FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I found out my husband put a parental block on the TV so I couldn't rent a movie. I'm 42. FML

by mylifeblows / 08/19/2010 at 2:15am / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He also decided the best way to end our relationship was to kill me and our virtual child on The Sims 3 by setting us on fire. FML

by Single / 08/19/2010 at 1:26am / United States (California) / Love

Today, while casually sitting at a bar, a drunk biker with no teeth leaned over and tried to kiss me. I'm a sailor in the Navy, but I think I screamed like a little girl. FML

by dentallycorrect / 08/19/2010 at 1:16am / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, my Mom felt the need to walk around school and tell everyone to be nice to me because I just started my period. FML

by Jordid / 08/19/2010 at 12:12am / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

Today, one of my cousins offered to sell me his mac for a low price. When I got it, I realized it was an old toshiba painted white with an apple sticker on it. My cousin still insists it's a mac. FML

by roflcopter / 08/18/2010 at 8:53pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was invited to a party, but I didn't attend because my boyfriend would be disappointed with me. Instead, I spent the night with him watching movies. At the end of the night, he broke up with me because I wasn't fun enough. FML

by Funless / 08/18/2010 at 12:52pm / United States (Iowa) / Love

Today, my new $100 electronic cigarette came in the mail. I was so excited to try it out, I used it on the drive to work. The people who sold it to me weren't kidding when they said it looked and felt real. I threw it out the window when I was done. FML

by Anonymous / 08/18/2010 at 12:12pm / United States (Ohio) / Money

Today, I was alone in the car with my grandma for five hours while she told me all about the multiple bladder infections she's had in the past year. FML

by Anonymous / 08/18/2010 at 2:58am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I put on my new sexy lingerie to get my husband in the mood after work. When I walked into the kitchen where he was reading the newspaper, he eyed me and simply said, "Honey, please, your stomach is the biggest turnoff ever." FML

by ...thanks honey / 08/18/2010 at 2:23am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I discovered that my name literally means "burden". This wouldn't be so bad if both my mother and father knew this when they named me. FML

by Anon / 08/18/2010 at 12:30am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a water park, and the fee to get in was $39.95. Once I got in I was really thirsty, so I got a soda and then I hear over the intercom that the park is closing due to a clog in the cleaning system. I paid 43.67 for a soda. FML

by Still Dry / 08/17/2010 at 10:01pm / United States / Money

Today, I discovered a bat in my new apartment. I found him in my shoe... with my foot. FML

by Bruce / 08/17/2010 at 1:09pm / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was on my third date with this really cute girl. After a very romantic evening, I decided to go for the first kiss, but because of my nervous reflex in which I get bloody noses, I ended up bleeding all over her face. FML

by Anonymous / 08/17/2010 at 3:10am / United States (Utah) / Love