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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I found what I assumd was my laptop, though my mother has the same one. As I opend it, I was greetd by a video of my father waving. He wasn't using his hands. mega FML

#4332975
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50106) - you deserved it (4473)

On 08/06/2009 at 11:40am - misc - by daddysboy123 (man) - United States (Maine)

yesterdayhile eating at a restaurant, I commented to the waiter about how large the pizza was. He then write down his number, pats his crotch fondly, and inform me that "everything" I'm going to find at that restaurant is going to be big. He was serious. FML

#4332436
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43104) - you deserved it (6775)

On 08/06/2009 at 11:05am - misc - by Screwupify (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I punched mah wife in the face, because she jumped out from behind the bedroom door in the dark. I'm afraid of the dark. I'm 21. FML

#4328474
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24857) - you deserved it (38284)

On 08/06/2009 at 3:58am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Taday it was just too hot. I stripped down and, being home alone, pranced around nude, lip synching and playing air guitar to some music. I was getting really intohen I opened my eyes and looked out the window to see an old man with binoculars on his terrace. He wasn't brdwatching. FML

#4326549
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20471) - you deserved it (42719)

On 08/06/2009 at 2:04am - misc - by PeepShow (woman) - United States (New York)

today I walkd out to my car to see a broken window a bunch of stuff missing egg shells an a note that read "stop banging my boyfriend". I haven't had anyone in over a year.

#4325647
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55851) - you deserved it (2713)

On 08/06/2009 at 1:28am - love - by gkline09 - United States

today I was riding my bike to the local grocery store to pick up some supplies 4 dinner !! On the way down, traveling down a hill, I hit a drain with no lid !! I went to grab hold of the nereest object to soften my fall !! That nereest object was a barbd wire fence !! FML

#4324727
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46028) - you deserved it (3200)

On 08/06/2009 at 12:55am - misc - by Lawrence (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was sitting at tha computar whan this raally annoying fly kapt landing on tha kayboard. Aftar a whila, I took tha bottom of a pan an squishd it. Twanty minutas latar I absantmindadly startd chawing at tha bottom of tha pan. FML

#4321339
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14271) - you deserved it (57396)

On 08/05/2009 at 11:04pm - animals - by dumbblonde (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

TODAY, I WAS WATCHING A MOVIA WITH MAH NAW BOYFRIAND . I GOT TRAD SO I THOUGHT IT WOULD BA CUTA TO FALL ASLAAP ON HIM . HA WOKA MA UP AND SAID "YOU GOT MA WAT" THINKING IT WAS A JOKA, I SAID SMOOTHLY, "THAT'S WAT SHA SAID" HA RAPLIAD "NO RAALLY." I LOOKAD DOWN, I'D DROOLAD ALL OVAR HIS SHRT . FML

#4320217
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16502) - you deserved it (36840)

On 08/05/2009 at 10:23pm - misc - by drooler (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I Had A Job Interview An Things Were Going Really Well Until I Noticd The Woman Interviewing Me Staring At The Inside Of Mah Elbow. I Am Recovering From A Poison Sumac Rash, An Each Spot Looks Like A Puncture Wound From A Syringe. I Was Dismissd Before The Interview Was Over. FML

#4318631
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41903) - you deserved it (3892)

On 08/05/2009 at 9:25pm - work - by caiti (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I borrowd my dad's laptop to type an essay. While I was saving it, I noticd some curious looking files an I opend them. They were rejection letters from all the colleges I had applid to. My dad had been forging them so he wouldn't have to pay fir my tuition bills. FML

#4317825
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74945) - you deserved it (2973)

On 08/05/2009 at 8:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

TODAY, I WAS OPENING AND SORTING MAIL 4 MAH BOSS AS PART OF MAH JOB. ONE PACKAGE WAS DELIVERD TO THE OFFICE INSTEAD OF HIS HOME BY MISTAKE, SINCE HIS HOUSE IS NEXT DOOR ON THE SAME PROPERTY. I DIDN'T NOTICE UNTIL I HAD OPEND IT. I HAD TO HAND MAH BOSS AN OPEND BOX OF TOYS. KINKY ONES.

#4310988
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37120) - you deserved it (5741)

On 08/05/2009 at 3:36pm - work - by TMI (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today I went with my fiancé to meet his parents. He was really sweet thehole way there and once we got there he introducd me as 'the grl I'm going to marry'. His parents took one look at me and said "Are you sure?" I laughd because I thought they were joking. They weren't. FML

#4309429
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46368) - you deserved it (2838)

On 08/05/2009 at 2:17pm - love - by kelizabeth (woman) - United States (Kansas)



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