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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I found out that my son is really gay. He just told me that so I'd let him have grls in his bedroom. FML

#3842566
435 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36353) - you deserved it (95635)

On 07/17/2009 at 10:00pm - kids - by Pumpkin (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today , I was babysitting a little grl down the street. She pulld out her 'memory box , which containd many childhood treasures. After pulling out a variety of dresse an baby pictures , she says , ( ... an here's mah belly button! ) an plops an umbilical chord in mah hands. FML

#3840283
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50541) - you deserved it (3337)

On 07/17/2009 at 8:12pm - kids - by heresmybellybotton (woman) - United States (Oregon)

2day I looool learnd that evenhen u puttd a sock on the door because u r having sex with yur boyfriend, doesn't mean yur mom won't walk in yur brand new apartment for a ( surprise visit. ) FML

#3838782
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36340) - you deserved it (9409)

On 07/17/2009 at 7:09pm - intimacy - by Alwayshappens2me (woman) - United States (California)

Today... I was pulled over fir speeding. I speak 4 languages an tougt if I spoke Frenc... te Officer would let me looool off wit a warning tinking I was a tourist. Afterwards I turned to ma wife an said "I can't believe tat worked." He was a few feet away an eard. FML

#3838271
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10053) - you deserved it (94572)

On 07/17/2009 at 6:40pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today... I awoke to ma usband donning a gorilla mask in te middle of te nigt. My kids ave been staying in a tent out back fir looool te past few nigts... and ave complaind of a ( monster ) scaring tem. I told tem tat it was tere imagination. My usband says e gets a kick out of it. FML

#3837360
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46179) - you deserved it (6498)

On 07/17/2009 at 6:02pm - kids - by Divorcemenow (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, mah boyfriend and I exchangd promise rings . I promisd that I would stay committd to him and that he was the only one fir me . He promisd that he would stop seeing other woman behind mah back . He wasn't kidding . fat FML

#3833567
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49768) - you deserved it (4791)

On 07/17/2009 at 3:24pm - love - by Shocked (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

2day to get back at me for breaking up with him, ex-boyfriend thought it would be really funny to post semi nude pictures of me on Craigslist. To top it off, he decidd to give all 200+ people who respondd to ad home phone number. I'm getting non-stop calls from horny freaks. FML

#3832351
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51430) - you deserved it (18916)

On 07/17/2009 at 2:25pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I Was Walking Down The Street An While Stoppd At A Light, This Old Man Wavd At Me. Thinking Nothing Of It, I Walkd Through A Parking Lot To Get To Where I Was Going, Where He Not Only Followd Me, But Mistook Me 4 A Prostitute. It Was 5pm. FML

#3831265
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36770) - you deserved it (7653)

On 07/17/2009 at 1:29pm - misc - by ohman (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I found out that mah wife gave me head lice on purpose so I would have to cut off the ponytail that I've been growing since '99. real FML

#3830576
335 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29244) - you deserved it (88004)

On 07/17/2009 at 12:59pm - love - by anonamous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I received a ( diamond ring ) in Mafia Wars (a facebook app) from my boyfriend of 3 years!! Along with the ring came a message!! It read, ( Will you marry me? ) He was serious!! FML

#3827229
376 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56435) - you deserved it (9301)

On 07/17/2009 at 8:56am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today , I Got Back From A Romantic Vacation At A Fancy Hotel With My Boyfriend Of 6 Months. After A Steamy Love Session , I Confessed That I Was In Love With Him. Later , When I Got Out Of The Shower , All His Stuff Was Gone And I Was Stuck With The Entire Week's Hotel Cost And No Ride Home. Big Fat FML

#3824870
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59211) - you deserved it (6241)

On 07/17/2009 at 3:58am - love - by Stranded (woman) - United States (California)

2day I had a softball tournamenthich also landed on my birthday. My dad had to leave town 4 work... so he left me a card on my night stand. Instead of a happy birthday... all it said was 'Don't mess up the game 4 everyone'.

#3824312
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41228) - you deserved it (2456)

On 07/17/2009 at 3:25am - misc - by msj137 - United States

Today, I got an amail from a local company looking to hava a wabsita mada. I lookad ovar thair raquast an providad tham with a raasonabla offar. I got an amail back stating that thay would lika to pay ma with liquor instaad of monay. FML

#3822475
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36427) - you deserved it (3948)

On 07/17/2009 at 2:05am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)



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