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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I decided to tell my mother what I thought about religion. I've been raised catholic. I told her I was converting to Wicca, to which she sort of nodded and walked away. I went into my room to study with my earbuds in, music loud. I walked out to see a cross nailed above my door. FML

#2202679
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37445) - you deserved it (31915)

On 05/23/2009 at 1:50am - misc - by Sigh (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was lining a soccer field. I had the entire grid laid out, so I began to paint with a handheld cart. I finished the entire field without looking back once. I forgot to put paint in the cart. I walked around a field for an hour painting with air. FML

#2201893
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13464) - you deserved it (59098)

On 05/23/2009 at 1:15am - misc - by onlyme (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I was putting on cream and my son asked what it was for. I told him it was to keep the wrinkles away. He looked at me closely and replied, "I don't think it's working." FML

#2201363
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42672) - you deserved it (5898)

On 05/23/2009 at 1:04am - kids - by julieb (man) - United States (New York)

Today, was my wedding night. We had decided to wait until marriage to have sex. When I undressed and smiled at my new wife, she burst into tears and cried, "please don't make me do this." FML

#2200863
540 comments

I agree, your life sucks (212828) - you deserved it (22989)

On 05/23/2009 at 12:44am - intimacy - by honeymoondisaster (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a little girl at work was coloring a picture that said "Best Dad" on it. Wanting to be nice I asked her if she was making it for her dad for father's day. She looked at me with a sad face and said, "I don't have a dad..." FML

#2199355
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52272) - you deserved it (6252)

On 05/23/2009 at 12:03am - kids - by zbaby (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while installing a deadbolt on my closet, I did it wrong. It closed but wouldn't lock so I had to re-install it. Sitting on the floor of my closet, I shut it to make sure it was installed correctly. I locked myself in for twenty minutes, home alone, before kicking the door down. FML

Today, while driving across country, my car broke down while in the middle of nowhere. I had it towed to a mechanic in the nearest town. While he fixed the car, I went to get lunch. The only restaurant in town was an old-fashioned drive-up diner. They wouldn't serve me because I wasn't in a car. FML

#2189691
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43626) - you deserved it (2281)

On 05/22/2009 at 7:25pm - misc - by stillhungry (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I decided to give my virginity to my boyfriend of four months, because I told him I loved him. Two minutes after he'd pulled out, he grabs his cell and mass texts "I FINALLY GOT LAID!". FML

#2187594
289 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66013) - you deserved it (24163)

On 05/22/2009 at 6:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I asked my best friend why she didn't ask our other best friend Anna to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. She said, "She's too pretty. I need ugly bridesmaids to make me look better." I am the maid of honor. FML

#2187535
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56190) - you deserved it (3320)

On 05/22/2009 at 6:21pm - misc - by Neverthebride - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was kicked out of my parents house. I was sleeping in my truck bed because I had nowhere to go. I awoke to a "beep beep beep" noise. I was being towed while sleeping in the truck bed. FML

#2183304
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42790) - you deserved it (5588)

On 05/22/2009 at 4:08pm - misc - by tootles (man) - United States (California)

Today, my company filed for bankruptcy, but the reorganize kind where it still functions. There are no funds to give out paychecks any time soon. They won't fire me. If I voluntarily quit, I cannot file for unemployment. I'm now an unpaid intern. FML

#2181067
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51718) - you deserved it (2526)

On 05/22/2009 at 2:39pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, as I was closing my car door, I realized I had left the keys in the ignition. Not wanting to lock myself out, I reached to stop the door from closing. Not only did I scream when the door slammed on my hand, but in my furious pain, I leaned on the door, locking my keys inside. FML

#2177372
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39991) - you deserved it (11694)

On 05/22/2009 at 11:16am - misc - by Ouch (man) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I was running outside. On the last mile I am along side some fields. While running along the side of the road I glanced down and saw a snake. I was so startled I jumped left in front of a car screaming like a girl. The snake was dead. FML

#2176338
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32369) - you deserved it (12458)

On 05/22/2009 at 10:08am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)



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