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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I saw myself in a 'girls gone wild' ad with another girl. So did my mom. FML

#2987164
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24540) - you deserved it (110022)

On 06/18/2009 at 3:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was riding my bike down a road I know is quite hazardous. Having almost been hit in the same spot the day before, I rode across the intersection very satisfied without having been injured. Until I crashed into the guy front of me and flipped over my handlebars. FML

#2984758
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9512) - you deserved it (39106)

On 06/18/2009 at 1:31am - health - by ihpgolj (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was at the mall with some friends. In the food court we passed by this creepy pervert feeling up a woman. I take a closer look and realize with horror that the guy is my dad in sunglasses and a hat. The lady he was with was not my mom. FML

#2984635
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (80281) - you deserved it (3122)

On 06/18/2009 at 1:26am - misc - by traumatized (woman) - United States

Today, I was invited out to a date by my ex-boyfriend. He seemed really excited to reconnect and kept holding my hand and complimenting how I looked. Out of nowhere a girl runs up to him screaming. It was his current girlfriend, he was using me to make her jealous. FML

#2983603
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46762) - you deserved it (5975)

On 06/18/2009 at 12:52am - love - by savvylady (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I took home my grandpa's ashes. I then went out with my grandma, leaving my 5-year-old at home with my 12-year-old. When I got home, my beaming 5-year-old opened the door, covered in white powder. My grandmother asked where all the powder had come from. She pointed to the empty ashbox. FML

#2980433
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43809) - you deserved it (16098)

On 06/17/2009 at 10:40pm - love - by fcnk (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was hanging out with a friend at IHOP. When I left, a middle aged man in the parking lot offered me $100 to sleep with him in the dumpsters behind the building. That is the first time I've been hit on in months. FML

#2976361
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41101) - you deserved it (3563)

On 06/17/2009 at 8:24pm - misc - by Pancakegirl - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was on the phone with my best friend who lives out of town. He was strangely quiet. Later that day I asked him why he didn't talk much. He admitted he was jacking off to the sound of my voice. FML

#2975022
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51708) - you deserved it (4408)

On 06/17/2009 at 7:27pm - intimacy - by automaticfail_00 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was dropping my new boyfriend off at his house. I had never been there before, so he was giving me directions as I drove. We passed a small trailer home on the right. I commented without thinking, "I'm so glad I don't live in a house like that." My boyfriend told me to turn right. FML

#2973939
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9916) - you deserved it (60457)

On 06/17/2009 at 6:08pm - love - by emix (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I went commando because its 98 degrees and sweaty boxers are a pain. While walking to class at UT I heard a girl laugh behind me, I turned and flashed a quick smile and kept walking. It turns out I had sweat through my khakis and she totally could see my crack. Texas weather sucks. FML

#2968548
255 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17276) - you deserved it (44291)

On 06/17/2009 at 1:44pm - misc - by Longhorn2011 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my friend told me that he was having a scrabble tournament at his house with a bunch of our friends. I told my dad about the tournament and he gave me a special scrabble dictionary to bring. Hesitantly, I brought the dictionary and as I walked in everyone was playing beer pong. FML

#2968002
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34735) - you deserved it (11678)

On 06/17/2009 at 1:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was running with my sister's dog. It had the brilliant idea of shooting between my legs and I immediately faceplanted on the cement. I now have a swollen nose and cuts all over my body. I'm a grown man who does martial arts and I got beat up by a dog the size of a baby. FML

#2963947
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28683) - you deserved it (5992)

On 06/17/2009 at 10:12am - health - by Broken (man) - United States (California)

Today, I finished the run for a play in which I played a gay man. Now that all the performances are over, I have kissed a man more times in my life than I have kissed a woman. I'm straight. FML

#2963863
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48945) - you deserved it (9392)

On 06/17/2009 at 10:06am - love - by yashmoshin1 (man) - United States

Today, while working in a restaurant, I took an elderly man to his table under a red colored lamp. He asked me if this was "the red light district." I thought he was just kidding until when I was placing down the menus he leaned in and whispered creepily in my ear, "You know, you're really sexy." FML

#2960234
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37715) - you deserved it (2605)

On 06/17/2009 at 3:12am - intimacy - by creepedouthostess (woman) - United States (Washington)



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