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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my husband and I got back from our honeymoon and we saw his mom's car in front of our house. When we walked in she asked us so many questions about our trip. The first question she asked my husband was, "Were you satisfied with her in bed?" FML

#1625692
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59320) - you deserved it (3043)

On 05/04/2009 at 1:17pm - misc - by Jess (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I asked my mom if she thought I was straight. She looked at me and said "Well, that's really up to you honey. But your father and I would still love you." I was asking if she thought I had parked straight. FML

#1625172
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48234) - you deserved it (11373)

On 05/04/2009 at 12:51pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my grandma gave me a gift (something she has never done before). I was so excited until I found out it was one of her overdue library books on dolphins. I feel so loved. FML

#1620964
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43030) - you deserved it (2644)

On 05/04/2009 at 8:35am - misc - by hawtpinkpanties (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, while watching TV, I danced, sang along, and helped Dora the Explorer get to her Grandmother's house. It was the most fun I've had all year. I'm 21. FML

#1619469
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56631) - you deserved it (26947)

On 05/04/2009 at 5:09am - kids - by Amey (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went to the eye doctor and they used dilating eye-drops on me. After I left, my vision was still pretty blurry. I walked to the subway and when I went to step onto the train, I missed and my whole left leg got stuck in the gap. The train was delayed 10 minutes because of me. FML

#1617727
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47180) - you deserved it (4699)

On 05/04/2009 at 2:28am - misc - by kraussy (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out that the girl I've been dating online for over three months is actually a very bored 14-year-old boy. FML

#1617373
513 comments

I agree, your life sucks (96450) - you deserved it (265550)

On 05/04/2009 at 2:12am - love - by Iman (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went into work to set up a new store. There was a lot of lifting so I dressed casual. This happened to be the day the owner brought in his conservative family to check out the store. I was wearing a shirt that says "everyone poops" and has a donkey and elephant pooping. FML

#1616689
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13581) - you deserved it (54390)

On 05/04/2009 at 1:40am - work - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was leaving a campus parking garage. Suddenly, a huge man appeared behind me and kept saying "HEY!" "STOP!" In a gruff voice. I picked up my pace and so did he. I finally turned to him with a can of mace and threatened to use it. He was trying to return the $5 bill I dropped. FML

#1615706
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12555) - you deserved it (56946)

On 05/04/2009 at 1:08am - misc - by CriminalMistake (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I donated blood for the first time, and all the nurses kept complimenting on how good my veins were. That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me in the past 2 months. FML

#1614849
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49952) - you deserved it (3907)

On 05/04/2009 at 12:40am - health - by lsta (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was on Facebook looking at pictures of my boyfriend, who was in his friend's wedding this past weekend. He said that none of the girlfriends could come because it would cost too much for the couple. I spent the weekend alone, and all his friend's girlfriends are in the pictures. FML

#1614370
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56459) - you deserved it (4380)

On 05/04/2009 at 12:25am - love - by pissed (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, a man came up to me and asked for a $50 bill in change? Being a good man i said "sure." I gave him the change and he gave me the $50 bill. As I walk into starbucks to buy a coffee, I handed the casheir my fifty dollar bill, she called the cops. It was counterfeit. FML

#1611269
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46915) - you deserved it (20983)

On 05/03/2009 at 10:12pm - misc - by supermanj76 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at the gym and I saw a really cute guy working out nearby. I tried to get his attention by taking off my shirt and smiling at him. When he walked over to me, instead of asking for my number, he just said "Can you please put that back on? Thanks". FML

#1607608
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17117) - you deserved it (51462)

On 05/03/2009 at 8:36pm - misc - by Gjkashldf (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was about to lose my virginity with my girlfriend of 2 years, when I got an urgent phone call from my 9-year-old sister, telling me I had to come home immediately. My grandma fell off the toilet and got stuck between the bowl and the wall. I'm not making this up. FML

#1604682
310 comments

I agree, your life sucks (259338) - you deserved it (17186)

On 05/03/2009 at 7:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States



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