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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I called over my math teacher to ask a question. I have a really bad cold. I asked him about a problem and he reached over my desk to point at the diagram and explain it. Then I suddenly had to sneeze and I got tons of snot all over his hand and arm. FML

#2664358
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43107) - you deserved it (9156)

On 06/06/2009 at 4:16pm - health - by lft (woman) - United States (California)

Today, when petting my friend's dog, I acted like I was going to make out with him. While I wasn't looking the dog stuck his entire tongue in my mouth. FML

#2663554
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9818) - you deserved it (76909)

On 06/06/2009 at 3:44pm - health - by thedogkisser (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend went to the aquarium. We were noticing the fishy smell, and I had made a comment about it. Then my boyfriend slowly, and seductively whispers into my ear, "It sort of reminds me of how you smell." FML

#2660481
287 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55716) - you deserved it (12324)

On 06/06/2009 at 1:38pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was babysitting a little boy. I opened up a new bottle of bubbles and it was all goopy and gross so I said "Eww!". The boy then asks, "What's "ew" mean?". I replied with, "Something gross and yucky". Then he pointed at my face and say "Ew! Ew! Ewwww!". FML

#2658966
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50424) - you deserved it (8087)

On 06/06/2009 at 12:23pm - kids - by EwFace (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I discovered my boyfriend of 5 months runs a website where men can submit nude or semi nude pictures of their ex's for revenge. FML

#2658374
299 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62779) - you deserved it (4988)

On 06/06/2009 at 12:01pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I discovered an enormous hairy spider sitting in the bathtub. I also discovered that I scream like a girl and pee a little bit when I am truly terrified. FML

#2656270
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43984) - you deserved it (11345)

On 06/06/2009 at 10:03am - animals - by imfromtexas02 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I got a computer. When I opened it, I found out that my dad had made himself the administrator. He made it so everything shut off after 11 o'clock, and made it so I couldn't download anything without his password. FML

#2655831
370 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60250) - you deserved it (6819)

On 06/06/2009 at 9:17am - misc - by graduate - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I bought my cat a nice big bag of expensive anti-hairball catfood, so she'd stop puking hairballs on my things. After eating it, she started running around wildly, howling and projectile vomiting on EVERYTHING. FML

#2655825
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44712) - you deserved it (6393)

On 06/06/2009 at 9:17am - animals - by Jay (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I called my friend in Australia to have a nice long chat, what I did not know was that my dad had removed my international calling plan, I talked to my friend for 5 hours, and ran up a huge phone bill, which I have to take out of the money I saved up to go see her. FML

#2655501
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45781) - you deserved it (7483)

On 06/06/2009 at 8:41am - money - by tommy (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was at Target trying on swimsuits. I tried on a medium bottom and was so excited because it fit perfectly even though I've gained a few pounds. My self-esteem was at an all-time high until my mom told me I could never fit into a medium. I rechecked the tag. It was an extra large. FML

#2652874
341 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50282) - you deserved it (20757)

On 06/06/2009 at 2:48am - health - by XLhottie (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, we got my brother a pet hamster because he has trouble making friends. We thought a hamster would be a good way to teach him about caring for others. I walked into the room and the hamster was hanging from the ceiling. Turns out there's a reason my brother doesn't have friends. FML

#2651635
476 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70524) - you deserved it (4833)

On 06/06/2009 at 1:51am - animals - by hamsterlovinn (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was driving behind a UPS truck. All of a sudden his back door opens up exposing some boxes ready to fall out. Like a good driver I speed up to drive beside him to tell him. He thought I was trying to cut him off so he accelerated. A box flies out and dents my windshield. FML

#2650637
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43999) - you deserved it (4966)

On 06/06/2009 at 1:10am - animals - by Anon (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was walking on a path through a park by myself. I glanced at the ground and saw a shadow behind me. Thinking of an attacker, I screamed as loud as I could and began flailing my arms to ward him off. Turns out, it was a jogger. He had to stop due to his uncontrollable laughter. FML

#2649932
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11725) - you deserved it (49505)

On 06/06/2009 at 12:43am - misc - by paranoid (woman) - United States (Georgia)



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