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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I witnessed a homeless man fall off of his bike and land face first onto the pavement. Bleeding and shivering in the 40 degree weather, I gave him the coat off of my back. He got up like nothing happened and sprinted away with it. Oh yeah, my wallet was in the inside pocket. FML

#6005073
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22670) - you deserved it (30407)

On 10/26/2009 at 10:43am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was in minding my own business in bed in my dorm room. It was dark and my roommate came over, intending to slap my ass really hard. The problem is, I was lying face up. FML

#6002537
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32147) - you deserved it (2516)

On 10/26/2009 at 2:32am - misc - by Jack - United States (Missouri)

Today, my husband's daughter told us that she's 5 months pregnant. I'm going to be a step grandmother and I'm only 23 years old. FML

#6001127
261 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20214) - you deserved it (44728)

On 10/26/2009 at 12:27am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I saw an article that Burger King is selling a whopper with seven patties in celebration of the Windows Seven release. Upon reading this, I immediately got an extremely forceful erection. I think this is a sign to stop putting off that diet. FML

#6001058
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15588) - you deserved it (9002)

On 10/26/2009 at 12:25am - intimacy - by Brian (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my long-distance girlfriend asked me if she could see someone else on the side. FML

#6001023
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31884) - you deserved it (6376)

On 10/26/2009 at 12:24am - love - by cheezeits (woman) - United States (California)

Today, there was an earthquake. Good news: the only damage was a tree fell on some losers car. Bad news: that loser was me. FML

#5999708
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30908) - you deserved it (2794)

On 10/25/2009 at 11:14pm - misc - by Jo (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my sister got married. For the second time. She's 30. Two men have loved her enough to cry over their vows to her. Every single person there asked me why I wasn't married yet. FML

#5998946
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31236) - you deserved it (2909)

On 10/25/2009 at 10:27pm - love - by joyful-not (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was at ATandT getting my phone fixed. At one point, the salesman said 'you should see this'. It was a text message from some girl apologizing for sleeping with my boyfriend for the past four months, and telling me that they were moving him out of our apartment. FML

#5998375
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34641) - you deserved it (1991)

On 10/25/2009 at 10:00pm - love - by LTJFP (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I searched myself on Facebook. I have a fan page made by some girl in Wisconsin. She has pictures of me on it. Can you say stalker? FML

#5996462
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34473) - you deserved it (4427)

On 10/25/2009 at 8:21pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, a girl I've liked for several years gave me her number. Finally, I worked up the courage to call her. It was a suicide help line. FML

#5993337
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44608) - you deserved it (3586)

On 10/25/2009 at 4:48pm - love - by Kin (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend of over a year broke up with me. Completely crushed, I spent an hour gathering up everything he ever gave me. Then he calls back to say how stupid he was and how he wanted me back. I was ecstatic. An hour later he figured out he was okay with his first decision. FML

#5992149
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41282) - you deserved it (4300)

On 10/25/2009 at 3:19pm - love - by rollercoaster (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was cooking. I leaned over the stove to preheat the oven, and burned my nipple on a pot of boiling water. I also have a teething son who is breastfeeding. FML

#5991629
262 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37732) - you deserved it (9956)

On 10/25/2009 at 2:42pm - misc - by roadbikemama (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while at the store, my fly became undone. It doesn't seem that bad unless an old lady comes to "zip it up for you." FML

#5991495
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31070) - you deserved it (3662)

On 10/25/2009 at 2:28pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alaska)



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