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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I volunteered for a school play. During rehearsal, I was playing the part of an average housewife. The teacher asked for a volunteer to be my husband. Thirty seconds go by and no one raises their hand. The teacher ended up playing the part because no else wanted to. FML

#2589688
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16033) - you deserved it (2036)

On 06/04/2009 at 1:33am - love - by xXitslolaXX - United States (California)

Today, I went to the bar I go to every week. My favorite bartender told me I owed $50 for a tab because the waiter screwed up and undercharged me. The tab was from when my friends bought me drinks to cheer me up because my girlfriend moved away. I ended up paying for my own drinks plus theirs. FML

#2588654
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46039) - you deserved it (2921)

On 06/04/2009 at 12:52am - money - by doubledown (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, I got a parking ticket. I put the ticket in my bag and accidentally left the bag in my friends car. When I returned, the car window was smashed, my bag was gone. I had to call the police department and ask them to send me a new ticket, on top of the $1000 or so I'd already lost. FML

#2587369
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41262) - you deserved it (5315)

On 06/04/2009 at 12:14am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was working at my retail job. A customer stopped me on my way to break saying "someone" had broken a snow globe. She showed me where it was and I cleaned it up with her circling me. I finished and put the cleaning supplies away when I heard a 'crash' as the same woman dropped another snow globe. FML

#2582009
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46730) - you deserved it (2050)

On 06/03/2009 at 9:35pm - misc - by kilo1_13 - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, on my airplane ride home, the woman next to me wasn't feeling too well. She pulled out the air sickness bag to throw up into and missed. Her vomit splattered all over the seat in front of her and all over me. We were both covered in puke. And that was only my first of two flights. FML

#2578690
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44885) - you deserved it (1827)

On 06/03/2009 at 8:12pm - health - by stutson (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my sister asked me to help her set up for my niece's birthday party. Being the lazy person that I am, I got my niece to blow up the non-helium balloons. Apparently she's allergic to latex and I'll be the one paying for the hospital bill. FML

#2573344
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13025) - you deserved it (53188)

On 06/03/2009 at 5:48pm - misc - by ivyleaguebabe (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, while taking a drug test for a volunteer job, I found out that I have a "shy bladder". It took me ages to pee into a cup. I was congratulated and clapped for by complete strangers when I finally left for taking a piss. FML

#2569917
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39643) - you deserved it (3925)

On 06/03/2009 at 4:06pm - work - by peeepeee. - United States (Ohio)

Today, I allowed my five-year old daughter to paint my fingernails during a living-room "picnic" we were having. A while later I got called back in to work for an emergency meeting. When I arrived at the meeting I noticed my fingernails were still neon-green. I am a 40-year old man. FML

#2565972
281 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46245) - you deserved it (15331)

On 06/03/2009 at 1:40pm - kids - by psychortiz (man) - United States (California)

Today, I came home from work when I heard people in my apartment. My apartment was supposed to be empty, so I entered ready to fight some thieves. I rushed in and hit the closest person to me before the lights switched on. It was a surprise party. I broke my girlfriend's cheek-bone. FML

#2562332
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49510) - you deserved it (18248)

On 06/03/2009 at 10:15am - misc - by Kyokushin (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was working and some woman wanted to pay with a credit card. It already had a picture on the card so you don't have to ask for i.d., and just glancing at it I asked, "Oh, is this your husband's card?" She then replied, "No, that's just me with glasses and short hair." FML

#2558770
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16116) - you deserved it (42015)

On 06/03/2009 at 2:50am - work - by em (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I hooked up with a girl from the bar. We went back to my place and started making out, I took off her shirt and bra and started kissing her breasts. I felt her chest hair tickle my tongue. FML

#2557919
303 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59097) - you deserved it (25325)

On 06/03/2009 at 2:06am - intimacy - by galen (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, at my graduation for my high school GED, my parents said they were getting all my family and my girlfriend together. So we all went out to a steakhouse down the road, everyone ordered steaks. Turns out the 'surprise' was me paying. I only got 50$ grad money, and the bill was 159.98. FML

#2557245
325 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54130) - you deserved it (4446)

On 06/03/2009 at 1:40am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)



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