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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was at my new apartment. My fiancé was coming home so I filled the apartment with candles and put on some sexy music. When he came up to my door, I answered the door, naked. What I didn't know was that he was bringing his dad to see the new apartment. FML

#1017067
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73053) - you deserved it (32361)

On 04/16/2009 at 10:49am - intimacy - by nudesurprise (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I changed the locks on my apartment so my crazy ex girlfriend couldn't get in. I went to her house to return her house key. I accidentally gave her the key to my new locks, and can't find her old house key. Now I need her to come let me in to my own house. FML

#1017007
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19724) - you deserved it (53472)

On 04/16/2009 at 10:47am - misc - by xnickx (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I discovered that I had left my sunroof open all night during a storm and my front seats was soaked. I grabbed a towel for my seat but didn't close my sunroof because it was nice out. As I pull out of my driveway, I felt something wet hit my forehead. A bird shit on me through my sunroof. FML

#1016784
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56551) - you deserved it (15308)

On 04/16/2009 at 10:38am - animals - by oops1234 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to a bar with two guys I was interested in. The first I'd been trying to go out with all semester. The second I had gone to dinner with and he seemed nice. I was the designated driver. They drank too much and, on the way home, hooked up in the back seat. FML

#1014149
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (98615) - you deserved it (15007)

On 04/16/2009 at 4:40am - intimacy - by sad_gay (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was horsing around after my big test. Someone punched me softly on my back. Figuring it was my friend, I turned around and did a roundhouse kick. It was my girlfriend. FML

#1012847
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13013) - you deserved it (74332)

On 04/16/2009 at 2:47am - misc - by filipinoclari808 (man) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, my friend and I were seeing a movie. We ended up sitting next to a man who was continually laughing, clapping, and bouncing up and down on his seat. Extremely annoyed, we turned to him and told him to "shut the fuck up". Turns out he had downs syndrome and ran out of the theater crying. FML

#1010714
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25059) - you deserved it (139504)

On 04/16/2009 at 1:08am - misc - by katem (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was driving home from work when I saw a cop come up behind me. Nervous about my expired license, I kept checking in my rear view mirror. In turn since I wasn't paying attention, I ran a stop sign. Needless to say the cop pulled me over and gave me 2 tickets. FML

#1010703
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9418) - you deserved it (61107)

On 04/16/2009 at 1:08am - misc - by imnotcool (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went shopping with my friend. The store was having a special where if you spend over $75 you receive a free T-shirt. I paid for my items and my total was over $75. The salesman didn't hand me a shirt so I asked him for one. He looks at me and says "I'm sorry, we only have Mediums." FML

#1008885
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55018) - you deserved it (6700)

On 04/16/2009 at 12:11am - misc - by arrogantlondon (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I sent a cover letter to a potential employer. In the letter, I talked about my great attention to detail, my strong ability to focus, and my stellar writing skills. After hitting send, I reread the letter and noticed that I typed my name "B-R-A-I-N." My name is Brian. FML

#1008813
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14202) - you deserved it (50839)

On 04/16/2009 at 12:09am - work - by jusfonzin (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was having a panic attack so I called my parents. My brother answered to say my parents couldn't come to the phone because they were watching 24. Its ten o'clock and 24 is not on now. They were watching 24 on TiVo and couldn't pause it to come to the phone. FML

#1006191
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50805) - you deserved it (4768)

On 04/15/2009 at 10:32pm - misc - by happyharriet (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I decided to snack on some MandM's. I saw my dog sniffing something and realized one of my MandM's had fallen on the floor. To prevent my dog from eating the chocolate, I hurriedly snatched the MandM off the ground and ate it. When I bit down, I realized it wasn't an MandM. It was a dead beetle. FML

#1003972
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31387) - you deserved it (54230)

On 04/15/2009 at 9:22pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I had dinner with the girl I thought I would end up marrying. Everything was going well and after I had paid the bill, she said she was a lesbian. Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, she challenged me to see who could hook up with a straight girl first. I lost. FML

#1002619
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79415) - you deserved it (6546)

On 04/15/2009 at 8:13pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was struggling through an exam and the hot girl next to me seemed to be flying through the questions. So I cheated off her. When we finished I asked her to lunch. She said "No, I just rushed through the exam so I can go fuck my boyfriend." I got shutdown and probably failed an exam. FML

#1001341
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9390) - you deserved it (83018)

On 04/15/2009 at 7:30pm - misc - by ananomoose - United States (Vermont)



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