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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, the girl I've had a crush on for a year finally said she'd go out with me. On the way over to pick her up, she called me and said she'd couldn't go because she was going out to dinner with her ex-boyfriend to talk things over. She asked if she could use the reservations I had made. FML

#1967473
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39657) - you deserved it (2109)

On 05/15/2009 at 4:44pm - love - by FriendsZone (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was in a bathroom stall peeing. Shortly after, I heard a couple enter the bathroom, both extremely drunk. They then had sex standing up against the stall I was in, blocking my only exit. I had to sit, wait, and listen as both parties finished. FML

#1964368
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35210) - you deserved it (4138)

On 05/15/2009 at 2:49pm - intimacy - by dammitall (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend was sick so I took her 5 year old daughter out to eat. Half-way through our "date" she asks me loudly "Can we go back to the car now and take our clothes off?" Apparently she meant her toy dog's clothes. Face burning, we left a half laughing/half glaring crowd behind. FML

#1962553
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41616) - you deserved it (2649)

On 05/15/2009 at 1:10pm - kids - by BigBadTron (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, a cab driver had to sign me out of the emergency room because I didn't know who else to call. FML

#1962325
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48885) - you deserved it (3790)

On 05/15/2009 at 12:35pm - health - by ccc (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend that I could never marry him because he's a Yankees fan. He told me he could never marry me because he couldn't see himself having a terrible love life for the rest of his life. He was serious. FML

#1961267
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37930) - you deserved it (11438)

On 05/15/2009 at 11:18am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, in my art class we had to paint a nude portrait of a fat, old woman. About halfway through the piece, and while painting her fat rolls, I realized she was the only person other than myself I had ever seen naked. FML

#1961143
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35531) - you deserved it (6681)

On 05/15/2009 at 11:14am - misc - by artclasstrauma (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had a job interview at a local business with the owner who was man, and the manager who was a woman. I thought I did pretty well because I heard the manager whisper so, as I was walking out. Then I heard the owner whisper "no fat chicks." FML

#1958441
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38126) - you deserved it (6114)

On 05/15/2009 at 7:00am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, at work, some little girl went in the bathroom for quite a while. Came out for two minutes and went back in. She then came out with her finger clutched in a paper towel. One of the other coworkers went in to check the bathroom. The little girl wrote "Hi!" with her own poop. FML

#1957441
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37329) - you deserved it (2055)

On 05/15/2009 at 3:20am - work - by RunningMurphy (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I went to the midnight premiere of Angels and Demons. A hobo wandered into the theater and sat down behind me. I paid $10 to spend two and a half hours listening to a crazy man talk to himself and kick my chair while he loudly masturbated. FML

#1957244
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49544) - you deserved it (8474)

On 05/15/2009 at 3:08am - intimacy - by Langdon (woman) - United States

Today, my best friend got a new boyfriend. She asked him what he wanted for his upcoming birthday, and he said he just wanted to hang out with her and watch a movie or two. I thought it was sweet, so I asked my boyfriend what he would like for his upcoming birthday. He said a blow job. FML

#1955875
296 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21989) - you deserved it (40527)

On 05/15/2009 at 1:44am - intimacy - by badboyfriends (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to a store to buy pants for a new job. A really hot guy helped me get a pair down from a high shelf so I could try them on. He had flirted with me so I hurried in the fitting room so I could go talk to him. Note to self: Check to see if you have pants on after trying on clothes. FML

#1953704
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9313) - you deserved it (45944)

On 05/15/2009 at 12:32am - misc - by sweet92 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was smoking a cigarette in my backyard while my parents were out, because I'm not allowed to smoke. While smoking, my parents came home unexpectedly. In a rush, I flicked it over the fence, and it landed in my neighbor's hair. It was still lit. FML

#1952694
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7849) - you deserved it (63202)

On 05/15/2009 at 12:05am - misc - by OuttaNowhere81 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I accepted an internship in Chicago and finished my final exams. I decided to play some pick up basketball one last time before summer. Within 2 minutes I got undercut going for a rebound and shattered my knee cap into 3 pieces. My summer in Chicago will be spent in a full leg cast. FML

#1952667
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36055) - you deserved it (3461)

On 05/15/2009 at 12:05am - health - by FourKnees (man) - United States (Wisconsin)



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