FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I woke up late for a very important presentation. I got dressed but forgot to wear a bra. During the presentation, I bent down to adjust a shoe strap. I rose to find that the thin straps of my blouse snapped and exposed my breasts. I gave a great presentation and a titty show. FML

by exposed / 03/15/2010 at 2:35am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I came home to hear my girlfriend break up with me, over the answering machine, with my entire family in the room. FML

by kukadaman / 03/15/2010 at 2:19am / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I learned that a few pubes on your bed can stop you from getting laid. FML

by PubelishedAuthor / 03/15/2010 at 2:00am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I started hooking up with a guy I've liked for a while. We got pretty into it and he went into my underwear, looking confused. When I asked him what was wrong, his response was: "I can't find it." FML

by Anonymous / 03/15/2010 at 1:41am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I was so excited to finally use my $45 gift card to a hair salon. I walk up to the doors to find them locked and to look inside to see that the salon was not only closed but out of business. FML

by Fridaythe12th / 03/15/2010 at 12:51am / United States (California) / Money

Today, I was at the gas station pumping gas when the lady in front of me had a little boy who asked if he could pump the gas. She said yes and then quickly answered her phone, as it was ringing. She wasn't watching him and he pulled out the pump to early, spraying gas all over me, including my face. FML

by Anonymous / 03/15/2010 at 12:34am / United States (Colorado) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend offered to give me a piggyback ride from the house to the car as means of avoiding walking in mud. Both aware of how tall he is, he crouched extra low and I jumped extra hard. This makes for a terrible example of leapfrog, and a faceplant in the mud. FML

by Anonymous / 03/14/2010 at 10:17pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, he started playing with my nipples. Suddenly he stops kissing me, looks at my nipples and says, "Have they always been like this? They look like joysticks!". He then started singing the Super Mario Brother's theme song and playing the game with my nipples. FML

by Anonymous / 03/14/2010 at 10:09pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, while walking to my car through the snow, I noticed the sunroof was open and 2 feet of snow had poured in. Angry, I opened the door to start cleaning. That's when I noticed all the wildlife that had taken refuge inside from the cold. Not only were my seat cushions wet, they were torn open. FML

by grann / 03/14/2010 at 9:39pm / United States (Colorado) / Transportation

Today, my Dad told me that I was named after the dog he accidentally shot in the head as a teenager. FML

by OhhhNooo / 03/14/2010 at 7:23pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, while taking a shower, a spider fell from the ceiling onto my foot. I took down my shower head to wash it down the drain, and in the process, got soap in my eye and rammed my head into the wall. FML

by Anonymous / 03/14/2010 at 4:30pm / United States (North Carolina) / Animals

Today, while waiting at the bus stop, the guy standing near me started peeing on the sidewalk and on my shoes. FML

by Anonymous / 03/14/2010 at 4:26pm / United States (Illinois) / Transportation

Today, I found out that the only reason my ex husband calls my son anymore, is to ask him to send him things on Facebook. FML

by mommy / 03/14/2010 at 4:14pm / United States / Kids