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FMLs submitted from United States

Today... I got a letter in the mail about my periodic health assessment 4 active duty Soldiers. I came back positive 4 two curable STD's that r extremely common on Fort Polk. I haven't had sex with anyone but my wife. FML

#3880304
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73033) - you deserved it (3638)

On 07/19/2009 at 12:43pm - intimacy - by kareed3 (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I had a serious allergic reaction to the food I ate at a Chinese restaurant that supposedly didn't contain peanuts. According to my waitress, peanut oil "doesn't count". FML

#3879305
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49408) - you deserved it (4217)

On 07/19/2009 at 11:12am - misc - by phlyingphuck (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, After Not Seieng Mah Boyfriend 4 9 Months, He Came To Meet Me At The Arport . I Was So Excitedhen I Frst Saw Him That I Broke Into A Sprint To Greet Him . Apparently, Running Through The Arport Looks Suspicious, Because A Security Guard Tackled Me . Now I Have A Broken Nose . Fat FML

#3878343
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51456) - you deserved it (6830)

On 07/19/2009 at 9:49am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went on a date with a girl. She drove while texting someone then stoppd at a house an told me to wait in the car. She left her phone so I lookd at the last text an it says ( I'm ere 4 the quicky ). Our ( date ) was a decoy to throw her mom off so she could sleep with another guy.

#3877886
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66581) - you deserved it (4418)

On 07/19/2009 at 8:44am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I receivd a letter in the mail stating that I had won a trip to Cancun, Mexico. It lookd like a scam so I threw it away. I later found out that it was a birthday present from mah cousin and the envelope also containd a check 4 5 thousand dollars to help cover some expenses. real FML

#3877056
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24569) - you deserved it (64754)

On 07/19/2009 at 6:11am - money - by Unluckyducky (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was at a Starbucks drive-thru and was grabbing a hot coffee when I got rear endd and mah car hit the vehicle in front of me which deployd mah arbag. Hot coffee can really burn when it hits yur face at a high rate of sped. FML

#3875219
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49363) - you deserved it (3426)

On 07/19/2009 at 3:25am - health - by coffeeburns (man) - United States

TODAY, I WAS WAITING IN LINE WITH A FRIEND, AND SHE POKED MAH STOMACH AND SAID, "I WISH I HAD YOUR STOMACH." I ASKED HER WHY. SHE SAID, "BOYS WOULDN'T FLRT WITH ME." FML

#3872340
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45583) - you deserved it (4912)

On 07/19/2009 at 1:12am - misc - by Pusillanimous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, mah cat cummed through mah window, holding a dead rat in her mouth an dropped it in mah pile of clothes. I then asked mah dad if he could get the dead rat out of mah room. After looking for an hour, he couldn't fine it. Guess the rat wasn't dead after all. FML

#3868753
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39946) - you deserved it (3468)

On 07/18/2009 at 11:12pm - animals - by omgjessp (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got sick in the airsick bag as my flight landed. The woman next to me, trying to make me feel better, says ( Don't handle landings too well? ) I responded ( No, I actually fly fine, I'm just 8 weeks pregnant. ) She looked at my left hand, noticed no ring, rolled her eyes and looked away. FML

#3867495
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45373) - you deserved it (15613)

On 07/18/2009 at 10:27pm - misc - by preggersss (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

yesterday I was going on a first date with a girl I really like . We were going to see the new Harry Potter movie, and she told me she was getting all dressd up . It was only after I pickd her up I realizd she meant that she was dressing nicely . I was dressd as Harry Potter . FML

#3866065
293 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28183) - you deserved it (60922)

On 07/18/2009 at 9:26pm - misc - by harrysolo (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I woke up wen te guy I ad spent te nigt wit slid out of bed. Wen e realized I was awake, e looked down at me, sook is ead, and said "I've gotta lay off te beer..." FML

#3863732
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47627) - you deserved it (12578)

On 07/18/2009 at 7:31pm - intimacy - by blackntangirl (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I usd a public bathroom. I hung mah purse up on the hook on the door. Two minutes later, a hand reaches over the door an steals mah purse. I got robbedhile taking a crap. FML

#3862614
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47383) - you deserved it (7291)

On 07/18/2009 at 6:32pm - misc - by xobeachbabi428ox - United States (New Jersey)

TODAY, I PROUDLY INFORMED MA BOYFRIEND TAT I AM NOW A SIZE 4, DOWN FROM AN 18, AFTER MONTS OF DIETING AN EXERCISING AFTER E TOLD ME E WOULD LIKE ME TO BE A SIZE 6. HE BROKE UP WIT ME 4 "NOT LISTENING TO WAT E WANTED" AN "BIENG AN OVERACIEVER". FML

#3861516
376 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71987) - you deserved it (7666)

On 07/18/2009 at 5:35pm - misc - by overachiever - United States (Illinois)



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