FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was telling my cousin about my boyfriend, who plays guitar and sings very well, has dark hair, and wears girl pants. After telling her these things, she's quiet for a moment before she looks at me and says, "So... You're dating a Jonas brother?" FML

by kikinemo / 01/16/2010 at 4:05pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found on the internet pictures of me sleeping. I sleep naked. FML

by be_so_slick_56 / 01/16/2010 at 12:51pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I lost my virginity to my amazing boyfriend. As we were getting dressed, I realized I had lost my bra. After intense searching I finally found it and put it on. It wasn't mine. FML

by Anonymous / 01/16/2010 at 11:44am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, my smoke alarm went off. In a frenzy, I called 9-1-1 and exited my house. Several minutes later a fire truck showed up. After investigating, one of the firemen informed me I needed to change the batteries in my smoke alarm. FML

by lollerskate / 01/16/2010 at 10:37am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out what I look like drunk and naked while swinging a tennis racket thanks to a picture message forwarded to just about everyone I know and some I don't. Among the numbers the text was sent to was a familiar one. My mom's. FML

by ObeseCaveDweller / 01/16/2010 at 2:26am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I got called into work and I was really excited to earn some extra money. One block from getting there I get pulled over. Apparently my tags were expired, and there goes half a weeks pay. FML

by bankergirl / 01/16/2010 at 2:22am / United States (Oregon) / Money

Today, I spent the day studying with one of my classmates whom I've just met. While studying, she kept bragging about her boyfriend and decided to show me a picture of him. It was my boyfriend. FML

by shockedgirl / 01/16/2010 at 2:17am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a popcorn kernel stuck in my throat. It was quite irritating so thought I could get it out with my finger. Good thing, the kernel is gone. Bad thing, I now have the rest of my lunch on my shirt as well. FML

by emilyupsidedown / 01/16/2010 at 12:08am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, while getting gas, a hottie pulled-up to the pump next to me. I finished filling my tank and started to drive away. As I was checking her out and paying no attention to my driving, I ended up taking the front bumper off her car with my truck. FML

by mah / 01/15/2010 at 9:25pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Transportation

Today, I realized why my husband had been seemingly wanting to improve our relationship by sending little texts throughout the day for the last couple of months, asking what I was doing. It was so he could find out when would be the best time to have his girlfriend over and cheat on me. FML

by woundedexwife / 01/15/2010 at 8:22pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend at her house and her dad saw us. She decided that she didn't feel like riding along when it was time for her dad to drive me home and went to bed. I, on the other hand, got to have a 15 minute conversation about the merits of "physical boundaries." FML

by Bali_Boil / 01/15/2010 at 7:44pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was with my friends at Burger King. While we were eating, I placed my cellphone on the tray, not realising that I'd left it there until after I emptied my tray into the bin. When I got it out of the trash, it was covered in soggy, sticky garbage. FML

by stephiexbabexx / 01/15/2010 at 4:27pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was teaching a class and my student pointed out that I used the wrong "your" while writing on the board. FML

by englishfail / 01/15/2010 at 12:39pm / United States (Illinois) / Work