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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was leaving work when some creeper start following me. When he asked me for my name, I immediately gave him a fake one. He just laughed and said “I hope to see you soon.” He used my real name. First AND last. I was still wearing my name tag. FML

Today, I thought I'd finally make a step towards getting over my ex-fiancé by flirting with a cute waiter. I left him a note on the bill. He comes back, says "which one of you is [name]?" and leans down close to me to say, "Thanks for your note, but your card was declined." FML

#2203706
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46591) - you deserved it (7325)

On 05/23/2009 at 2:43am - love - by Mel (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my brother and I were standing at the baggage claim, waiting for our luggage to come out. We were commenting on all the bags that appeared, and when two large hiking packs came out I exclaimed "What kind of cunts go backpacking in New York?" The old couple standing next to us, apparently. FML

#2203272
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6679) - you deserved it (78311)

On 05/23/2009 at 2:20am - misc - by beavis - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I decided to tell my mother what I thought about religion. I've been raised catholic. I told her I was converting to Wicca, to which she sort of nodded and walked away. I went into my room to study with my earbuds in, music loud. I walked out to see a cross nailed above my door. FML

#2202679
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37361) - you deserved it (31878)

On 05/23/2009 at 1:50am - misc - by Sigh (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was lining a soccer field. I had the entire grid laid out, so I began to paint with a handheld cart. I finished the entire field without looking back once. I forgot to put paint in the cart. I walked around a field for an hour painting with air. FML

#2201893
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13612) - you deserved it (59020)

On 05/23/2009 at 1:15am - misc - by onlyme (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I was putting on cream and my son asked what it was for. I told him it was to keep the wrinkles away. He looked at me closely and replied, "I don't think it's working." FML

#2201363
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42022) - you deserved it (5808)

On 05/23/2009 at 1:04am - kids - by julieb (man) - United States (New York)

Today, was my wedding night. We had decided to wait until marriage to have sex. When I undressed and smiled at my new wife, she burst into tears and cried, "please don't make me do this." FML

#2200863
540 comments

I agree, your life sucks (209009) - you deserved it (22459)

On 05/23/2009 at 12:44am - intimacy - by honeymoondisaster (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a little girl at work was coloring a picture that said "Best Dad" on it. Wanting to be nice I asked her if she was making it for her dad for father's day. She looked at me with a sad face and said, "I don't have a dad..." FML

#2199355
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52155) - you deserved it (6244)

On 05/23/2009 at 12:03am - kids - by zbaby (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while installing a deadbolt on my closet, I did it wrong. It closed but wouldn't lock so I had to re-install it. Sitting on the floor of my closet, I shut it to make sure it was installed correctly. I locked myself in for twenty minutes, home alone, before kicking the door down. FML

Today, while driving across country, my car broke down while in the middle of nowhere. I had it towed to a mechanic in the nearest town. While he fixed the car, I went to get lunch. The only restaurant in town was an old-fashioned drive-up diner. They wouldn't serve me because I wasn't in a car. FML

#2189691
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43560) - you deserved it (2276)

On 05/22/2009 at 7:25pm - misc - by stillhungry (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I decided to give my virginity to my boyfriend of four months, because I told him I loved him. Two minutes after he'd pulled out, he grabs his cell and mass texts "I FINALLY GOT LAID!". FML

#2187594
289 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65934) - you deserved it (24139)

On 05/22/2009 at 6:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I asked my best friend why she didn't ask our other best friend Anna to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. She said, "She's too pretty. I need ugly bridesmaids to make me look better." I am the maid of honor. FML

#2187535
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56079) - you deserved it (3313)

On 05/22/2009 at 6:21pm - misc - by Neverthebride - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was kicked out of my parents house. I was sleeping in my truck bed because I had nowhere to go. I awoke to a "beep beep beep" noise. I was being towed while sleeping in the truck bed. FML

#2183304
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42699) - you deserved it (5579)

On 05/22/2009 at 4:08pm - misc - by tootles (man) - United States (California)



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