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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I had to find a date for this banquet we did in my town every year. I paid my neighbor 40 bucks an hour to be my date. It was a 4 hour event. Best part: she got drunk and told the whole town I was paying her. FML

#2720571
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16057) - you deserved it (54264)

On 06/08/2009 at 2:44pm - love - by twowords (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I had just gotten a milkshake with some friends. We were about to drive past my ex's house, so I though it would be funny to throw the milkshake in his yard. Turns out, if you're going 50mph and try to throw a shake out the window, it comes right back at you. FML

#2719263
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6306) - you deserved it (92979)

On 06/08/2009 at 1:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, my friend was having a party. It was going good until I got the hiccups really bad, and they wouldn't go away. My friend decided to scare them away by shooting a pellet gun right next to my head. Bad news: It blew out my eardrum. I still have the hiccups. FML

#2715007
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52065) - you deserved it (4663)

On 06/08/2009 at 9:49am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I got prostate examination for the first time. Now I can't decide what's worse, the fact that I got a boner when the doc inserted his finger, or the fact that my wife told the story to pretty much everybody we know. FML

#2715001
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66433) - you deserved it (6345)

On 06/08/2009 at 9:48am - intimacy - by prostate (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was at my friends house. It was dark and downpouring so I couldnt see as I was backing out of his driveway. I made it out, but then my phone went off, scaring me, and I accidentally hit the gas pedal, hitting his neighbor's parked car. Turns out he called to warn me to watch out for it. FML

#2714754
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36733) - you deserved it (6418)

On 06/08/2009 at 9:25am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I had to tell a girl I liked she couldn't sleep over because I live with my parents. I'm 24. FML

#2711577
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25062) - you deserved it (63112)

On 06/08/2009 at 3:32am - intimacy - by levit (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I bought my girlfriend an iPhone. I preloaded it with a bunch of cool apps and stuff and spent a lot and money. She used it to send a text to me 3 hours later saying that she thought we should break up. FML

#2710099
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58277) - you deserved it (7719)

On 06/08/2009 at 2:05am - love - by aasatt22 - United States (California)

Today, I was introduced to my dad's girlfriend of six months. I've already heard them sleeping together several time,s and seen her car pull away early in the morning. After meeting face to face, I also learned that she's only two years older than me. FML

#2709098
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65453) - you deserved it (2831)

On 06/08/2009 at 12:08am - love - by .... (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was at a party. The music changed to a slow dance. Everybody grabbed a partner and I was left on the dancefloor alone. Suddenly, this guy walks up to me. I swore that he was going to ask me to dance. He then says: "Could you hold me my drink?" and goes to dance with another girl. FML

#2704619
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49338) - you deserved it (3457)

On 06/07/2009 at 9:36pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I came home and found my desk devoid of all paper. Turned out my mom dropped by and wanted to surprise me by cleaning up my work area. She threw away over 7 months worth of irreplaceable original sketches, notes and storylines, thinking they were worthless. My job is a full-time artist. FML

#2701716
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63400) - you deserved it (3267)

On 06/07/2009 at 8:17pm - work - by Kilika (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out my mom paid my best friend $20 to be my friend when we were 10. FML

#2699534
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (128419) - you deserved it (7061)

On 06/07/2009 at 7:15pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I locked myself out of my truck for the first time. While trying to unlock it, it started to rain. After half an hour, I successfully unlocked the door and then drove over my book bag, which I had placed underneath the car to keep it out of the rain. FML

#2697154
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33129) - you deserved it (13124)

On 06/07/2009 at 5:49pm - misc - by no - United States (Michigan)

Today, I woke up to my wife talking in her sleep, "No Brandon! I don't want to have sex!" My wife won't have sex with me when she's awake OR in her dreams. FML

#2697150
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72562) - you deserved it (5650)

On 06/07/2009 at 5:49pm - intimacy - by BW (man) - United States (Kentucky)



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