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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was making love to my girlfriend and was pretty impressed with myself for lasting through multiple songs. Then I realized her ipod was playing a medley. I only lasted 3 1/2 minutes. FML

#4954327
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20580) - you deserved it (9415)

On 08/31/2009 at 2:56pm - intimacy - by sadinthesack (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I found some .pdf files on my wife's computer. They were forms that had been filled out except for the date and the "reason" section. They were divorce papers. When confronted about it she said, "Well, if you piss me off really bad, I want to write down why before I calm down." FML

#4953539
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38077) - you deserved it (3813)

On 08/31/2009 at 2:10pm - love - by UNmarried (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I was at my only sister's wedding. She gave a speech about the person who means the most to her. She said, "She is my favorite sister who has always been there for me." Being her only sister, I got up to hug her. Turns out she was talking about her slutty sorority sister. Not me. FML

#4952830
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53618) - you deserved it (3664)

On 08/31/2009 at 1:21pm - misc - by ohsugarxo (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my friend got a babysitter for the kids and told me she was taking me to a party. My son told me his band was playing at a party. I will be 40 tomorrow, so I thought this would be the best surprise birthday party ever. It WAS a surprise birthday party – for a friend of ours. FML

#4952305
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34778) - you deserved it (3238)

On 08/31/2009 at 12:45pm - misc - by kelkline (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was taking a piss in a port-o-john and thought it would be a good idea to aim at a bee I saw buzzing around. The bee thought it would be a better idea to sting me on the knob. FML

#4952046
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9462) - you deserved it (87121)

On 08/31/2009 at 12:28pm - misc - by Bee (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I stood for half an hour in the rain waiting for my bus. As I started to go inside, my bus turned around the corner and splashed water all over me. The bus driver wouldn't let me on the bus because I was soaking wet and I would "mess up the seats". FML

#4949959
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45077) - you deserved it (2457)

On 08/31/2009 at 9:05am - misc - by soaked (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my mother finally pressured me to wear my old helmet while riding my bike. Halfway through my ride, 3 spiders came crawling out of it and onto my face, causing me to lose control of the bike and crash head-first. FML

#4949841
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42736) - you deserved it (7397)

On 08/31/2009 at 8:44am - animals - by phlyingphuck (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I got to go back into my house after it had been tented. Suddenly, a foul stench filled my house. My husband checked all around the house and finally checked under the house. There were more than 12 dead stray cats under our house, and guess who was in charge of pulling them out? FML

#4947813
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38688) - you deserved it (3451)

On 08/31/2009 at 3:37am - animals - by ahdeadcats - United States (California)

Today, I got written up at work for making a customer feel bad. I made him feel bad by laughing uncontrollably at him when he asked if we sold real light sabers. FML

#4945684
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48143) - you deserved it (14738)

On 08/31/2009 at 1:18am - work - by Timmah (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I received official notification that my license was being suspended for multiple DUIs. Apparently, my brother is a drunk and has been using my ID. FML

#4944535
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43525) - you deserved it (2653)

On 08/31/2009 at 12:30am - misc - by Notabum (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I rented a drill to a straight-up valley girl, with the speech affect, Von Dutch patrol cap and all. I tried to disabuse of her of the idea that aluminum is a form of steel. Apparently, that constitutes being a smartass, so she threw her change at me. FML

#4943867
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25041) - you deserved it (7758)

On 08/31/2009 at 12:06am - work - by Mack (man) - United States (California)

Today, I interviewed for a job at a pharmaceutical lab. During the interview, I said something about a past work experience that made the interviewers think that I would enjoy doing something similar to that... so they gave me a warehouse job instead. I have a degree in chemistry and biology. FML

#4939837
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31113) - you deserved it (3627)

On 08/30/2009 at 9:56pm - work - by Pissssd (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my friend and I were making sandwiches at his house. His family's dog wandered over just as I dropped a large chunk of cheddar on the floor. The dog snatched it up and ran away with it. I yelled after it, jokingly, that I hoped it would choke and die. It did. FML

#4932229
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26705) - you deserved it (49515)

On 08/30/2009 at 4:17pm - animals - by lily (woman) - United States (California)



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