FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my wife of four years confessed to me that she only married me for the money. FML

by mrrichkid / 03/05/2010 at 8:05pm / United States (Illinois) / Money

Today, I went to go see a specialist for my prostate and was told he would have to do an exam before I could leave. Having had this checked just the previous year, I was more than a little irritated. As I was bent over the table the Dr. said, "Now, just pretend I'm Angelina Jolie." FML

by artsmart1 / 03/05/2010 at 7:40pm / United States / Health

Today, my grandma's cat peed on my full leg cast. The closest doctor was a three hour drive away. So my grandma wouldn't take me at all the whole weekend. FML

by murphx3x / 03/05/2010 at 3:22pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I'm seven months into a twelve month deployment. I called my fiancée, and she dumped me. The worst part is that two days ago, I re-enlisted to go to a unit an hour away from her house. FML

by copenhagen20 / 03/05/2010 at 3:21pm / United States (Armed Forces Africa) / Love

Today, my mother stormed into my room shouting about how I never go anywhere and then tells me to go out "NOW" and do something. As she is pushing me out the door, her boyfriend walks in. FML

by FatalxDesire599 / 03/05/2010 at 10:39am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend blew up at me for a comment I had made several weeks ago about not wanting kids. Then, she told me that she's pregnant. After consoling her and telling her that whatever we do, we'll do it together, she further explained that she's not sure if it's mine. FML

by Anonymous / 03/05/2010 at 7:54am / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, I realized I'd rather be constipated, sick, sit in long traffic lines and inadvertantly eat spoiled meat than spend another day at my shitty job. All things that happened to me today. FML

by Petergibbons / 03/05/2010 at 3:01am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I helped a "blind" man across the street. He kindly said thank you and patted me on the back. Then, I went into a store and realized my wallet was missing. FML

by whyymee / 03/05/2010 at 2:50am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 18 year old daughter comes home telling me she has been fired from her job at McDonalds. The reason? They had ICarly happy meal toys and she couldn't resist stealing one. FML

by icarlymom / 03/05/2010 at 1:10am / United States (New Jersey) / Kids

Today, I caught my dog attempting to shit on the carpet. When I saw him, I screamed. Startled, he ran around the house, continuing to take his shit. Now, I don't have to clean up a nice pile, I get to go on a scavenger hunt and find all of the scattered turds. FML

by Catois / 03/05/2010 at 12:17am / United States (Virginia) / Animals

Today, I had to listen to a girl who just came back from the bathroom, talk about the "gigantic massive dump" she took, and even held her hands up to show the size. FML

by Grossed_out / 03/04/2010 at 10:51pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I bought my wedding dress and sat it on the bed while I went to buy matching shoes. When I came home, I saw my soon to be husband on the bed sitting next to my wedding dress. Turns out he spilt Coca-Cola on the dress and was trying to get it out with carpet cleanser. FML

by Stephanie / 03/04/2010 at 7:01pm / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, my boyfriend of over a year told me that we need a code word for when I'm being annoying. FML

by ugh / 03/04/2010 at 7:00pm / United States / Love