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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was working and some woman wanted to pay with a credit card. It already had a picture on the card so you don't have to ask for i.d., and just glancing at it I asked, "Oh, is this your husband's card?" She then replied, "No, that's just me with glasses and short hair." FML

#2558770
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16107) - you deserved it (41993)

On 06/03/2009 at 2:50am - work - by em (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I hooked up with a girl from the bar. We went back to my place and started making out, I took off her shirt and bra and started kissing her breasts. I felt her chest hair tickle my tongue. FML

#2557919
303 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59060) - you deserved it (25314)

On 06/03/2009 at 2:06am - intimacy - by galen (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, at my graduation for my high school GED, my parents said they were getting all my family and my girlfriend together. So we all went out to a steakhouse down the road, everyone ordered steaks. Turns out the 'surprise' was me paying. I only got 50$ grad money, and the bill was 159.98. FML

#2557245
325 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54087) - you deserved it (4446)

On 06/03/2009 at 1:40am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I meant to express to my friends that I was enamored with a young saleswoman I had encountered at a store. I wanted to tell them that she was quite petite and that I am, in general, attracted to petite women. Instead I said "You know? I like little girls." FML

#2556869
275 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18108) - you deserved it (55547)

On 06/03/2009 at 1:23am - love - by boinger (man) - United States (California)

Today, it was my high school graduation. I brought my camera to capture these last memories, only to discover that the batteries were dead. When I got home and went to change them, I realized they were not dead, they were just put in the wrong way. FML

#2556811
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12888) - you deserved it (50501)

On 06/03/2009 at 1:22am - misc - by keifer13 (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I put my 3 year old down for her regular nap. About an hour later I wake up from a dream where I was smelling something awful. When I woke up, the smell was still there, so I tracked it down. My daughter had decided to "fingerpaint" with the contents of a dirty diaper. FML

Today, my mom told me I was worthless and could not do anything by myself. Determined to prove her wrong I attempted to install the AC that I had neglected to put in for the past month. While placing it on the window it fell through landing on her prized roses and breaking into pieces. FML

#2556121
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38052) - you deserved it (14486)

On 06/03/2009 at 12:55am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was riding on my bike when a guy on the street shouted, "I LOVE YOU!" at me. I recently told my boyfriend I loved him, and his response was, "I don't love you but I won't treat you any differently." Perverts on the street love me, but my boyfriend doesn't. FML

#2555277
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48248) - you deserved it (4888)

On 06/03/2009 at 12:34am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was babysitting my baby cousin. I was lying on my back playing with her, while holding her up in the air. As I was doing that, I made cooing noises and funny faces to get her to laugh. She laughed and threw up in my mouth. FML

#2551130
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41469) - you deserved it (8987)

On 06/02/2009 at 10:08pm - kids - by babybreath (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was working my job as a waitress near my college. I handed a customer her check, and she noticed that I had added her bill wrong. I apologized, and she pointed to my "student" labeled nametag, asking what I was studying. I said English. I'm a math major. FML

#2543138
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12071) - you deserved it (41914)

On 06/02/2009 at 7:13pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Delaware)

Today, I was on the phone with my best guy friend, who I have loved for years. I was talking about school and all of a sudden he said "I love you." I flipped out saying "Oh my god, oh my god. I love you, too!" He responded with "what?" He was talking to his mom, who was walking out the door. FML

#2537729
404 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62328) - you deserved it (15794)

On 06/02/2009 at 4:51pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went to the pool. When I hit the water the top of my swimsuit came off so I tried to put it on underwater. The lifeguard thought I was drowning and pulled me out in front of everyone. Topless. FML

#2534485
390 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61256) - you deserved it (5564)

On 06/02/2009 at 3:10pm - misc - by Higgs (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunder storm. I thought she was one of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML

#2532710
1162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82059) - you deserved it (217655)

On 06/02/2009 at 2:03pm - animals - by fmlfmlfml (woman) - United States (California)



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