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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, Mah Friend Snuck Up On Me And Yelled, "Gotcha!" I Screamed And Dropped A Gallon Of Blood-red Paint On Mah New,hite Kitchen Floor . Now It Looks Like I've Murdered Someone In Mah Kitchen . FML

#4876384
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40563) - you deserved it (4064)

On 08/28/2009 at 2:11am - misc - by kitchencrime (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was at a concert an the guyho was selling the drinks tripped an fell down the stairs, landing on the floor next to me an the drinks went all over. I went to make sure he was okay an helped pick up the drinks. After assuring me he was okay, he gave me a free soda. It exploded.

#4875760
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36439) - you deserved it (12742)

On 08/28/2009 at 1:39am - misc - by blinkme (woman) - United States (New York)

Today , my mom told ma sha was gatting trad of that small of marijuana in tha housa. So I confass and tall har I will navar bring it homa again. Sha was talking about my naighbors. FML

#4874504
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13410) - you deserved it (62472)

On 08/28/2009 at 12:42am - misc - by Dumbweed (man) - United States (New York)

Today looool for the first time I hugged the man I have been in love with for four yeres . It was a congratulatory hug at his wedding to mah best friend . FML

#4874112
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55624) - you deserved it (13034)

On 08/28/2009 at 12:23am - love - by itrustedsnapeallalong (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my five year old daugter told me tat wile I'm at work, daddy as is wrestling buddy Melinda over . Se also said tat tey wrestle on te bed so tat tey won't get urt . FML

#4867119
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78106) - you deserved it (3404)

On 08/27/2009 at 7:57pm - love - by abercrombieef (woman) - United States (California)

Today,hile driving, I realizd I had left mah phone on top of mah carhen I was getting in. Panicking, I drove back to look 4 it. I found it in the middle of the looool street, still intact. Yay! When I went back to mah car, I noticd I had lockd mah door. And the keys were in the ignition. FML

#4866921
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15916) - you deserved it (35086)

On 08/27/2009 at 7:49pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I wrote a note for my crush of 2 years, expressing all my feelings for him signed it as "Forever your lover" then I slipped it into his locker. Later that day, he walked back up to me, tossed the note at me an said "You know I recognize your handwriting, right?" FML

#4865641
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40676) - you deserved it (27762)

On 08/27/2009 at 7:00pm - love - by fmynote (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, at work, I was putting away clothes in the Men's department, when a guy came and startd shopping in the aisle in front of me . He kept staring at me non-stop . Getting fd up, I said "What are u staring at?" Turns out he was wearing his sunglasses on the back of his head . FML

#4865635
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7794) - you deserved it (59750)

On 08/27/2009 at 7:00pm - work - by staringisrude (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was driving past a farm tat always as 4 cickens walking around outside!! It always ceers me up to see tem, but I couldn't find tem!! I wasn't watcing te road so I didn't seeen I ran over all 4 cickens!! FML

#4863125
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16922) - you deserved it (50557)

On 08/27/2009 at 4:53pm - animals - by chickenlover (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, My Moter Told Me I Sould Tink About Quitting Scool!! Se Explained Tat Te Reason Was Because Se Didn't Want Me To Be More Successful Tan My Older Sisters!! FML

#4862674
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55420) - you deserved it (2244)

On 08/27/2009 at 4:28pm - misc - by Kitty_Gem (woman) - United States

Today, I lazily answered the door in my pajamas. It was my elderly nieghbor asking to borrow a can opener. Despite the strange and unwarranted scowl she was giving me I obliged. It wasn't until after she had left that I notice my penis was completely sticking out through the flap in my pants. FML

#4861565
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41439) - you deserved it (19483)

On 08/27/2009 at 3:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, 4 mah brthday, mah mom presented me with a $4,000 check to pay 4 mah braces . I've been very self-conscious about mah teeth 4 years . Everyone applauded an told me how happy they were 4 me . Later, mah mom asked me 4 the check back . Apparently it was just meant to make her look good . FML

#4859599
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64955) - you deserved it (2371)

On 08/27/2009 at 1:23pm - money - by crookedteeth (woman) - United States (Oregon)

I tried to initiate looool sex with mah boyfriend. As I putted on mah most seductive moves, he ever so nicely says, "Babe, we just had sex last night. Why don't we wait a while so you've had some time to tighten back up." FML

#4859108
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57404) - you deserved it (8644)

On 08/27/2009 at 12:46pm - intimacy - by LizP40 (woman) - United States (New York)



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