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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I had my high school reunion. The nerdy guy that I picked on all 4 years had married a Swedish supermodel, then divorced her for a Brazilian supermodel. My girlfriend works at 7-11. Karma sucks. FML

#2019724
641 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27713) - you deserved it (273387)

On 05/17/2009 at 4:16pm - misc - by karmasabitch (man) - United States (New York)

Today, for my birthday, I got a Big Mac. FML

#2019418
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60850) - you deserved it (8816)

On 05/17/2009 at 4:09pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was showing my new iPhone case to my friends, saying how it was scratchproof, shockproof, and waterproof. I demonstrated it by dropping it on the sidewalk from about 5 feet. It bounced onto the road. Apparently, its not truck-proof. FML

#2018927
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13540) - you deserved it (96211)

On 05/17/2009 at 3:49pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized that my father's weekly unemployment check is more than my bi-weekly pay check. My full time job pays less than my father's unemployment. FML

#2015080
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58574) - you deserved it (4664)

On 05/17/2009 at 1:42pm - money - by thatsucks (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was waiting in the car while my mom went into a store to get beer. A few minutes later, some guy was knocking on my window telling me to open the door. I started cursing him out, thinking I was getting attacked. Turns out he worked there and was putting the beer in the car. FML

#2010673
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12344) - you deserved it (49727)

On 05/17/2009 at 10:39am - misc - by Kerrilyn (woman) - United States

Today, I was coaching a little league soccer game. I was telling one of my players to go cover another kid. I said "go cover the little yellow kid!" because he happened to be wearing a yellow shirt. He also happened to be Asian. I then got death stares from his family members. FML

#2009898
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57790) - you deserved it (21627)

On 05/17/2009 at 9:48am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was in the dressing room of my favorite store. While looking in the mirror at a shirt I really like, the fire alarm went off. In a panic, I ran out of the store like everyone else. The sensor went off on my shirt and I was banned from the store for attempted theft. FML

#2009508
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53240) - you deserved it (4194)

On 05/17/2009 at 9:21am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I woke up to a hand rubbing my very erect penis, and a woman's peppermint breath in my ear. "Mom?" I called out instinctively, recalling how she always smells like peppermint. The hand stopped rubbing, and I turned to face my very disgusted looking girlfriend of three years. FML

#2005903
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28833) - you deserved it (85892)

On 05/17/2009 at 2:42am - intimacy - by Ohshit (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was working at a grocery store when a couple of my co-workers called a code pink in aisle 22, which means there was an attractive woman in that aisle. After hearing about how hot she was, I went over to see her for myself. It was my mom. FML

#2004555
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60926) - you deserved it (5607)

On 05/17/2009 at 1:46am - work - by sonofmilf (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was on a bike ride when a bug flew into my eye. Not wanting to stop, I figured I would just keep that eye closed until I could cry it out. Five seconds later, a bug flew into my other eye. FML

#2003683
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50999) - you deserved it (7869)

On 05/17/2009 at 1:17am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, a little girl came up to me and said "Hi, my name is Lindsey, lets be friends!". I thought she was cute so I played along and said "Okay! My name is Jen!" Her Reply: "Wait, nevermind, I don't want to be friends anymore. You smell funny." FML

#2002110
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45793) - you deserved it (11750)

On 05/17/2009 at 12:33am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my friend Kate and I were helping build a playground. Halfway through, a construction worker asks where we go to school. I told him we graduated and proudly held degrees in psych. The construction worker stopped mid-dig, glanced at us sadly and said, "yeah that's what my degree's in too." FML

#2001814
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46981) - you deserved it (7822)

On 05/17/2009 at 12:20am - work - by blairheir721 (man) - United States (Ohio)



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