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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was on a cruise and fell asleep next to the pool. I had an intense dream that I had fallen off into the ocean. I rolled off my sun chair into the water and woke up screaming uncontrollably, I thought I was in the ocean. I was in the kiddy pool. FML

#516952
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49193) - you deserved it (11024)

On 03/21/2009 at 8:06pm - misc - by nick (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went to the mall with my mom. We were in American Eagle shopping for spring clothes, when a few good looking guys walked by and whistled at me. I smiled at them. They were checking out my mom, not me. FML

#516140
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67833) - you deserved it (5995)

On 03/21/2009 at 7:18pm - misc - by motherdearest (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, was my first serious photoshoot as a male model for a high-end clothing line. It was a nude photoshoot, with kind of an Adam and Eve theme. After the first couple of pictures with the extremly sexy female model, I got a boner. There were still 100 shots left to go. FML

#512486
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47667) - you deserved it (19251)

On 03/21/2009 at 4:11pm - intimacy - by Bden (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend was really stressed about a guy he works with being a jerk. I told him "if you ignore something long enough, it won't bother you anymore." His response was "I've ignored my herpes for a long time but it still bothers me." We've been having sex for 3 months now. FML

#511174
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (115488) - you deserved it (18201)

On 03/21/2009 at 3:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my friend and i thought it would be funny if we could both fit into her big sweatpants. When we tried to take a step, she fell on top of me. She started peeing uncontrollably. We had to cut ourselves out of the sweatpants. FML

#508489
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47001) - you deserved it (32672)

On 03/21/2009 at 12:11pm - misc - by emilyxoxoxo - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had to sleep in the same room as my grandparents. They checked to see if I was asleep, so I pretended to be to avoid getting scolded for staying up. Turns out they were checking so that they could make love. I witnessed two 70-year-olds have sex in the bed next to me for 20 minutes. FML

#507959
285 comments

I agree, your life sucks (195550) - you deserved it (18858)

On 03/21/2009 at 11:38am - intimacy - by Mike (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my parents yelled at me for coming home at 1am this morning from a friend's birthday party. I'm 30 years old. FML

#506231
374 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56498) - you deserved it (111626)

On 03/21/2009 at 5:35am - misc - by soliveyerlife (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I came out to my mom. I had an epic speech planned, and when I tried to tell her, it all fell apart and I started crying and just said, "I'm gay." After a few seconds silence, my mom sighs and says, "Duh." FML

#506180
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55776) - you deserved it (15497)

On 03/21/2009 at 5:13am - misc - by teriyaki124 - United States (California)

Today, my parents saw my report card. Now, they refuse to buy me my the new computer I've always wanted because my grades had 'slipped'. I made honor roll for three terms, and was kept off for the fourth for a single bad grade. I failed gym. FML

#504973
300 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56652) - you deserved it (36782)

On 03/21/2009 at 2:22am - work - by MollyMo - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went over to surprise my girlfriend of two years with flowers and dinner at her apartment. After I knocked, a handsome young man answered the door. Thinking I had the wrong apartment, I apologized, only to hear my girlfriend's voice call from the background, "Baby, who's there?" FML

#504108
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (132445) - you deserved it (4960)

On 03/21/2009 at 1:33am - intimacy - by willywonks (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I came home and saw on our fridge, "Please don't drink anymore, I really worry about your health" written by my 7-year-old daughter. I figured she wouldn't ever find out, so I opened the fridge. But I found another note on a can that said "So you're going to drink anyway?" FML

#503348
859 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49414) - you deserved it (598477)

On 03/21/2009 at 12:46am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I started Lifeguard Training and we had the fitness test you had to pass to continue. I work out everyday and I start on our football team. It's spring break and i've worked everyday (construction). I'm fit. Time comes to take the test, I finished last, beat by a 44 year old woman. FML



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