FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's mom's house for the first time. They had a cook-out so I got to meet his whole entire family. I went into the kitchen to find a huge picture of his ex-girlfriend on his mom's fridge. FML

by Yup / 06/13/2010 at 3:48am / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, I went to lick the excess peanut butter off the knife after making a PB and J. Turns out the knife can and will cut your tongue, even though you don't think it will. FML

by bobby / 06/12/2010 at 6:13pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

Today, I found out that even after a really bad break up and the fact that I left him for someone else, my parents offered my ex-boyfriend to join us on a one week family vacation. He agreed. FML

by justgreatgirl / 06/11/2010 at 7:00pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, my kitten decided that having diarrhea was not a good enough reason to stop running in circles around my living room. FML

by MegahnDN / 06/11/2010 at 10:33am / United States / Health

Today, my dad decided that my diploma makes a good pen-tester. FML

by dominator152 / 06/10/2010 at 8:57pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at a public pool. A very fat kid yelled, "Cannon Ball!" He jumped right on me. FML

by Collin / 06/10/2010 at 3:59pm / United States (New Jersey) / Health

Today, I walked into work to see my boss's hot son. I wanted him to notice me, so I did my "sexy walk". I then slipped and fell onto my desk, broke my desk, and sprained my wrist. Oh he noticed me alright. FML

by Anonymous / 06/10/2010 at 3:26pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I had to drive 300 miles to a town where I thought I'd forgotten my purse the night before. When I got to the hotel I had been staying at, I found out it was actually in the trunk of my car. FML

by Caitlin / 06/09/2010 at 8:46pm / United States (North Dakota) / Transportation

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in a really really romantic way. After we called our parents to tell them the news, he turned to me and said, "Hey, I hope you know this doesn't mean you can start getting lazy with your blowjobs." FML

by DFR / 06/09/2010 at 9:05am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I wanted to impress my girlfriend with a cool fire breathing trick I learned online, and ended up burning half her room. FML

by Anonymous / 06/09/2010 at 12:41am / United States (Utah) / Love

Today, after making out with my boyfriend for the first time, it took me an hour to convince him he was still a virgin. FML

by dancerr2210 / 06/09/2010 at 12:01am / United States (South Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, I was playing my guitar and singing on the street corner. I did earn money, when some guy threw a quarter out of his car window for me. It hit me in the face. I now have a circle shaped bruise under my eye. FML

by CircleBruise / 06/08/2010 at 7:58pm / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, while in line at the waterpark, I looked down to find my 3 year old daughter chewing on a used band-aid. FML

by sarahfromthesouth / 06/08/2010 at 12:07pm / United States (Texas) / Kids