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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I called my boyfriend and when he answered, I said the dirtiest thing I could think of to him on the phone. After a long silence, I heard, "Lacey? Is that you?" I accidentally called my dad. FML

#3664691
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18432) - you deserved it (66544)

On 07/11/2009 at 11:13am - intimacy - by crazyt446 (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my daughter was telling everyone at her elementry school about my gay partner. Yes, I have a gay partner. He is my work partner and he happens to be gay. FML

#3663410
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54311) - you deserved it (4687)

On 07/11/2009 at 9:14am - misc - by charma (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, as I was bent over at my waitressing job an elderly woman walked by and smacked my ass. I looked at her, shocked, and she said, "It was too tempting with you bent over like that, I have a dirty old mind." I didn't know whether to be flattered or horrified. Maybe both. FML

#3661940
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43999) - you deserved it (5903)

On 07/11/2009 at 5:10am - work - by grannysmack (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was involved in a car accident. I wasn't the driver of either car. I happened to be a passerby that was hit by a falling stop sign as a car hit it. FML

#3660807
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51270) - you deserved it (2362)

On 07/11/2009 at 3:43am - misc - by ttsutaoka (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went with my sister to get our eyebrows waxed. I didn't think my eyebrows were that bad--and they weren't! When the guy waxed my eyebrows, he gestured my lips and said, "Moustache, too?" Mortified, I said, "No!" to which he replied, "Aw, someone no get kissy tonight." FML

#3658638
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40852) - you deserved it (9077)

On 07/11/2009 at 1:58am - misc - by RR (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my visiting cousin was driving me to pick-up and pay for my wedding cake at the bakery. The cops pulled him over for speeding and as it turns out his license was expired. I ended up having to use my wedding cake money to bail him out of jail. FML

#3657185
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37534) - you deserved it (2995)

On 07/11/2009 at 1:06am - misc - by mellbelle32 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went on a date, and everything was going fine- until the ride home. On the way, I starting having progressively bad stomach pains. Once she left the car, I passed the worst gas that I had ever encountered. As I began to drive, she knocked on the window. She forgot her purse in the car. FML

#3656488
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40048) - you deserved it (4964)

On 07/11/2009 at 12:42am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was playing tennis with my friend. He hit a ball up high, and I slammed it down, thinking there was no way he would get it. Feeling pretty good about it, I turned around to celebrate. As I turned around, I got smacked in my face. He got it. FML

#3655783
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6751) - you deserved it (50479)

On 07/11/2009 at 12:20am - misc - by Name (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my mum called and told me she had bought me a new, white dish washer for my apartment because it doesn't have one. I was SO excited and told her I'd pay her back as soon as I could. I only had to pay her $1.25. She bought me a sponge. FML

#3650725
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40307) - you deserved it (7836)

On 07/10/2009 at 9:09pm - money - by thanksalot (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I worked up the courage to ask my crush out for coffee after work. She agreed and I confidently said "Alright, it's a date!" She replied, "Haha a date with you? I'm just going for the free coffee!" FML

#3650677
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52235) - you deserved it (3977)

On 07/10/2009 at 9:08pm - love - by negromancer - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was walking through airport security when a guard began making lewd gestures at his crotch, while looking at me. I was outraged until I realized he was trying to tell me that my fly was down. FML

#3649387
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10665) - you deserved it (37857)

On 07/10/2009 at 8:16pm - misc - by jennyygrace - United States (Florida)

Today, my wife and I decided to try a relationship book. The first activity was to write down some things your partner does that bothers you. I made a very long list, then my wife and I swapped papers. She'd written, "nothing, I love everything about you." She read my list and began tearing up. FML

#3648052
289 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24893) - you deserved it (66001)

On 07/10/2009 at 7:18pm - love - by failhusband (man) - United States (Utah)



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