FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my boyfriend was talking with his friends about how long girls take to get ready (hair, make-up, etc.). I said, "I never spend a long time getting ready..." He then looked at me and said, "maybe you should." FML

by ILoveFML / 08/29/2010 at 10:14am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, my grandmother died. No one called me to let me know she passed. I found out because people kept writing RIP on her Facebook wall. My siblings and I weren't even mentioned in her obituary with the other grandchildren, but they did remember to mention her dog. FML

by katta2009 / 08/29/2010 at 7:29am / United States (New Jersey) / Animals

Today, I learned to never shave your downstairs when you have the hiccups. FML

by yggiz / 08/29/2010 at 1:02am / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, I wanted to go clubbing with my friends. I started drinking at home to save on the price of drinks, instead I fell asleep on my couch. FML

by constantine / 08/29/2010 at 12:47am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, the girl I like sent me a Facebook message telling me how the message I left on her phone was one of the funniest drunk dials she's ever gotten. I'm debating whether or not I should tell her that I don't drink. FML

by 713 / 08/28/2010 at 9:36pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, at work, I was reprimanded for not engaging with customers enough. In an effort to be more friendly, I complimented the next customer on her interesting accent. Turns out it was from a stroke she had last year. FML

by Flippy / 08/28/2010 at 8:05pm / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, I found out that my entire school differentiates me from another girl in my grade with the same name by saying "No, she's the lesbian one." I'm straight. FML

by Anonymous / 08/28/2010 at 7:40pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was watching TV when a Dentyne gum commercial came on and stated that the average person spends more than 20,000 minutes kissing. I've spent less than three. FML

by doesntkissalot / 08/28/2010 at 12:19pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I went over to my boyfriend's house to break up with him. After I left his house, I realized that my cell phone had fallen out of my pocket and onto his couch, where I had forgotten it. FML

by averagepromedio / 08/28/2010 at 4:41am / United States (Colorado) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, was my uncle's funeral. He was cremated, and his wish was to have his ashes spread into the sea. As we were waiting for the waves to come and take him away, a group of seagulls came by picking at all his ashes. I guess he tasted good. FML

by SeagullsShouldDie / 08/28/2010 at 2:07am / United States / Animals

Today, I was in the car going to a concert with my family. I was listening to my iPod, when the wheel broke and I couldn't change the song. So for the rest of the trip, I was stuck either listening to my parents arguing, or Don't Worry, Be Happy by Bobby McFerrin on repeat. FML

by dontworrybehappy / 08/28/2010 at 2:07am / United States (Ohio) / Transportation

Today, my boyfriend told me that he gets the same amount of entertainment out of tickling me and having sex with me, and he likes the tickling noises better. FML

by JessykaB / 08/28/2010 at 1:49am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I was taking care of a friend's hamster. Thinking the hamster wanted to make a bed, I put some cotton balls in his cage so he would be comfy. He promptly ate them and died. FML

by Kelli / 08/28/2010 at 12:56am / United States (California) / Animals