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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I celebrated my birthday with my family. As part of my presents, my parents gave me prepaid debit card. When I got home, I looked at it again and realized it's the debit card you get from selling back books to our university bookstore. I bought my own books this year. They gave me my own refund. FML

#2039124
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41461) - you deserved it (2424)

On 05/18/2009 at 12:48am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, while I was waitressing, I bent down to pick up a menu and accidentally farted, really loud, at my table. FML

#2037920
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47650) - you deserved it (9748)

On 05/18/2009 at 12:17am - misc - by oops (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went on my afternoon stroll to my local park. As I reached the park a little boy was peeing in the bushes nearby. His mother called. As I walked by, he turned, still peeing, right to me. He ended up peeing on the front of my pants and on my shoes. My house is 2 miles away from the park. FML

#2036328
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38959) - you deserved it (2757)

On 05/17/2009 at 11:37pm - misc - by gameguy3424 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my 6 year old daughter saw a man in a wheelchair who's leg had been amputated. She walks up to him and says, "What happened?". He answers kindly that he's a war veteran. She then responds, "Well then you deserve to get your leg blown off. You shouldn't be killing people." FML

#2030761
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (93498) - you deserved it (22353)

On 05/17/2009 at 9:19pm - kids - by embarrassedmom (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML

#2026481
437 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31987) - you deserved it (141605)

On 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm - animals - by sucks (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I had my high school reunion. The nerdy guy that I picked on all 4 years had married a Swedish supermodel, then divorced her for a Brazilian supermodel. My girlfriend works at 7-11. Karma sucks. FML

#2019724
641 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27720) - you deserved it (273619)

On 05/17/2009 at 4:16pm - misc - by karmasabitch (man) - United States (New York)

Today, for my birthday, I got a Big Mac. FML

#2019418
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60852) - you deserved it (8818)

On 05/17/2009 at 4:09pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was showing my new iPhone case to my friends, saying how it was scratchproof, shockproof, and waterproof. I demonstrated it by dropping it on the sidewalk from about 5 feet. It bounced onto the road. Apparently, its not truck-proof. FML

#2018927
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13542) - you deserved it (96232)

On 05/17/2009 at 3:49pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized that my father's weekly unemployment check is more than my bi-weekly pay check. My full time job pays less than my father's unemployment. FML

#2015080
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58580) - you deserved it (4665)

On 05/17/2009 at 1:42pm - money - by thatsucks (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was waiting in the car while my mom went into a store to get beer. A few minutes later, some guy was knocking on my window telling me to open the door. I started cursing him out, thinking I was getting attacked. Turns out he worked there and was putting the beer in the car. FML

#2010673
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12350) - you deserved it (49733)

On 05/17/2009 at 10:39am - misc - by Kerrilyn (woman) - United States

Today, I was coaching a little league soccer game. I was telling one of my players to go cover another kid. I said "go cover the little yellow kid!" because he happened to be wearing a yellow shirt. He also happened to be Asian. I then got death stares from his family members. FML

#2009898
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57792) - you deserved it (21632)

On 05/17/2009 at 9:48am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was in the dressing room of my favorite store. While looking in the mirror at a shirt I really like, the fire alarm went off. In a panic, I ran out of the store like everyone else. The sensor went off on my shirt and I was banned from the store for attempted theft. FML

#2009508
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53251) - you deserved it (4194)

On 05/17/2009 at 9:21am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States



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