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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my phone died. I plugged it in to charge and then went out to run some errands. When I returned, my phone was no where to be found, and our shovel was on the floor, muddy and wet. I then discovered my 6-year old son had buried my "dead" 200$ palmpilot because he had felt sorry for me. FML

#3030718
288 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43705) - you deserved it (6212)

On 06/19/2009 at 1:57pm - kids - by no_service (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my mom thought it would be a good idea to see what websites I go on from my computer while I wasn't home. She clicked the link that gave my computer a virus that I just got rid of a few days ago. FML

#3030585
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42077) - you deserved it (4890)

On 06/19/2009 at 1:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, a little girl standing next to me on the train suddenly hugged me. I thought maybe she was sad or I reminded her of someone, and hugged her back. Then she smiled, squeezed my lovehandles, and said "Honk, honk!" FML

#3030449
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38834) - you deserved it (6146)

On 06/19/2009 at 1:48pm - kids - by squeezable (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up extremely hungover. I couldn't find my car keys so I went out to my car to see if I had locked them inside. I walked back to the door of my apartment barefoot and empty handed, only to find that I had locked myself out of the apartment. FML

#3030130
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9575) - you deserved it (39860)

On 06/19/2009 at 1:34pm - misc - by crap (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I took my dog for a walk. It became friendly with another dog, and I reached down to pet them both. Suddenly, an old woman runs up to me and whacks me with her cane repeatedly. Apparently, her previous dog had been kidnapped by a woman who looked a lot like me. FML

#3029108
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41219) - you deserved it (2358)

On 06/19/2009 at 12:53pm - animals - by anon - United States (Washington)

Today, I was walking to work and saw three guys sitting at a table outside. One of the guys looks at me and says to his friends, "That's the girl that works at the grocery store. She replaced the hot chick." The other two guys glared at me. FML

#3028813
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41707) - you deserved it (3110)

On 06/19/2009 at 12:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my boss came over to my desk and struck up a casual conversation about movies. After a while, he sat on the edge of my desk, nodded toward my chest, and said in the same casual, lighthearted tone, "And nice cleavage today. Keep that up." FML

#3028643
374 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53310) - you deserved it (12553)

On 06/19/2009 at 12:32pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was finally going to fall asleep at a decent hour. Having insomnia, I generally get about 2 hours of sleep. Right as I'm about to fall asleep, 5 firetrucks decide to drive right in front of my house with the sirens/lights on. FML

#3021035
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42160) - you deserved it (4240)

On 06/19/2009 at 2:41am - misc - by insomniac (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went through the drive through at Dunkin Donuts and asked for an iced coffee. After no response I start frantically screaming about bad service. After a while, the woman comes out to my car and says, "Please pull up to the speaker." I yelled at a garbage bin for 5 minutes. FML

#3019033
274 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11618) - you deserved it (110870)

On 06/19/2009 at 1:26am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, the weather was nice so I decided to eat outside. I quickly found out that my new, expensive hair conditioner attracts bees. Lots of bees. FML

#3017474
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41681) - you deserved it (6189)

On 06/19/2009 at 12:32am - health - by Stung (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went outside a friend's house to find that my car had been saran wrapped. I cleaned it up and went back inside the house. An hour later, I heard a doorbell ring so I went outside the house. They saran wrapped my car again. FML

#3017259
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41529) - you deserved it (5321)

On 06/19/2009 at 12:25am - misc - by bear92 - United States (Virginia)

Today, as a frog biologist I was out in the field searching for a relatively rare frog species. After three hours I finally heard the frog call and I crept closer and closer to the sound until... squish... I stepped on the very frog I was trying to collect. They're endangered. FML

#3017224
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50988) - you deserved it (17905)

On 06/19/2009 at 12:23am - misc - by oops... (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was using the bathroom in a department store. When I was finished, I couldn't get the stall door open. I am claustrophobic and I freaked out and and started shouting for help. A 6 year old boy got the door open for me. It turns out I was pushing when I should have been pulling. FML

#3011337
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8853) - you deserved it (46585)

On 06/18/2009 at 9:33pm - misc - by ToiletTony (man) - United States (South Carolina)



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