FMLs submitted from United States

Today, it appears that my upstairs neighbour has decided to learn how to play the trombone. FML

by Anonymous / 02/23/2010 at 10:45am / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went over to my girlfriend's parents house for dinner. This was the first time I was meeting them, so I bought a $70 bottle of red wine to try and impress them. I tried to be smooth while popping the cork. I did, but the bottle slipped and red wine poured onto their white carpet. FML

by medik / 02/23/2010 at 7:51am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was working the night shift at the hotel I'm employed at. After checking in a young couple to the room above the main office, I was forced to listen to them having it off for most of the night, serving a very loud reminder that I've been single for five years. FML

by Cromwel620 / 02/23/2010 at 6:52am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was walking around my new school trying to figure out where to go. Then I realized I was talking to myself. Out loud. FML

by itsawonderfulife / 02/23/2010 at 1:25am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, someone gave me a note to pass along to a girl in class. The note had the girl's name surrounded by hearts. When I gave it to her, she assumed it was a love note from me, and said "Not in a million years, fat ass" before I could say it was from someone else. FML

by Crappyfayman / 02/22/2010 at 9:46pm / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, I was working at Publix ringing up some 70 year old woman. She says "Man, you're a fast cashier, I like my men fast!" and then gives me a wink. I got really nervous and didn't know how to respond, so not thinking, I quickly said, "Yeah, me too." FML

by Patrick / 02/22/2010 at 8:29pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, a guy I'd been seeing off and on for the past three years broke things off over a Facebook message. I replied, and told him that I was at least worth a phone call. He replied "Well, I'm sorry, I disagree." FML

by notworthit / 02/22/2010 at 7:53pm / United States (Oregon) / Love

Today, I found out that the acne under my arms was worse then the severe acne on my face. FML

by baconrash / 02/22/2010 at 4:43pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, we were drawing self-portraits in school. I'm horrible at art, so I turned to the person next to me and stated that mine looked really ugly. He replied saying, "No, it looks exactly like you." FML

by quasimodo / 02/22/2010 at 4:24pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went shopping with my mother, when someone snuck a pack of condoms into our cart while our backs were turned. When we got to the register, my mom, whose wealth makes me ineligible for financial aid, noticed the condoms and she announced that she wasn't paying for the college I got accepted to next year because she doesn't want a promiscuous daughter. FML

by condiments / 02/22/2010 at 4:13pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was woken by my alarm. I got really tangled up in my blankets, and struggled frantically to untangle myself so I could turn off the alarm. I not only kneed myself in the face, but I accidentally punched myself in the nuts too. Hard. FML

by sacked / 02/22/2010 at 2:51pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I sneezed while I was throwing up into the toilet. It turns out that throwing up is even less pleasant when the puke violently shoots out through your nose. FML

by mynoseburns / 02/22/2010 at 2:32pm / United States (Nevada) / Health

Today, my dad screamed at me because I've been "spending too much money". He's been out of a job for 4 months and I've been giving him 300 dollars a month to help pay for bills... and his beer. FML

by Anonymous / 02/22/2010 at 11:38am / United States (South Carolina) / Money