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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was babysitting for my neighbors. Their 5 year-old had finally fallen asleep at 11 after two hours of stories and songs. No sooner had I tip toed out of the room did I realize that my cell phone had dropped out of my pocket onto the bed. It was ringing. It was their mother checking in. FML

#1649042
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41288) - you deserved it (7033)

On 05/04/2009 at 11:39pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, we watched a movie in French class. I went on a French exchange last year, so I wanted to sound all impressive and cultured for my crush who is in the same class. I said that it was my favorite movie and I couldn't wait to watch it with everyone. The movie turned out to be about incest. FML

#1648033
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8254) - you deserved it (76561)

On 05/04/2009 at 10:41pm - misc - by daddyslittlegirl250 (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I saw my neighbor's son mowing their lawn when suddenly he started to do this crazy dance. Chuckling at his antics I waved and walked back into my house. His mom called me from a hospital later to ask if I could put the mower away; he had been attacked by bees. FML

#1643455
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19000) - you deserved it (43181)

On 05/04/2009 at 8:46pm - kids - by Jon (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, I found out nobody in my family wants to come to my college graduation. I spent 4 years and $60,000 to be the first person in my family to go to college, and nobody wants to see me graduate because the 4 hour ceremony is too long. FML

#1639625
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71137) - you deserved it (3994)

On 05/04/2009 at 7:39pm - misc - by strawberrypuff (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I had my first real meeting with my girlfriend's parents. We had dinner at a pretty upscale restaurant and everything was going great. When the check came, I offered to pay and I stood up to take out my wallet. When I opened it, 3 condoms fell out on the table in front of them. FML

#1639101
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18439) - you deserved it (58625)

On 05/04/2009 at 7:27pm - misc - by Brian (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was sitting in a theater waiting for the movie to start when a hot guy sat next to me. Trying to impress him, I made seemingly witty comments to my friend throughout the movie. When it ended he loudly complained to his friends about the annoying girl sitting next to him. FML

#1635013
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7838) - you deserved it (94847)

On 05/04/2009 at 5:56pm - love - by anon (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went downtown to pay my speeding ticket. After standing in line and arguing with a rude woman behind the desk, I get back to my car only to find an expired meter and a parking ticket. I got a ticket while paying my ticket. FML

#1634783
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47149) - you deserved it (16101)

On 05/04/2009 at 5:50pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found out my grandmother passed away. When I told my boyfriend I began to cry. Instead of caring, he said "you're getting my bed wet," rolled over, and fell asleep. FML

#1631844
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74805) - you deserved it (5868)

On 05/04/2009 at 4:44pm - misc - by JessBaby (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I found a box of birthday candles sitting on the coffee table. Bored, I lit one, and after a minute I threw it away and sat back down on the couch. I started looking at the box and noticed that it said "Magic Re-Lighting Candles" at the exact moment that my trash can burst into flames. FML

#1631197
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25769) - you deserved it (69884)

On 05/04/2009 at 4:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I sent everyone a text on my phone book saying, "Happy Star Wars Day!!! May the Fourth be with you!!" I forgot to uncheck my exgirlfriend's number. She texted back, "one of the many reasons I broke up with you." FML

#1628197
359 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25922) - you deserved it (67671)

On 05/04/2009 at 3:04pm - misc - by 1suckatL1fe - United States (Virginia)

Today, I stepped out of my car and slipped on a fresh coating of ice on the ground. I tried to catch myself by grabbing the car on my way down, but unfortunately, I was trying to grab with the hand that was holding my car keys. I key-scratched my own car. FML

#1625759
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45417) - you deserved it (7137)

On 05/04/2009 at 1:19pm - misc - by JulieKid (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, my husband and I got back from our honeymoon and we saw his mom's car in front of our house. When we walked in she asked us so many questions about our trip. The first question she asked my husband was, "Were you satisfied with her in bed?" FML

#1625692
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59471) - you deserved it (3057)

On 05/04/2009 at 1:17pm - misc - by Jess (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I asked my mom if she thought I was straight. She looked at me and said "Well, that's really up to you honey. But your father and I would still love you." I was asking if she thought I had parked straight. FML

#1625172
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48985) - you deserved it (11539)

On 05/04/2009 at 12:51pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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