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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was talking to this guy that I like a lot and I think he likes me back. When he told me I was beautiful I laughed so hard that I farted. Loudly. FML

#2147101
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51053) - you deserved it (22865)

On 05/21/2009 at 3:13pm - love - by ECullen (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was looking over some old notes from high school when I came across a list of things I wanted to accomplish by the time I'm 25. I haven't accomplished a single one. I'm 26. FML

#2144492
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39681) - you deserved it (14646)

On 05/21/2009 at 1:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my parents bought me a wine glass with "Who needs a man?" painted all over it. Cute, until after dinner my mom looked me in the eyes and asked with complete sincerity, "Kara, are you gay?" My parents tried to get me to come out. I'm straight. FML

#2140497
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48305) - you deserved it (3117)

On 05/21/2009 at 9:06am - misc - by pa (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, the three-year-old I was babysitting asked me where my boyfriend was. I told her he was at his house. I'm twenty and single. I lied to a three year old to make myself look less pathetic. FML

#2136862
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42964) - you deserved it (12592)

On 05/21/2009 at 2:21am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was taking a final exam and I reached into my pocket to get out a pencil. I felt this thing in my pocket so I got it out and put it on the desk. At first I thought it was a leaf but then it started kicking and trying to run around. It was a cockroach. It had been living in my pocket. FML

#2135843
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46627) - you deserved it (8123)

On 05/21/2009 at 1:36am - misc - by GrahamCracker (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was scolding my 8 year old son because he was getting bad grades in school. I told him that he should get straight A's like his friend Ceejay. He told me that comparing him to Ceejay was unfair and when I asked why he said, "Because his dad is actually smart." FML

#2134167
287 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17144) - you deserved it (60325)

On 05/21/2009 at 12:35am - kids - by tomandjerry (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was surprised to learn that I could carry on intelligent conversations about basketball with my guy friends. Then I realized it was because my boyfriend insists on watching ESPN while we have sex. FML

#2133178
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54712) - you deserved it (7676)

On 05/21/2009 at 12:04am - intimacy - by S (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was sitting at my college campus, there were good looking girls all around me and I was trying to catch their eye and smile, letting them know I'm available. A butterfly flew by me and I screamed. FML

#2123826
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16833) - you deserved it (57904)

On 05/20/2009 at 8:11pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my mom and my step dad decided they're getting a divorce. They've been married for 2 weeks and I paid for a quarter of the wedding. FML

#2122739
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65117) - you deserved it (5843)

On 05/20/2009 at 7:44pm - love - by disaster... (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was out walking my dog. A cute woman says "nice dog" and without thinking I respond, "you too." FML

#2115737
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15255) - you deserved it (40748)

On 05/20/2009 at 4:22pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I decided to surprise my girlfriend and sent her an Edible Arrangement. When she called to tell me she had gotten it, she was more excited about the cute boy who delivered it than she was about the fruit bouquet. FML

#2114921
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48330) - you deserved it (3575)

On 05/20/2009 at 4:01pm - love - by edible (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was walking around my house without a shirt on after my shower. I picked up my cat and walked around the corner... Just as my dad turned on the vacuum. Now I have 6 rather deep bloody holes in my shoulder and chest. FML

#2113769
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40728) - you deserved it (7526)

On 05/20/2009 at 3:12pm - animals - by vitalcheese (man) - United States (Michigan)



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