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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my dad threw up on my dress. My wedding dress. While he was walking me down the aisle. FML

#5431365
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62405) - you deserved it (3174)

On 09/23/2009 at 5:38pm - misc - by poorgirl (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I bought a fish bowl and a fish for $15. I brought him home and sat him on my desk. Everything was going well until the shelf gave out and his bowl slid off of the shelf... onto my $2,000 computer. The computer is fried and is not covered by the insurance, the fish is fine. FML

#5430924
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34469) - you deserved it (10145)

On 09/23/2009 at 4:48pm - misc - by Bubba (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I found a video camera behind a plant in my bedroom. My husband uses it to video tape himself having sex, with another woman. FML

#5429475
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36972) - you deserved it (2318)

On 09/23/2009 at 3:32pm - intimacy - by ugh (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my plates on my car were stolen. On the way to the police station to file a police report I was pulled over. They impounded my car for driving without a license plate. FML

Today, I realized that my coach doesn't close the door and the blinds to perform half-naked body checks (to make sure his team is in shape) on anyone else but me. FML

#5424616
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46339) - you deserved it (4499)

On 09/23/2009 at 7:28am - misc - by MaKaDa - United States (Texas)

Today, I had a nervous breakdown. My life has been going down the drain and I called my boyfriend for comfort. I was crying my eyes out, finally getting everything off of my chest that has been bothering me. I thought it was quiet because he was listening closely. I was wrong. He fell asleep. FML

#5424504
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37298) - you deserved it (8347)

On 09/23/2009 at 7:10am - love - by Riskreh (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend beat me at ping pong, twenty to three. She said I let her win because I don't respect her, then stormed out of the room. I'm just really bad at ping pong. FML

#5423695
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38263) - you deserved it (3973)

On 09/23/2009 at 4:14am - love - by garrett (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my fitness trainer husband told me that if I could not make the commitment to stay thin, he could not make the commitment to stay with me. FML

#5423038
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42995) - you deserved it (14781)

On 09/23/2009 at 2:47am - love - by fatty (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was at my friends house for the first time in months. I saw her newest chihuahua dog, Mickey, and he was excited that new people were over. I picked him up and slightly bounced him in the air. Because of the bounce and his excitement, he peed a little bit, straight into my eye. FML

#5422462
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15781) - you deserved it (30428)

On 09/23/2009 at 1:55am - animals - by GreatAim - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was in a college band rehearsal, and I get a call saying "your car was just hit by a tree!" I said "yeah, right", and hung up on her. Minutes later, the band manager walks in and tells me that my car is totaled. I then went and stood in the rain watching a tree get cut off my car. FML

#5421005
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30229) - you deserved it (6048)

On 09/22/2009 at 10:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I received a phone call from the number of a "single" guy I met online. It was his wife, who is three months pregnant. She threatened to kick my ass. FML

#5419998
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31914) - you deserved it (7564)

On 09/22/2009 at 9:10pm - love - by cchandler (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went online to check my credit report. My credit report says that I am deceased, and have no rating. I'm at least 90% sure that this is not true. FML

#5419647
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39419) - you deserved it (2339)

On 09/22/2009 at 8:27pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my vegetarian housemate cleaned the fridge. He threw away all of the meat in our fridge and made a nice sign stating "Meat is Murder". I was storing roughly $1000 worth of filet mignon steaks and seafood for my sister's wedding. FML

#5416857
459 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61164) - you deserved it (5307)

On 09/22/2009 at 5:48pm - misc - by carnivore (man) - United States (Washington)



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