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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I got into my first car accident. Extremely upset, I called my parents, because it was their car and I didn't know what to do. I told them what happened, and asked if they were on their way to where I was. My dad's response was "Hell no, we're eating dinner." FML

#2422522
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43424) - you deserved it (8149)

On 05/30/2009 at 1:07am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was walking my dog but every time he looked like he was about to "go", he became uninterested with the spot and kept walking. I, following behind, tripped over a bump in the sidewalk and face planted. My dog then finally urinated, all over my aching body. FML

#2422362
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47463) - you deserved it (4109)

On 05/30/2009 at 1:04am - animals - by mraow123 (man) - United States

Today, my grandparents were staying over my house for a couple of nights. As I was walking to my bathroom in the middle of the night, I noticed their door was open, and my grandfather was awake. I tried to say 'Hi' to him, but he didn't hear me. I then noticed that he was masturbating. FML

Today, while the kid I was babysitting was in the bathroom, he called to me "I need some help in here." Worried I ran to the bathroom and asked him what was wrong. He needed me to wipe his butt. As if that weren't gross enough, just as my hand was under his butt, he pooped again and laughed. FML

#2421163
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58563) - you deserved it (5750)

On 05/30/2009 at 12:24am - kids - by sdasdflkjas (woman) - United States

Today, I tried to imitate Mary Poppins by jumping off a shed with an umbrella. I spent the next 3 hours in the emergency room. My leg is broken. FML

#2418263
450 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20909) - you deserved it (220169)

On 05/29/2009 at 11:04pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was in Walmart. I saw a demo for Guitar Hero on the DS so I started playing. I was kicking ass and really feeling great about myself. I then looked away for a second, looked back down, and saw that the notes were still being hit. The demo had been on automatic-player the entire time. FML

#2414317
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17143) - you deserved it (59769)

On 05/29/2009 at 9:10pm - misc - by theskippster - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was sitting under a tree at a park. The dirt felt a little damp, so I assumed it was dew from the night. A homeless man walks over and asks me to move, then starts to pee under the tree, followed by another man. I was sitting in their bathroom. FML

#2413563
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47044) - you deserved it (4067)

On 05/29/2009 at 8:43pm - misc - by Wade (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had to take a serious piss. I started urinating and leaned back slightly on my heels. Somehow I lost my balance and fell backward, hitting my head on the wall behind me and spraying myself and my entire bathroom with my own pee. FML

#2412589
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16744) - you deserved it (41173)

On 05/29/2009 at 8:10pm - misc - by pissingcontest (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was hit by a truck while walking to school. It was the driver's fault as I was in a crosswalk. My parents met me at the hospital where I had minor injuries. They began discussing what the insurance money would be spent on. They decided on a second honeymoon to Las Vegas. FML

#2411169
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54255) - you deserved it (2581)

On 05/29/2009 at 7:21pm - money - by screwed (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was working at a day care center. A 5 year old boy came up to me telling me he wanted to eat my face. Confused, I asked him why. He said, "Because your face looks like pizza." FML

#2406815
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46534) - you deserved it (4687)

On 05/29/2009 at 5:09pm - health - by PiZzA_FaCe (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I saw that Pixar had put out a teaser trailer for Toy Story 3. I got so excited to watch it that had to go lay in bed for a few minutes in order to calm myself down. I'm 19 years old. FML

#2406787
287 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20711) - you deserved it (44905)

On 05/29/2009 at 5:08pm - misc - by LALALALA (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was sitting in my basement watching IT. I heard a knocking at my door and turned the outside lights on to see a clown outside staring in at me. I freaked out and began screaming and jumping around like a Chihuahua on drugs. My friends told me it should be on YouTube within the week. FML

#2405054
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49962) - you deserved it (8232)

On 05/29/2009 at 4:14pm - misc - by dumbo (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I picked up my 4-year-old daughter from day care. As we're driving home, a butterfly lands on the windshield. Just as my daughter comments on how pretty the butterfly is, I turned a corner and accidentally hit the windshield wipers and smeared the pretty butterfly across the windshield. FML

#2405014
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45174) - you deserved it (11138)

On 05/29/2009 at 4:13pm - animals - by reb2632 (woman) - United States (Michigan)



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