FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I finally met the guy I've been talking to online for a year. I'd dropped 10lbs off my weight. He'd shaved 20 years off his age. FML

by keisha89 / 06/21/2010 at 8:27pm / United States / Love

Today, I went into the store where my boyfriend works. I saw him talking to a customer, his back was facing me, so I went up and smacked his butt. Turns out it wasn't him. FML

by pizzafreak18 / 06/21/2010 at 10:21am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, my boyfriend moved. I found out when I went over to surprise him with take-out food and he was pulling out of the driveway. He flipped me off as he drove past. FML

by Anony Mous / 06/20/2010 at 7:37pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, I was at work as a musician, sitting on a piano bench. Suddenly I found myself at eye-level with the piano, dumped on the floor by the broken bench, with my legs splayed out. I felt like I picked the wrong day to wear a skirt to work - but the audience members all disagreed. FML

by Anonymous / 06/20/2010 at 3:21am / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, my future father-in-law, a respectable New England gentleman, bought me an $8,000 viola and bow for our engagement. I was so surprised that I spit a glass of wine from a 60 year old bottle all over his custom-tailored suit. He was not happy. FML

by Mr.Viola / 06/20/2010 at 2:42am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally got my first kiss. I was so excited, I pissed myself. FML

by PissyPants / 06/20/2010 at 1:12am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I wasn't feeling too well and consequently threw up. In an effort to get some sympathy, I told my mom about what happened. Rather than trying to make me feel better, she yelled at me because I threw up in the bathroom sink "when the damn toilet is two feet away." Thanks mom. FML

by LoveYouTooMa / 06/20/2010 at 12:11am / United States (New York) / Health

Today, a close friend pointed out to me how ironic it is that I make the Sim version of myself work out to lose weight, while I sit on my fat ass playing video games. FML

by Grace / 06/19/2010 at 8:40pm / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, I spent a long time steam-cleaning a mystery stain on my living room carpet. I turned the light on to get a better look at it, and realized that it was a shadow. FML

by kebaby / 06/19/2010 at 7:19pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, is the first weekend I have off this summer. Instead of letting me see my friends, my dad printed out a practice SAT exam. I've already taken the SAT. He just "doesn't want me to get rusty". FML

by Classicmen / 06/19/2010 at 2:53pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was on an airplane and had to go to the bathroom. The guy next to me was asleep and blocking the aisle. I tapped him on the shoulder, and he responded by punching me in the stomach. FML

by anonymous / 06/18/2010 at 1:25pm / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, I was with my girlfriend and thought it would be cool to rip off my shirt while we were making out. It wasn't. Her bed was under a bookshelf and my shirt didn't even come off. I busted my head while she busted up laughing. FML

by gimmeabreak0_o / 06/18/2010 at 3:18am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my math teacher told me to learn how to say "welcome to wal-mart". FML

by Stevo / 06/18/2010 at 3:13am / United States (Washington) / Work