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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, a little girl came up to me and said "Hi, my name is Lindsey, lets be friends!". I thought she was cute so I played along and said "Okay! My name is Jen!" Her Reply: "Wait, nevermind, I don't want to be friends anymore. You smell funny." FML

#2002110
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45724) - you deserved it (11736)

On 05/17/2009 at 12:33am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my friend Kate and I were helping build a playground. Halfway through, a construction worker asks where we go to school. I told him we graduated and proudly held degrees in psych. The construction worker stopped mid-dig, glanced at us sadly and said, "yeah that's what my degree's in too." FML

#2001814
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46916) - you deserved it (7811)

On 05/17/2009 at 12:20am - work - by blairheir721 (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was driving home. It was late and I wanted to get home so I started speeding. I didn't wanna get a ticket so I slowed down everytime I saw a car that could be a cop, judging by headlights. There was a car with a busted headlight so I sped up. Couldn't be a cop car. It could. $216 proof. FML

#1999194
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11353) - you deserved it (50412)

On 05/16/2009 at 11:13pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, my five year old daughter came up to me and asked, "Mom, why are we so poor?" I replied, in a sweet motherly tone "Honey, we're not poor." She then asked, "Then why do you dress like we are poor?" FML

#1997248
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43882) - you deserved it (7433)

On 05/16/2009 at 10:21pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, when done feeding my newborn, I stated to my husband that I'm a cow. He said, in a sincere tone, "Oh, baby, you'll lose the weight soon." I meant cow because I'm producing so much milk. FML

#1987412
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46925) - you deserved it (19205)

On 05/16/2009 at 5:41pm - love - by Heifer (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I called the guy I've liked for a long time and told him how I felt. He didn't say anything except for "hello." After I spilled my feelings, I hear "Haha, just kidding I'm not here right now! Call me back later!" FML

#1986164
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47420) - you deserved it (7985)

On 05/16/2009 at 5:06pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got home from college. Since I haven't seen my parents in almost a year I sorta expected them to come meet me/pick me up at the airport. Nope. What did I get instead? A text from my dad saying, "I hope you have a key." FML

#1984410
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40472) - you deserved it (2935)

On 05/16/2009 at 4:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Hawaii)

Today, while biking I got into a major crash with two cars. The cars were parked. FML

#1982205
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10863) - you deserved it (51377)

On 05/16/2009 at 2:44pm - misc - by Pokerking98 - United States (Texas)

Today, my father sent me a letter in the mail. He spelled my first name wrong on the front of the envelope. I'm turning 28 years old and my own father doesn't know that my name has two "t"s in it. FML

Today, in class the guy next to me was talking to a girl across the room using gestures to help get across his message. Apparently, pointing at me is the best way to say "ugly." FML

#1979778
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48613) - you deserved it (3167)

On 05/16/2009 at 1:34pm - misc - by uglyguy252 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was at the doctor and I had to get a "finger stick" in the lab to get blood drawn. There was a 6 year old boy waiting to go next. He was terrified. His mother told him to "watch this brave girl go first." I panicked and began to hyperventilate. The boy fainted. FML

#1976392
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44599) - you deserved it (8763)

On 05/16/2009 at 11:20am - misc - by bosssssssss765432 - United States (New York)

Today, I found out that my writing teacher entered in one of my paper grades wrong. After many emails, she said she can't change my grade unless I fax her the original. I need that grade fixed so I can keep my scholarship. I can’t find the paper anywhere. That one paper could cost me $30,000. FML

#1975223
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68275) - you deserved it (7862)

On 05/16/2009 at 10:20am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)



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