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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, we got my brother a pet hamster because he has trouble making friends. We thought a hamster would be a good way to teach him about caring for others. I walked into the room and the hamster was hanging from the ceiling. Turns out there's a reason my brother doesn't have friends. FML

#2651635
477 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70575) - you deserved it (4836)

On 06/06/2009 at 1:51am - animals - by hamsterlovinn (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was driving behind a UPS truck. All of a sudden his back door opens up exposing some boxes ready to fall out. Like a good driver I speed up to drive beside him to tell him. He thought I was trying to cut him off so he accelerated. A box flies out and dents my windshield. FML

#2650637
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44033) - you deserved it (4968)

On 06/06/2009 at 1:10am - animals - by Anon (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was walking on a path through a park by myself. I glanced at the ground and saw a shadow behind me. Thinking of an attacker, I screamed as loud as I could and began flailing my arms to ward him off. Turns out, it was a jogger. He had to stop due to his uncontrollable laughter. FML

#2649932
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11738) - you deserved it (49537)

On 06/06/2009 at 12:43am - misc - by paranoid (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I checked my bank account that i've been saving money in since I was a kid for college. I have $100 left out of the $10,000 I had last month. Apparently my parents thought buying a pool and an HDTV for themselves was more important than my college education. FML

#2645679
422 comments

I agree, your life sucks (116746) - you deserved it (5502)

On 06/05/2009 at 10:24pm - money - by ExtemelyBroke (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I was on a double date at a restaurant with two friends of mine and a guy I really liked. Things started getting really quiet so I decided to start talking to make things a little bit less awkward even though I was eating. I ended up spitting a piece of chicken across the table. FML

#2645641
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14435) - you deserved it (39960)

On 06/05/2009 at 10:22pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my best friend whom I have been in love with for years, called me, proposed, and confessed his love for me. He was at a noisy bar so I asked him to call me back later and we'd discuss it. He called back later, hungover, with no recollection of our conversation whatsoever. FML

#2645317
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51237) - you deserved it (4665)

On 06/05/2009 at 10:14pm - love - by Baby_girl (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was on the deck of a sailboat and I started feeling seasick. I bent over the edge to throw up. After I stood back up, the wind changed direction and the boon swung around, knocking me into the open ocean. FML

#2640814
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39702) - you deserved it (4131)

On 06/05/2009 at 7:43pm - health - by Timmay (man) - United States

Today, I found the source of the bad smell that has been plaguing me for the past two weeks in my apartment. The police knocked on my door asking if I've seen my neighbor recently. I haven't. The smell has been that of a dead person. It's a smell that even Febreze can't remove. FML

#2637433
431 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78354) - you deserved it (4694)

On 06/05/2009 at 5:42pm - health - by Michael (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, while laying out, I kept feeling something misty, like a spray bottle. Curious as to what it was since it kept coming, I looked up, only to see the painters were peeing over the side of the house, and the heavy breeze was turning their piss into a refreshing mist for me. FML

#2634152
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57558) - you deserved it (3522)

On 06/05/2009 at 3:47pm - misc - by layout (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me because the love advice that she gets on her cellphone every week says that I'm cheating on her. I've never cheated on her and I was planning to propose next week. FML

#2630668
466 comments

I agree, your life sucks (87206) - you deserved it (5626)

On 06/05/2009 at 1:14pm - love - by dumped (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was with my 14 year old son when we saw a baby sparrow being attacked by four or five blackbirds. We rushed up, waving our arms and scared away the much bigger attackers. The baby sparrow ran toward us for protection, then went past both of us and ran straight down a storm sewer. FML

#2630273
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49180) - you deserved it (3969)

On 06/05/2009 at 12:56pm - misc - by Pierce (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I went to watch the Movie "UP." At one point in the movie I got really sad and started to cry a bit. The 7 year old girl next to me noticed and told me to shut and man up. FML

#2626905
401 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41405) - you deserved it (19320)

On 06/05/2009 at 9:20am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had a 3rd date with a great guy. Over dinner, he told me that he wanted to see more of me. When I agreed, he pulled out his schedule book and started to tell me he was dating 5 other women besides me. He then told me what week in the "rotation" would be mine. He wasn't kidding. FML

#2624413
281 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58895) - you deserved it (4252)

On 06/05/2009 at 3:49am - misc - by shescomfortablynumb (woman) - United States (Florida)



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