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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was late for a medical school seminar and test. An SUV flipped over on the highway right in front of me. I held pressure to gushing, lacerated artery until EMS arrived. He lived, but I might have to repeat the whole year because I missed a big test. The test? Emergency response medicine. FML

#4459199
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63496) - you deserved it (2664)

On 08/11/2009 at 8:58pm - work - by doctorchick (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was delivering packages as usual for work. I was dropping off a large letter to a hot girl. Before I turned to leave the girl opened her mouth to say something. Instead, she just vomited all over me. Her letter was my first delivery of the day. I had to finish my job covered in puke. FML

#4457491
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36082) - you deserved it (2204)

On 08/11/2009 at 7:15pm - work - by FedExMan (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was sneaking over to my girlfriend's house. I sent her mother a text message thinking it was my girlfriend saying "There's a stalker coming in to make you his play mate ;]" Unfortunately when I got to her window I was greeted by her dad with a bat. FML

#4454035
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8923) - you deserved it (66720)

On 08/11/2009 at 4:30pm - love - by Ohfman117 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was supposed to finally go out with my guy-friend that I have liked for a long time. He told me he would text me, and after waiting for hours for the text, I finally got it. It said, "Guess what!? I just got laid!" He forgot our date, had it off, and I congratulated him. FML

#4453766
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50878) - you deserved it (8319)

On 08/11/2009 at 4:13pm - love - by denied (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, at work, a man bought a lot of really expensive stuff. He paid the large bill with cash, and the manager helped me count the money. When we were done, he handed me a $100 bill to thank me for all the help. We can't accept tips. The manager was next to me. I had to say no. FML

#4451238
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64992) - you deserved it (3414)

On 08/11/2009 at 1:57pm - work - by aw-wtf (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went ice skating for my friend's birthday. We had to vacate the skating rink so that they could smooth out the rink for the next session. I don't know how to skate and my friends left me. Not only was I the last one out of the rink, but I had to crawl my way out with everyone laughing. FML

#4450231
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40429) - you deserved it (5518)

On 08/11/2009 at 12:58pm - misc - by elmangy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, the dry cleaner next to my house went up in flames. I went outside to look at the fire, as I looked on in amazement I realized I had dropped off all of my work clothes at the cleaners two days before. I was supposed to pick them up today but was too lazy to walk the 10 feet to the store. FML

#4449065
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11213) - you deserved it (60654)

On 08/11/2009 at 11:33am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, as I was driving my dad home, I got a text message. My dad, who doesn't want me texting while I'm driving, decided to read the text message to me. He began to repeat a message from my boyfriend recounting the amazing sex we had the night before. FML

#4448908
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48723) - you deserved it (19348)

On 08/11/2009 at 11:21am - intimacy - by Teamarie (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was home alone. I didn't expect anyone to be anywhere near home, so when I got out of the shower, I walked to the living room, naked, to get the tv remote for my room. Only to find the UPS guy standing at our glass front door. I screamed... so did he. FML

#4447976
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39717) - you deserved it (17117)

On 08/11/2009 at 10:01am - misc - by Lilly_28 (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was at the pool, casually flirting with one of the lifeguards. He said that he would gladly give me CPR, in the event that I needed it. I laughed and thanked him, stating that it was a sweet idea, even though I wouldn't be needing assistance. I then choked on my bottled water. FML

#4445744
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13044) - you deserved it (40403)

On 08/11/2009 at 4:58am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was approached by the head cheerleader, and she asked for my number. I was so excited that I gave it to her without question. Then she smiled, and walked away. Too bad my girlfriend was right behind me when it happened. FML

#4443952
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8280) - you deserved it (103368)

On 08/11/2009 at 2:42am - misc - by A.L.Woody - United States (Colorado)

Today, I had a horrible breakup with my girlfriend of two years. Depressed, I changed my Facebook status to, "Hate me today, hate me tomorrow, hate me for all the things I didn't do for you." My ex commented, "Give me an orgasm?" Five of my friends, including my mom, liked this. FML

#4443925
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46462) - you deserved it (21225)

On 08/11/2009 at 2:40am - love - by JazzSpazz (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to Safeway. Go in, get stuff, come out, and I have almost no room to get into my car because an SUV was parked in a compact spot next to me all crooked. Irritated, I got a pen and paper and wrote 'Nice parking you F*ing idiot' and stuck it on the windshield. Then I notice someone was in the SUV. FML

#4442846
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14231) - you deserved it (41668)

On 08/11/2009 at 1:52am - misc - by Amanda (woman) - United States (Washington)



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