand - United States (New York)

Today, I was walking out of a Starbucks and saw someone walking out behind me, thinking it would be the nice thing to do I held the door open. I was holding the door for about 30 seconds before realizing I was holding the door for my own shadow. FML

#828379
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17738) - you deserved it (59718)

On 04/06/2009 at 12:14am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was hungry and decided to nibble on some cheez-its I had in my room. After I had enjoyed some of them, I looked into the box to see how many I had left, where I noticed a lot of little black moving dots. Apparently I wasn't the only one enjoying the crackers. FML

#827222
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55946) - you deserved it (15247)

On 04/05/2009 at 11:19pm - misc - by hungry (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was ringing up a lady and her daughter at the shoe store I work at. The background on my nametag is a rainbow, and when the daughter saw it, she asked her mother why it was so. Her mother looks at my nametag, then me, then turns to her daughter and says "Because he hates God honey". FML

#827000
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64897) - you deserved it (4514)

On 04/05/2009 at 11:14pm - work - by maconda99 (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, the 7 year old boy I was babysitting studied my upper lip and said "It's okay, my daddy won't let me shave yet either." I'm a girl. FML

#821314
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55124) - you deserved it (8079)

On 04/05/2009 at 6:04pm - misc - by YAABOIII (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, a car was waiting for me to cross the street so I thought it would be funny to slowly limp across the street. When I got to the end, I jumped as high as I could to show I was faking. Turns out I tripped and hit my head hard on the sidewalk. That car took me to the hospital. FML

#820879
355 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19002) - you deserved it (250946)

On 04/05/2009 at 5:39pm - misc - by funnyguyNOT (man) - United States

Today, I hired a babysitter, so my husband and I could spend some time together and work on our failing marriage. I dressed up. We went out. He got drunk and puked on me. FML

#820741
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (81194) - you deserved it (6713)

On 04/05/2009 at 5:34pm - love - by IfuSeekAmyIdo (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was delivering packages to patients in the hospital for my job. My boss gave me a room to deliver to, and I drop it off as usual. But my boss gave me the wrong room number. I had to walk in, apologize, and take back balloons and a stuffed animal from a crying 6year old patient. FML

#819643
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (117472) - you deserved it (7155)

On 04/05/2009 at 4:17pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my parents came home after being out of town for the weekend. I stayed home, did homework and completely cleaned the house, thinking I could earn some brownie points with them. They saw how clean the house was and accused me of covering up a party. FML

#819596
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79840) - you deserved it (5725)

On 04/05/2009 at 4:15pm - misc - by brizzle (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was riding my bike and stopped at a street light. A little girl looked at me, then asked her mother, "Mommy, why does that girl have a ring through her nose?" Her mother then replied, "Because her parents don't love her." FML

#818828
259 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64328) - you deserved it (17661)

On 04/05/2009 at 3:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was having sex with a girl I had just met. After about 5 minutes in, she said she had to go to the bathroom. So we stopped and she went to the bathroom. After waiting around 10 min, I decided to check if she was ok. The window was open. She was gone. FML

#818670
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (98544) - you deserved it (33753)

On 04/05/2009 at 3:15pm - intimacy - by dfhgblsf (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to meet his parents. They informed me they were lawyers throughout the meal, which explained the gorgeous house. My boyfriend excitedly told them I was promoted manager at my job. They asked where I work. I work at Burger King. FML

#814621
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53067) - you deserved it (7933)

On 04/05/2009 at 10:12am - misc - by Vac (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to the doctor's office because my wife and I were having some fertilization problems. As I removed my pants, the doctor simply looked at my penis and said "mhm." My wife laughed the whole way home. FML

#814298
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70853) - you deserved it (4671)

On 04/05/2009 at 9:32am - health - by manlyman (man) - United States (Virginia)



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