FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I got a rose from my boyfriend. The card read "it's over". FML

by blacklove / 02/12/2010 at 3:19pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, my mom picked me up from school due to me being sick. Afterwards, she took a detour to the DMV, and I waited in the car. I ended up vomiting everywhere, clothes included, and had to sit in the car for three hours while the taste and smells lingered. FML

by justmyluck / 02/12/2010 at 2:34pm / United States / Health

Today, someone thought it would be funny to switch the signs on the bathroom doors. Fortunately, I knew which was the men's and went on in. The startled old woman inside, however, did not. FML

by Anonymous / 02/12/2010 at 2:30pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, it's my sixteenth birthday and my mom promised me she'd buy me a car. She came home with a toy lego car. FML

by RaceCar / 02/12/2010 at 2:24pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized I can never live with my fiancée. A childhood of systematic teasing, abuse, and humiliation has made me terrified to use a bathroom around a guy if there's the slightest chance I can be heard, seen, or even have anyone know what I'm up to. Therapy has yet to fix anything. FML

by silentsuzie / 02/12/2010 at 10:23am / United States (Rhode Island) / Love

Today, the day of my 29th birthday and two weeks after our 10th wedding anniversary, the only thing my husband got me for my birthday was divorce papers. Happy birthday, bitch. FML

by Jeri / 02/12/2010 at 3:41am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I walked across my kitchen to go get my mom a blanket after she shoveled snow. I slipped and caught the kitchen chair with my side, landed on the floor and almost fracturing my knee cap. She then told me she wasn't cold. FML

by a / 02/12/2010 at 1:20am / United States (Maryland) / Health

Today, my doctor put me on some extra strength antibiotics for an infection. On the label it says "WARNING: may cause Diarrhea"... 'may cause' is a funny term... this is the second time I've sharted in my pants today. FML

by NotSoSick / 02/12/2010 at 12:11am / United States (Michigan) / Health

Today, I found out the guy I've been dating is heavily into a mystical card game and spends all of his money going to "Magic" card conventions across the country. FML

by anonymous / 02/12/2010 at 12:03am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, we had our second snow day in a row, something that never happens. So while the rest of school got to sleep late, I had to wake up early, get dressed, and go to my bus stop because my mom didn't believe me. FML

by goestoschoolonsnowdays / 02/12/2010 at 12:02am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a conference for work. When I got there I sat beside a woman about my age. She immediately got up and moved to the opposite side of the room. We were the only two there. FML

by Female / 02/11/2010 at 10:32pm / United States / Work

Today, I bundled up to shovel my car out of almost 2 feet of snow, only to find my car was gone. I ran into the nearby police station to report my stolen car. The policeman trudged down with me to get a report. I had parked my car on the other side of the street. FML

by snowbunny / 02/11/2010 at 9:14pm / United States (New Jersey) / Transportation

Today, I stepped on the scale because I'm trying to maintain a good weight. The scale read that I had lost 6 pounds. Feeling really good about myself, I stepped off the scale only to see that the corner of the scale was sitting on the rug, making the scale mess up and tell me the wrong weight. FML

by unknown002 / 02/11/2010 at 8:25pm / United States (Kansas) / Health