FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I ran over a newspaper with the lawnmower, instantly volunteering myself to pick up confetti for hours. FML

by rofld / 07/14/2010 at 12:47pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at a friend's house. She has one of those automatic air fresheners, and I was amazed when it went off. To get a better look at it, I got real close to it. I saw a button and pressed it. The air freshener went off again, spraying nothing but my eye. FML

by Eyefreshener / 07/14/2010 at 2:14am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I made brownies for my co-workers. My boss called me into his office, and I though he was going to compliment me on the baking. Instead, he talked about how his 5-year-old daughter can make brownies better than me. FML

by Anonymous / 07/14/2010 at 2:14am / United States (California) / Work

Today, my girlfriend told me that we should take a break from our relationship, because it'd be best for the both of us. Later, I found out that she really meant it'd be best for her and her new boyfriend. FML

by Depressed / 07/14/2010 at 1:08am / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I've recently gained weight so I bought an exercise video. I started it right away in my room on the top floor. My younger sister screamed and ran outside a few minutes later. She thought it was an earthquake. FML

by sarah / 07/14/2010 at 12:32am / United States / Health

Today, I decided not to go on Facebook so people would actually think that I have a life. FML

by No.Life. / 07/14/2010 at 12:09am / United States (Vermont) / Geek

Today, I accidentally filled the lemonade machine with margarita mix that already had the tequila mixed in. It was served to three kids before anyone figured it out. FML

by magnolia / 07/13/2010 at 10:10pm / United States (Tennessee) / Work

Today, I put the vacuum cleaner hose against my neck to give me a hickey, so that it would look like I got some action. FML

by allalone / 07/13/2010 at 8:33pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend hacked my facebook account and set my status to say that I was in love with my boss. Seeing the post, my boss called me into his office, and told me he loved me too... FML

by Camille / 07/13/2010 at 8:02pm / United States (Maine) / Work

Today, I got a speeding ticket. I wrote a check, and on the way to deposit my fine, I got another one. I put both fines in a box down town, and I turned around to see a cop putting a parking ticket under my wind-shield wiper. FML

by Criminal / 07/13/2010 at 7:15pm / United States (South Dakota) / Transportation

Today, hoping to avoid the rain because I had just gotten an expensive perm, I ducked under an awning. At that moment, the store manager shook the awning, and about 6 hours of rain dumped on my head. FML

by dammitrain / 07/13/2010 at 3:43pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I flew a toy airplane into my face. FML

by E or / 07/13/2010 at 9:41am / United States (Oregon) / Health

Today, my parents were ecstatic about sending me to an amazingly fun camp. I didn't know until I got there that it was a fat camp. FML

by Sally / 07/13/2010 at 5:22am / United States (California) / Health