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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was completely naked in my boyfriend's bed. Suddenly his mom yelled that she was coming in so that she could get to the attic. I pulled a blanket up to my neck, hoping she would think I was cold. She had to step over my bra and panties on her way to the attic. FML

#417128
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18039) - you deserved it (81670)

On 03/17/2009 at 5:25pm - intimacy - by sandy (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I came back to my appartment to find that I couldn't watch certain channels on my tv. When I called the tv company I found out my parents had put a 'parental block' on all my favorite channels. Im 22 and rent an appartment with my friends. FML

#417086
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (86957) - you deserved it (6761)

On 03/17/2009 at 5:21pm - misc - by Noname - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was on a webcam with my friend. We were joking around so I stood up and flashed her. Her grandma choose that second to walk past and look at the screen. Her grandma now thinks were lesbians and that I'm a whore. FML

#416306
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18769) - you deserved it (67327)

On 03/17/2009 at 4:51pm - misc - by webcammistake (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I decided to ask my friend to the school dance. It's one where the girls ask the guys. I spent hours placing signs down his street so he would see them on his way home. As I'm waiting in his driveway with balloons I see his car reverse and go the other direction. FML

#415998
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (80782) - you deserved it (17734)

On 03/17/2009 at 4:44pm - misc - by SmileEveryday (woman) - United States (California)

Today, me and my boyfriend came back to my house after a night on the town. Thinking the house was empty, we had sex. Just as it was getting good my phone rings. It was a text from my mom, "Quiet down. Even your father can tell you're faking." FML

#415809
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (92160) - you deserved it (42641)

On 03/17/2009 at 4:40pm - intimacy - by MrAwsum (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had a gymnastics meet. I thought I was done with my period, but when I was up on the beam warming up my routine, one of my coaches called me down and told me that I apparently wasn't. My coach goes around asking my teammates moms if they had any pads. My dad caught this all on tape. FML

#415584
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67142) - you deserved it (6737)

On 03/17/2009 at 4:35pm - misc - by Noname - United States (Oregon)

Today, my parents said that they bought me a car. I had been begging for one for a year and they always said that I would have to pay for it myself. I got really excited and went to the garage to see my new ride. It was a Hot Wheels car with a note saying "save your money". FML

#412946
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59699) - you deserved it (27133)

On 03/17/2009 at 2:17pm - money - by RdL (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when she started moaning and breathing heavily. I thought she was getting hot and was about to cum. Unfortunetly, she soon said, "I'm bored, let's play a board game." She was sighing, not moaning. FML

#412334
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58974) - you deserved it (20205)

On 03/17/2009 at 1:42pm - intimacy - by ThePopeMan (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was flirting with a really hot guy at a track meet and I gave him my number. When I asked him what school he went to he replied, "Oh, I don't go to school, We're from the juvenile corrections facility." FML

#410087
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59287) - you deserved it (21638)

On 03/17/2009 at 10:42am - love - by Noname (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking through Macy's with my girlfriend. I stopped to admire a mannequin's ass, joking with my girlfriend like I was touching it. Then I slapped it. It wasn't a mannequin. FML

#408707
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39300) - you deserved it (183560)

On 03/17/2009 at 6:16am - intimacy - by Noname (man) - United States (California)

Today, I decided to introduce my girlfriend to my parents by telling them that we were gonna have a very special guest for dinner. While my mom was preparing the meal she asked, "What does he like?" I'm straight. My parents thought different. FML

#407714
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77260) - you deserved it (6361)

On 03/17/2009 at 3:25am - love - by isaacBENNETT (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I fell down a flight of stairs onto cement and had to get stitches in my knee. The class I was running to was Buddhist Philosophy where I was supposed to give a presentation on how we all need to slow down and stop rushing through life. FML

#407679
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18521) - you deserved it (47491)

On 03/17/2009 at 3:19am - misc - by Noname - United States (Washington)

Today, my fish's tank was all green and nasty, but I had no time to clean it because I woke up late, so the job was left to my mom. When I came back, the water level seemed high, and the fish looked a little strange, so I asked my mom what she did. She said "I cleaned the tank with chlorine!" FML

#404530
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42418) - you deserved it (27166)

On 03/17/2009 at 12:34am - animals - by Poorfish (man) - United States (California)



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