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FMLs submitted from United States

Taday We Had Bingo . Three Rounds Into It A Group Behind Me Started To Yell, ( BINGO, BINGO! ) . I Looked Around And Saw No One Was Coming To Verify That They Had A Bingo, So I Turned Around And Said ( Stand Up . ) The Girl Was A Midget, She Was Standing Up . FML

#4838689
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34850) - you deserved it (13429)

On 08/26/2009 at 4:05pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I accidentally ran mah thumb down the cheese graterhile preparing lunch beside mah wife!! I instantly jerked mah hand looool away from the grater just in time run mah forearm across the knife she was using!! I now have 20 stitches and 5 staples in mah arm, no lunch, and a puking wife!! FML

#4837442
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47830) - you deserved it (4114)

On 08/26/2009 at 2:55pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

TODAY, WHILE AT AN AMUSEMENT PARK HUSBAND LEFT ME TO WALK WITH ALL OF OUR FRIENDS CUZ HE SAID THAT I MOVED TOO SLOW. I'M PREGNANT. FML

my 5-year-old daughter saw a pad commercial. She asked me wat they were, but I didn't think she was old enough to hear it. I just told her that there like diaper 4 mommies. Now she won't stop telling people that mommy wears diapers. FML

#4833431
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14491) - you deserved it (42132)

On 08/26/2009 at 10:17am - misc - by diapermommy (woman) - United States

Today, I Thought It Would Have Been Funny To Cut Off Mah Friend's Rat-tail. He Thought It Would Be Funny To Puttd A Brick Through Mah Windshield. Mega FML

#4832941
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15010) - you deserved it (108793)

On 08/26/2009 at 9:34am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I Found Out That The Horrific Smell Coming From Somewhere In My Kitchen Was A Rotting Dead Mouse In My Dishwasher!! I Have Been Eating Off Plates Washd In Dead-mouse Water 4 The Past Week!! FML

#4830976
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53100) - you deserved it (10062)

On 08/26/2009 at 4:44am - misc - by hantavirus (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Yesterday, I found out wy my 20 year-old grlfriend broke up wit me. Se was building everyting se did to matc er favorite TV sow. Te main caracter left er boyfriend in te exact way se left me. And te breakup email se sent me containd monologue from te TV sow, word fir word. fat FML

#4829994
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65391) - you deserved it (4527)

On 08/26/2009 at 3:09am - love - by micahmatt (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I discovered a bunch of email from my old account that weren't forwarded to my new one. Because of this, I missed a job offer and all the email from my long distance boyfriend asking if he could visit. I still don't have a job and I broke up with him cuz he ( failed to communicate. ) FML

#4829137
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17911) - you deserved it (46937)

On 08/26/2009 at 2:18am - misc - by technologyfail (woman) - United States (California)

yesterday I was at te bar and my friend and I were making fun of tis guy wearing a Affliction muscle tee and bedazzld Ed Hardy at. We were saying ow e was te epitome of a douce bag and tat e probably likes UFC. Turns out e's an MMA figter and I now ave a broken nose. FML

#4827023
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9345) - you deserved it (61969)

On 08/26/2009 at 12:40am - misc - by brokennose (man) - United States (Texas)

2day I went to a concert. Knowing these concerts usually include a lot of black lights, I decided to wear a black T-shirt so I wouldn't glow. I was having a good time, but about halfway through I noticed someone pointing to mah shoulder. I looked down to see mah dandruff glowing. FML

#4826832
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33057) - you deserved it (16356)

On 08/26/2009 at 12:29am - misc - by Raaar (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was walking with mah husband, holding hands,hen a man with a rainbow shirt on came up to us . He said, "I'm so glad that gay men can go out in public without being embarassed nowdays!" He patted me on the back and walked away . I'm a woman . mega FML

#4823053
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48646) - you deserved it (5947)

On 08/25/2009 at 10:16pm - misc - by offendedfemme (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today I had mah first raal data with mah first sarious boyfriand . I was looool narvous cuz from past axparianca . I laarnd mah lips wara a bit ticklish an I usually giggld a bit during kissing . Wall wa startd making out an I thought was I doing pratty good hiding mah laughs . Until I wat mysalf . FML

#4819197
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46574) - you deserved it (9874)

On 08/25/2009 at 7:56pm - love - by RitaDahhlinnnng (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today... I trid to surprise my parents on their frst day back from New York with candles I made. I usd actual lavender flecks from our garden fir the scent in the candles. My plan workd until the lavender caught on fre which then spread to all of our mail and newspapers. Welcome home. FML

#4815295
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29315) - you deserved it (10174)

On 08/25/2009 at 5:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)



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