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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I found out that the girl I've been dating online for over three months is actually a very bored 14-year-old boy. FML

#1617373
512 comments

I agree, your life sucks (98880) - you deserved it (269443)

On 05/04/2009 at 2:12am - love - by Iman (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went into work to set up a new store. There was a lot of lifting so I dressed casual. This happened to be the day the owner brought in his conservative family to check out the store. I was wearing a shirt that says "everyone poops" and has a donkey and elephant pooping. FML

#1616689
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13830) - you deserved it (54888)

On 05/04/2009 at 1:40am - work - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was leaving a campus parking garage. Suddenly, a huge man appeared behind me and kept saying "HEY!" "STOP!" In a gruff voice. I picked up my pace and so did he. I finally turned to him with a can of mace and threatened to use it. He was trying to return the $5 bill I dropped. FML

#1615706
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12605) - you deserved it (57075)

On 05/04/2009 at 1:08am - misc - by CriminalMistake (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I donated blood for the first time, and all the nurses kept complimenting on how good my veins were. That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me in the past 2 months. FML

#1614849
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50077) - you deserved it (3915)

On 05/04/2009 at 12:40am - health - by lsta (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was on Facebook looking at pictures of my boyfriend, who was in his friend's wedding this past weekend. He said that none of the girlfriends could come because it would cost too much for the couple. I spent the weekend alone, and all his friend's girlfriends are in the pictures. FML

#1614370
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56604) - you deserved it (4389)

On 05/04/2009 at 12:25am - love - by pissed (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, a man came up to me and asked for a $50 bill in change? Being a good man i said "sure." I gave him the change and he gave me the $50 bill. As I walk into starbucks to buy a coffee, I handed the casheir my fifty dollar bill, she called the cops. It was counterfeit. FML

#1611269
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47031) - you deserved it (21022)

On 05/03/2009 at 10:12pm - misc - by supermanj76 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at the gym and I saw a really cute guy working out nearby. I tried to get his attention by taking off my shirt and smiling at him. When he walked over to me, instead of asking for my number, he just said "Can you please put that back on? Thanks". FML

#1607608
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17159) - you deserved it (51581)

On 05/03/2009 at 8:36pm - misc - by Gjkashldf (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was about to lose my virginity with my girlfriend of 2 years, when I got an urgent phone call from my 9-year-old sister, telling me I had to come home immediately. My grandma fell off the toilet and got stuck between the bowl and the wall. I'm not making this up. FML

#1604682
312 comments

I agree, your life sucks (269914) - you deserved it (17583)

On 05/03/2009 at 7:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was driving down the road at about 10pm, when the passenger in the car in front of me threw something out the window. The object flew towards and landed directly on my windshield. It was a condom. A used condom. It wasn't tied. Semen spreads out quite a bit when you're driving fast. FML

#1600602
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (124032) - you deserved it (6685)

On 05/03/2009 at 5:17pm - misc - by Aether (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was holding a lit cigarette in one hand and a lollipop in the other. Guess which one I licked? FML

#1600117
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20975) - you deserved it (127817)

On 05/03/2009 at 5:05pm - misc - by htothecr (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I went to a Bat Mitzvah. We played a game where all of the girls grabbed one of their shoes and placed it in the middle. Then, all of the guys had to pick a shoe. Whatever guy picked the shoe, the girl had to dance with. No one picked my shoe. Everyone else was dancing except for me. FML

#1598244
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52233) - you deserved it (4580)

On 05/03/2009 at 4:09pm - misc - by xoxo96 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my soccer team got our warm up t-shirts that say "You can hit on us, but you can't score." After the game, a guy behind my friend asks, "Hey what does the front of your shirt say?" I replied for her, "You can hit on us." He looked at me and my friend and said, "No thanks." FML

#1593642
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40509) - you deserved it (10093)

On 05/03/2009 at 1:46pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was masturbating in the dark with the door open. I thought I saw a figure outside my door, because I didn't have my glasses on. After intensely staring at the dark figure for about a minute, thinking it was my imagination, my stepdad said, "you know, I am looking RIGHT at you," FML

#1592701
320 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23447) - you deserved it (82919)

On 05/03/2009 at 1:17pm - intimacy - by danggit3290 (woman) - United States (California)



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