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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I had a party at my house. When my parents came home, my dad asked how the party was. I told him I didn't know what he was talking about, to which he responded "Well the puke all over the driveway begs to differ." FML

#4758103
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6252) - you deserved it (47022)

On 08/23/2009 at 1:50pm - misc - by chacha_bby - United States (Florida)

Today, I was driving my car and I thought the construction guy was flirting and waving at me. So I drove by him, waving back and hit an oil spill and my car ended up spinning out of control. He was trying to direct me away from the oil spill. FML

#4757716
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6305) - you deserved it (38955)

On 08/23/2009 at 1:08pm - misc - by Susan (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, it was the last day of camp. I told my friends we should exchange e-mail addresses so we could stay in touch. Apparently, they all had already exchanged their contact info. Nobody asked me for one piece of my contact info even once during the entire six weeks. FML

#4754419
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30770) - you deserved it (4197)

On 08/23/2009 at 3:09am - misc - by Lonely (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, when I opened the door to my room at night, I saw this big menacing thing staring right at me. I gasped and my heart started racing. I apprehensively turned on the lights, and I realized that it was the semi-deflated Spongebob balloon that has been in my room for weeks. FML

#4753654
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7286) - you deserved it (28289)

On 08/23/2009 at 2:19am - misc - by Scared - United States (Washington)

Today, I was at a friend's party. All of the sudden, my friend goes, "Ok girls, get a guy to dance with." Then everyone scrambled to find someone. There was just enough guy-girl pairs. This hot girl and I were the only two left. She looked at me and said, "Umm, I have to use the bathroom." FML

#4752266
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44543) - you deserved it (4181)

On 08/23/2009 at 1:25am - intimacy - by Idontdance (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at my grandfather's house and my car was low on gas. He said I could put some of his gas in my car. He accidentally gave me the wrong tank to pump it out of, and I put fuel in my car that he uses for his small plane. It never ran better until the engine exploded. FML

#4751851
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31976) - you deserved it (3422)

On 08/23/2009 at 1:10am - misc - by Boltz719 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, as I was getting into work, I saw a co-worker of mine walking in front of me. We're really good friends and we joke around a lot, so I jokingly whistled at him and slapped his butt. Turns out it wasn't my friend, it was the new guy. Hello, sexual harassment charges. FML

#4751132
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25994) - you deserved it (14785)

On 08/23/2009 at 12:48am - work - by introuble (man) - United States (New York)

Today, while laying in bed trying to go to sleep, I listened to the chirping crickets and appreciated how soothing the sounds were. Then I realized I lived on the 8th floor of an apartment building. Turns out my brother's science project got into my room and multiplied... a lot. FML

#4750882
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30307) - you deserved it (1905)

On 08/23/2009 at 12:38am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my work finally hired someone to replace some leaky pipes at work. I work in the basement by myself, and just as I walk under the newly fixed pipes, I get soaked with water. Apparently it was connected to a toilet. My boss couldn't find a replacement so they made me work covered in piss. FML

#4748586
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29016) - you deserved it (1953)

On 08/22/2009 at 11:29pm - work - by lifestinks (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I spilled my heart out to a guy by showing him one of my poetry journals. He read through it and said, "Wow, I feel sorry for the guy you wrote about." The poems were all about how I loved him. FML

#4747171
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28917) - you deserved it (7245)

On 08/22/2009 at 10:41pm - love - by storyofmylife (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, after my partner of two years broke up with me, I decided to have a heart to heart with my mother about it. Her advice was to clean the house. I asked how that would make me feel better. She said that she wasn't sure, but at least the house would be clean. FML

#4744238
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26757) - you deserved it (4128)

On 08/22/2009 at 8:43pm - love - by Loveless (man) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, it was my next-door neighbor's birthday. Over the past year, his pitbull has attacked my stepdad several times and put some stiches on me. Lucky for us, the dog was finally put down. For his birthday my neighbor got a new, bigger, pitbull. FML

#4739824
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34331) - you deserved it (5437)

On 08/22/2009 at 5:07pm - animals - by ShockBait (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my husband decided to drain his motorcycle oil into an empty bottle of laundry detergent. Also today, I decided to lift a stain out of my white comforter with some detergent I found in the garage. FML

#4738861
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31700) - you deserved it (11291)

On 08/22/2009 at 3:48pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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