FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was working at Publix ringing up some 70 year old woman. She says "Man, you're a fast cashier, I like my men fast!" and then gives me a wink. I got really nervous and didn't know how to respond, so not thinking, I quickly said, "Yeah, me too." FML

by Patrick / 02/22/2010 at 8:29pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, a guy I'd been seeing off and on for the past three years broke things off over a Facebook message. I replied, and told him that I was at least worth a phone call. He replied "Well, I'm sorry, I disagree." FML

by notworthit / 02/22/2010 at 7:53pm / United States (Oregon) / Love

Today, I found out that the acne under my arms was worse then the severe acne on my face. FML

by baconrash / 02/22/2010 at 4:43pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, we were drawing self-portraits in school. I'm horrible at art, so I turned to the person next to me and stated that mine looked really ugly. He replied saying, "No, it looks exactly like you." FML

by quasimodo / 02/22/2010 at 4:24pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went shopping with my mother, when someone snuck a pack of condoms into our cart while our backs were turned. When we got to the register, my mom, whose wealth makes me ineligible for financial aid, noticed the condoms and she announced that she wasn't paying for the college I got accepted to next year because she doesn't want a promiscuous daughter. FML

by condiments / 02/22/2010 at 4:13pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was woken by my alarm. I got really tangled up in my blankets, and struggled frantically to untangle myself so I could turn off the alarm. I not only kneed myself in the face, but I accidentally punched myself in the nuts too. Hard. FML

by sacked / 02/22/2010 at 2:51pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I sneezed while I was throwing up into the toilet. It turns out that throwing up is even less pleasant when the puke violently shoots out through your nose. FML

by mynoseburns / 02/22/2010 at 2:32pm / United States (Nevada) / Health

Today, my dad screamed at me because I've been "spending too much money". He's been out of a job for 4 months and I've been giving him 300 dollars a month to help pay for bills... and his beer. FML

by Anonymous / 02/22/2010 at 11:38am / United States (South Carolina) / Money

Today, I went on a date with a guy that I have been crushing on for 2 years. At the end of the date he tells me that he is moving away and as his going away present, I could pay for dinner. FML

by Anonymous / 02/22/2010 at 6:28am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I was awakened, in the middle of the night, by the sound of crying coming from outside. There's a mile in between houses where I live. FML

by holycow / 02/22/2010 at 4:28am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML

by depressed / 02/22/2010 at 2:23am / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that my most amazing spring break ever, will be spent stuck on a ship with my ex. It's been almost two years, and he still isn't over me. Yay. This cruise shall be fun. FML

by nomoresbfun / 02/22/2010 at 1:31am / United States (California) / Holidays

Today, my boyfriend was telling me about accidentally punching his best friend in the face. As he was acting it out he ended up punching me and giving me a bloody nose. FML

by Username / 02/22/2010 at 12:44am / United States / Health