Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from United States

Today, while on a run, I thought I'd run into a flock of geese in a field. Doing so, I learned that when you do this alone, the birds don't fly away, they attack. FML

#3485353
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11387) - you deserved it (57971)

On 07/04/2009 at 5:56pm - animals - by SwordFish8 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years who had taken a job in a new city last month came into town and told me that she had slept with a co-worker last Friday. Last Friday I was incredibly lonely but I turned down a very attractive woman because I didn't want to hurt my girlfriend. FML

#3484345
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53899) - you deserved it (5192)

On 07/04/2009 at 5:11pm - love - by BrokenHearted (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, was my wedding. After eating, I had an urge to fart. I let one rip just before my husband and I were called to do the garter dance. He seductively tried to use his teeth to remove the garter and came out from under my dress dry heaving. I dutch ovened my husband in front of everyone. FML

#3484293
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53116) - you deserved it (23660)

On 07/04/2009 at 5:07pm - love - by DutchOven (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having phone sex. It got very wild and soon was interrupted by a knock on my door. My dad had come home early from work, and heard the whole thing. He demanded my boyfriend to come over, and he had a sex talk with him on the couch in front of the whole family. FML

#3483555
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45389) - you deserved it (21155)

On 07/04/2009 at 4:30pm - intimacy - by twintowers (woman) - United States

Today, after spending two days cleaning my car inside and out, I had to pick up my brother when his truck died in the mountains, on a dirt road. He was drunk. I now have a car covered in mud and filled with vomit. FML

#3483352
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34927) - you deserved it (2653)

On 07/04/2009 at 4:21pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my dad woke me up by shaking me and saying "If you're not up in two minutes, I'm lighting a firecracker in your room." Thinking he wouldn't possibly set off a firecracker in the house, much less my room, I decided to call his bluff. My room still smells like gunpowder. FML

#3479922
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19059) - you deserved it (38390)

On 07/04/2009 at 1:31pm - misc - by Singed (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I checked my voicemail. I was really surprised to hear an adorable message from my boyfriend, who was vacationing in Florida. I was even more surprised to hear him having sex with some other girl for the last seven minutes of the message. FML

#3478288
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56898) - you deserved it (2719)

On 07/04/2009 at 11:51am - intimacy - by hangup (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I fell asleep while lifeguarding, thinking I could get away with it due to my sunglasses. When I woke up, I saw my boss waving at me. Apparently she'd been trying to get my attention for five minutes. FML

#3477927
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5756) - you deserved it (62150)

On 07/04/2009 at 11:24am - work - by Sleepy (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got called to a biker bar to break up a fight between my parents. FML

#3477913
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47715) - you deserved it (2174)

On 07/04/2009 at 11:24am - misc - by hot_mess88 (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I woke up finding myself violently humping my pillow. My mom recorded it. FML

#3474895
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62829) - you deserved it (12207)

On 07/04/2009 at 4:58am - intimacy - by R_U_CEREAL (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my boyfriend returned from a 2 month internship in New York. As I saw him exit the plane, I imagined him running to me and kissing/spinning me around passionately like in movies. He got closer and closer, and as I opened my arms to embrace him, he runs past me saying, "BRB, I GOTTA TAKE A SHIT." FML

#3472091
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52194) - you deserved it (9454)

On 07/04/2009 at 2:07am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was coming home from a date, I saw my ex standing in my drive-way. He had dumped me 2 months ago saying he couldn't talk me. To make him jealous, I made out with my new guy before greeting him. Turns out he couldn't talk to me because he had had cancer and had been afraid to tell me. FML

#3469762
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16643) - you deserved it (71105)

On 07/04/2009 at 12:38am - misc - by Foster_Em - United States (Ohio)

Today, my mother texted me while I was at work asking me to pick up a door-stopper on my way home. When I asked her why she explained that she and my dad were trying to make love but the dog kept pushing the door open. What an image. FML

#3469225
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37762) - you deserved it (3164)

On 07/04/2009 at 12:18am - animals - by Grossedouttt - United States (Pennsylvania)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • The Xmas illustrated FML
  • Here we go, final lap before Christmas is finally upon us. Although, you could say we've been subjected to quite a few strains of Christmas already. The decorations are up since mid-August, and certain family…

Friday 19 December 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: