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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I had my sweet sixteen party. All my best friends came to the microphone to make a little speech. When my boyfriend came to do his, he broke up with me. FML

#4687327
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61036) - you deserved it (5477)

On 08/20/2009 at 5:21pm - love - by 16isntsweet (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my 14 year old daughter told me she's pregnant. I work as a public speaker for promoting celibacy and safe sex. FML

#4685696
388 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57386) - you deserved it (42835)

On 08/20/2009 at 4:15pm - intimacy - by younggrammy (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. When I asked her why she did, she said that the psychic that she was texting (one of those 44644 numbers) said we have a 2% compatibility rating. How does that explain 4 years of happy dating? FML

#4682415
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51049) - you deserved it (3985)

On 08/20/2009 at 1:50pm - love - by ihatemylife (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, an extremely attractive woman from FedEx came to deliver my new phone. I was wearing athletic shorts and had an erection. She looked down and laughed. FML

#4680199
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39585) - you deserved it (18254)

On 08/20/2009 at 11:55am - intimacy - by littleguy (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, my husband and I were in bed, and just as I was about to finish he screamed, "Oh shit! It's 4:15, my strawberries are gonna whither!!!!" and then jumped off me and went to check on his farm on FarmVille. An imaginary farm, on Facebook. FML

#4679232
269 comments

I agree, your life sucks (86379) - you deserved it (7494)

On 08/20/2009 at 10:51am - love - by demk (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my little sister thought it'd be cool to pierce my nose while I was asleep. FML

#4678822
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48848) - you deserved it (3712)

On 08/20/2009 at 10:17am - misc - by NoseInPain (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, was the first day all week I got to sleep in. I woke up this beautiful morning to the sun shining in my window and hundreds of carpenter ants crawling over my sheets and me. FML

#4677872
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44536) - you deserved it (2855)

On 08/20/2009 at 8:45am - misc - by tommy3824 (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I saw my wife pick her nose and suck on her fingers. We're 38. FML

#4677769
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41514) - you deserved it (5066)

On 08/20/2009 at 8:32am - misc - by GroosedOut (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was eating with a friend while walking on the sidewalk. A couple of pigeons were bothering us so I threw a fry onto the street. As a flock of pigeons were gathering around the fry, a truck drove by. Only four survived. FML

#4674126
332 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18798) - you deserved it (45816)

On 08/20/2009 at 2:22am - misc - by anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I took a cute girl out to an arcade date, and mercilessly dominated her in every game there to the point she refused to talk to me afterwards. Gamer Pride:1 - Getting Laid:0. FML

#4673205
299 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10643) - you deserved it (96079)

On 08/20/2009 at 1:45am - love - by razgriz1 (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was at a local chinese restaurant with two of my friends. We were laughing hysterically when my friend tells me to stop making her laugh because she was going to puke, naturally I kept egging it on. She puked all over the table and I was laughing so hard that I peed my pants. FML

#4672894
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9861) - you deserved it (61886)

On 08/20/2009 at 1:30am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I re-dislocated my arm trying to get it out of the cast it was in because I didn't want to pay the $50 dollar fee to get it taken off. FML

#4660097
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9294) - you deserved it (89351)

On 08/19/2009 at 5:02pm - health - by flaps (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my "best friend" invited me to drink with her and a couple other friends. She told me to "just bring a few bucks for beer". When I got there, no one else had brought money, including her. They only invited me because I'm the only one with a job. FML

#4659447
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47417) - you deserved it (4045)

On 08/19/2009 at 4:29pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Iowa)



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