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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I told my dad I couldn't make the trip to see him this weekend because I had to work. I surprised him by driving ten hours, and while he was out, I let myself in with my key and hid behind the couch for when he came in. He walked in. I jumped out. I then had to call 911. FML

#3109528
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36186) - you deserved it (18525)

On 06/22/2009 at 1:27am - misc - by FathersDay (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend called me and I told him about the AnimeCon I'm attending, and that I wanted to go as Sailor Mars, he told me he had no idea what that was. After being mad for about ten minutes, I realized that I wanted to break up with him over not knowing what Sailor Moon was. FML

#3108036
506 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10198) - you deserved it (77163)

On 06/22/2009 at 12:35am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was walking around the park with my wife. Out of nowhere, a little girl on a bicycle slammed in to me, knocking me to the ground. As I rolled over, sure that my ankle was broken, her father ran over to me. He screamed, "Watch where you're going, douchebag!" FML

#3107443
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59230) - you deserved it (2804)

On 06/22/2009 at 12:11am - kids - by Al (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I spent an hour writing 80 thank you cards to everyone who attended my graduationg party. After carefully personalizing each one and sealing them shut, I realized I did not mark the envelopes with names. FML

#3107410
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15816) - you deserved it (42556)

On 06/22/2009 at 12:10am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my brother came down to my house, bringing his untrained puppies with him. As we were eating dinner, I dropped part of my sandwich in a liquid that was on the tablecloth. Thinking it was water, I ate it. As I chewed, I realized the liquid wasn't water. My sandwich was dipped in dog urine. FML

#3107259
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37332) - you deserved it (17626)

On 06/22/2009 at 12:04am - animals - by ihatedogs (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went out to dinner with my brother. There was a very attractive man sitting a few tables away who kept glancing at me. When my brother excused himself to the bathroom, the man worked up the courage to come over and introduce himself to me. He asked me if my brother was single. FML

#3104897
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60599) - you deserved it (4551)

On 06/21/2009 at 10:45pm - intimacy - by Kat (woman) - United States

Today, I was down at Disney World. Me and my buddy decided to take our pictures in a photobooth. While in the tiny space, I thought it'd be funny to flash the camera. A women barged in as soon as I did so, screaming "You know there's an outside video feed, right!?" FML

#3102076
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9874) - you deserved it (58787)

On 06/21/2009 at 9:15pm - misc - by TheFlash (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was delivering pizzas for my summer job. I got a big order to deliver for a fellow graduate's party. While I was being paid for the order my friend shows up and says "Don't pay him, his parents are rich, he can handle it." Then they shut the door and took off. The bill was $75. FML

#3100953
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49809) - you deserved it (3273)

On 06/21/2009 at 8:37pm - work - by blahpizzablah (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was talking to my only grandson about how I was going to the dentist to get my teeth fixed and how it was going to cost a lot of money, he replied saying "Who cares, you're going to die soon anyways". FML

#3096413
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61328) - you deserved it (3510)

On 06/21/2009 at 5:46pm - health - by oldtimerclark - United States (Georgia)

Today, I spent 4 hours carefully cleaning the inside and outside of my car. Fairly proud of the job I had done, I parked my car safely in my garage. Later, I opened my garage to find bird shit all over my car. Apparently birds get nervous when they get trapped in garages. FML

#3096278
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37217) - you deserved it (4841)

On 06/21/2009 at 5:41pm - animals - by FML (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went shopping at a thrift store. I found a really cute top that fit me perfectly, so I bought it. Afterwards, I noticed the original tag was still on it. It read: "designed with your pregnancy in mind". It was a maternity top. FML

#3096016
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38570) - you deserved it (13648)

On 06/21/2009 at 5:26pm - misc - by liz (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I recieved a phone call from a cruise line I had travelled on with my parents a year ago. After being told I had won a free $2,000 cruise from a sweepstakes I had entered while on the cruise. After celebrating loudly they informed me that you have to be 23 or older to collect it. I'm 17. FML

#3095885
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39912) - you deserved it (5548)

On 06/21/2009 at 5:21pm - misc - by Lucky (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was in the grocery store getting bananas and there was this real hot guy next to me. He said hey beautiful so I smiled. He then asked if I was free on friday night. I smiled and said "yes why do you ask?" He looked up from the bananas and pointed to the bluetooth in his ear. FML

#3093736
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52712) - you deserved it (14809)

On 06/21/2009 at 3:50pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)



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