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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I had a wet dream. The problem was that I was dreaming about watching porn. I can't even get laid in my dreams. FML

#5851325
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21740) - you deserved it (3779)

On 10/16/2009 at 1:27pm - intimacy - by damnit (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I went outside to enjoy the cool air without my glasses. I saw my neighbor doing the same, so I waved and said hi. When she didn't respond, I yelled and went back inside. It was only later when I went back out with my glasses on that I realized I was being ignored by a Halloween decoration. FML

#5849448
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8302) - you deserved it (29003)

On 10/16/2009 at 9:39am - misc - by Phazzer (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I learned that my car alarm only goes off if the car is unlocked a bit forcibly. Doesn't make a sound when some prick breaks the window out in the middle of the night to steal my cd player. FML

#5848483
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27692) - you deserved it (1907)

On 10/16/2009 at 5:23am - misc - by Hardsleeper - United States (Texas)

Today, I took a box of Halloween decorations down from the attic. Inside, were a bunch of fake spiders. I emptied the box onto the floor and the "fake" spiders crawled all over the living room in opposite directions. FML

#5848381
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38367) - you deserved it (4829)

On 10/16/2009 at 4:44am - animals - by Halloweenie (man) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a funny prank to put duct tape on my eyes while I was sleeping so that when I woke up, I would be blind. I have no more eyelashes. FML

#5848296
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38185) - you deserved it (2624)

On 10/16/2009 at 4:20am - misc - by xXx (man) - United States (California)

Today, I took my parking permit off my car to debate a ticket that I got for not having my permit displayed. Twenty minutes later, when I got back to my car, I had another ticket on my window for not having my parking permit displayed because I was using it to disprove the first ticket. FML

#5847972
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28210) - you deserved it (7482)

On 10/16/2009 at 2:21am - misc - by Unlucky. (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went out to start my car to go to work. When it wouldn't start, I popped the hood to see what was wrong. Some kind individual took advantage of the fact that my window doesn't roll up, and stole my battery. FML

#5847643
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23903) - you deserved it (5944)

On 10/16/2009 at 12:47am - misc - by rugernut13 (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my fiancé told my mom that she screwed me up. I now have to write an apologetic e-mail to her for something that I agree with, in order for her to stop calling me crying. FML

#5847291
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20974) - you deserved it (3271)

On 10/15/2009 at 11:36pm - misc - by sighoutloud (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my father got married. He left me a voicemail to tell me all about it. FML

#5845825
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29317) - you deserved it (1852)

On 10/15/2009 at 7:23pm - misc - by rejectedson (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I realized that choosing to live in the honors dorms was a terrible mistake. Quiet hours start at 6 PM and the only exception is if you are a member of the university marching band, which means you can practice your instrument at anytime in the lounge... located next to my room. FML

#5845760
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28987) - you deserved it (4303)

On 10/15/2009 at 7:17pm - misc - by Matt (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my younger sister's dog broke its leg. The vets are closed today so instead of going on a date with a girl I have been trying to get for at least 2 years, I need to carry an 80 lb. dog that hates me, up and down the stairs. I already got bit twice. FML

#5844999
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27420) - you deserved it (3013)

On 10/15/2009 at 6:14pm - animals - by Noname (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I let my mother use my computer for school work. Later that day my mom asks me what's wrong with the computer. I look at it, only seeing a "Welcome to Windows XP" screen. She said that she saw a blue screen and pressed L and C when it asked her to. My mom managed to clear my hard drive. FML

#5843241
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31622) - you deserved it (3242)

On 10/15/2009 at 3:42pm - misc - by artiemilano (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was playing FarmTown and got into a fight with a 14 year old boy. I threatened him with physical violence, and he reported me. I'm 23 years old and got banned from a virtual farming game for threatening children. FML

#5841852
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7586) - you deserved it (57600)

On 10/15/2009 at 1:04pm - kids - by hatelittleboys (woman) - United States (Colorado)



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