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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my wife of three years asked me to meet her for lunch at Subway. When I arrived, she was standing in the parking lot. She handed me a footlong sub, said "I got you a turkey sandwich" and followed it up with "And I'm leaving you." FML

#1727113
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (87361) - you deserved it (4620)

On 05/07/2009 at 6:39pm - love - by Joey (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had a phone interview with my potential new boss. I was getting excited about the prospects of landing a great job. I had nailed every question the man asked me and right after he told me he'll call me tomorrow if he wants me to come in I sweetly said, "Talk to you tomorrow, Love you" FML

#1723493
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21728) - you deserved it (53456)

On 05/07/2009 at 5:10pm - work - by jobless (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was at the library. I went near the computer section when I saw this man cursing and pounding his fists on a computer. He left. I thought I'd check it out. As I sat down, a librarian came over with the security guard and pointed at me. I'm now being fined for destroying public property. FML

#1722072
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47306) - you deserved it (13992)

On 05/07/2009 at 4:27pm - misc - by weliveanddie14 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, after leaving a bar I fell asleep on the Q train heading home. I awoke at 5am in Coney Island, end of the line, to a cop poking me with his baton. He gave me a ticket for "Subway Vagrancy" even though I have a job and an apartment. He didn't ticket the homeless man next to me covered in piss. FML

#1720755
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47272) - you deserved it (6978)

On 05/07/2009 at 3:47pm - misc - by sleepyt127 - United States (New York)

Today, I went to the pet store to get mice for my mom's snakes. While checking out, the guy working behind the register asked what kind of snakes I had. I told him they were my mom's and he mentioned this crazy woman that talks to her snakes. That's my mom. FML

#1717469
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49522) - you deserved it (4152)

On 05/07/2009 at 1:22pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was in the middle of walking home when I saw an old woman trying to get away from what looked like a mugger. I go over and try to help her out and get the man off of her, which was successful. Turns out she was having a heart attack and the man was a doctor. FML

#1716877
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41637) - you deserved it (15991)

On 05/07/2009 at 12:52pm - misc - by JuniorDetective (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out that the guy i've been having sex with for over a month didn't know my name until today. No wonder he always ever called me 'baby.' FML

#1716313
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31303) - you deserved it (65458)

On 05/07/2009 at 12:17pm - intimacy - by ummPORQUE (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I told my students that I would be absent tomorrow because my wife was giving birth. They burst into applause... not to congratulate me on the new baby. FML

#1714959
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46309) - you deserved it (12362)

On 05/07/2009 at 10:50am - kids - by spanishteach (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I really get off on hearing her say my name so I was imagining her doing so more often than she actually was. I then called out my own name by accident. FML

#1714855
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26877) - you deserved it (95657)

On 05/07/2009 at 10:45am - intimacy - by eeh (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I released some ducks I had hand raised with my sisters at a local lake. They were raised around my huge German Shepherd, which explains why they didn't freak out when two huge dogs came out of no where and killed three of them, in front of my little sisters. FML

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone. After a short pause I hear him say "I love you." Smiling I say, "I love you too." Then he says, "I was talking to my dog." FML

#1713391
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54392) - you deserved it (5363)

On 05/07/2009 at 8:39am - love - by TrulyYours (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML

#1711398
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51044) - you deserved it (4252)

On 05/07/2009 at 3:40am - misc - by mikesok988 (man) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, my manager bailed on me during the afternoon rush; swamped and distracted, I cut off the pad of my thumb in a cheese slicer. Some clinic hours later I returned, hungry and sick with blood loss, to sign WC papers. Manager's only words: "You're staying late to cover your long break, right?" FML

#1708480
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52472) - you deserved it (2541)

On 05/07/2009 at 12:53am - work - by Sarah (woman) - United States (Tennessee)



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