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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was reading a book lying in my bed. I looked outside my window not to see the beautiful weather, but to see my creepy 70 year old neighbor staring at me with giant binaculars, then winks at me. I babysit his grandchildren this weekend, at his house. FML

#2959400
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38873) - you deserved it (2130)

On 06/17/2009 at 12:56am - misc - by Siehidbkdnd (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I had a coffee date. The guy was waiting with coffee to meet me on the patio. I walked up to him, caught my favorite pendant necklace on the table, broke the necklace trying to get it free, and rattled the table so intensely that the guy's coffee spilled all over him. FML

#2959523
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32521) - you deserved it (6616)

On 06/17/2009 at 12:52am - misc - by vintage_vogue (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my mom had one too many and announced to all of my friends that, if she had the opportunity, she would bang Gwen Stefani. FML

#2959113
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50615) - you deserved it (4173)

On 06/17/2009 at 12:25am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was flying home to Milwaukee after a weekend in South Carolina. When I got to the airport, my reservation didn't match up with any flights. Turns out Expedia booked me on a flight that doen't exist. I spent ten hours waiting in the airport for a two hour flight. FML

#2958799
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36662) - you deserved it (2678)

On 06/17/2009 at 12:02am - misc - by lojo (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was working as a service writer in an auto service shop. A really cute girl came in to buy a headlight, I offered to install the bulb for her. My hand got stuck behind the headlight, she had to ask one of our mechanics to come remove the air box from her car to get my hand out. FML

#2958719
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23778) - you deserved it (9295)

On 06/16/2009 at 11:42pm - work - by stuck (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my girlfriend sent me a naked picture of herself and I wish she hadn't. FML

#2955411
330 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29480) - you deserved it (73241)

On 06/16/2009 at 9:44pm - intimacy - by MisterSeth (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I asked out this girl I've been spending a lot of time with lately. She told me she was only hanging out with me because she thought I was gay and wouldn't try to get in her pants. FML

#2953608
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42506) - you deserved it (4280)

On 06/16/2009 at 8:59pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)

Today, while on my daily jog, I passed a very attractive girl. While passing her, she yelled "hey cutie". Trying to look cool, I tried turning around without stopping. I then fell off the curb and severely sprained my ankle. She caught up to help but was laughing the entire time. FML

#2949089
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11726) - you deserved it (35542)

On 06/16/2009 at 6:58pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I let my on-again, off-again boyfriend spend the night. For months we had been fighting about his new flame. After he convinced me that they are no longer an item, we had the most mind-blowing sex then we fell asleep. I awoke to him moaning her name. Followed by pelvic thrusts. FML

#2940444
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22924) - you deserved it (49606)

On 06/16/2009 at 1:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, I picked up my 17 years old daughter after a late night movie in down town and got pulled over by a cop. He questioned us for a solicitation. I told the cop that she was my daughter but he said "so you are the daddy" and laughed. Good to know that my daughter looks like a ho and I a perv. FML

#2940204
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60838) - you deserved it (5803)

On 06/16/2009 at 1:22pm - intimacy - by enderw (man) - United States

Today, it was my high school graduation. Because our school colors were red, black and white, and our principal looked somewhat like Hitler, the senior class prank was to salute him when he finished his speech. I was the only one. FML

#2938815
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45581) - you deserved it (32145)

On 06/16/2009 at 12:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)



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