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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was walking my new dog and saw this girl that I've had a crush on for months. When I approached her, I tried to look 'macho' with my dog. However my dog thought it would be more attractive to pee on my leg. FML

#2741665
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39455) - you deserved it (9454)

On 06/09/2009 at 1:09pm - animals - by chris (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I had a food allergy test done because of an ugly acne upswing. And after over a year of vegetarianism, I find out that I'm allergic to soy. FML

#2741589
349 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42591) - you deserved it (19962)

On 06/09/2009 at 1:07pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I walked into the bathroom and found my sister cleaning her vibrator. With my toothbrush. FML

#2740699
362 comments

I agree, your life sucks (115981) - you deserved it (7153)

On 06/09/2009 at 12:18pm - intimacy - by quadropheniac (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my husband and I decided to get a little frisky in bed. After we were done we lay spent on our bed then only to hear weird noises coming from our doorway. To our surprise not only had our daughter taken her first steps but has been watching and now making the noises as well. FML

Today, my father's company shut down his branch, leaving him without a job. This is followed by a letter from my school's financial aid office, saying I'm not getting a penny because my family's income level is too high. FML

#2737644
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54040) - you deserved it (2645)

On 06/09/2009 at 8:16am - money - by dammit (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my mom walks into my room, with a serious look on her face asks me "When a man is getting it from behind, the man on top orgasms, but what happens to the man on bottom? Do you think he takes care of himself or what?" Hand motions were included. FML

#2736001
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78364) - you deserved it (5083)

On 06/09/2009 at 4:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a guy from my school came into my work. I knew him but forgot his name. I didn't want to be rude and ask for his name when he probably expected me to know it. So, thinking I was clever, I said "How do you spell your name again?". His name was Rob. FML

#2734791
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13294) - you deserved it (50310)

On 06/09/2009 at 2:44am - misc - by purrtygirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was playing paintball when I noticed a 9 year old fat kid sitting and crying on the ground. Thinking he'd fallen and was hurt, I walked over to him. He looks up and shoots me in the face, arm, stomach, and happy sacks area from 4 feet away then runs off. He was not hurt at all, and now everything tastes like paint. FML

#2734001
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44889) - you deserved it (7904)

On 06/09/2009 at 2:04am - misc - by Woody - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I asked a girl out and made plans to go see a movie. About 5 minutes in, I made a move to put my arm around her and smashed her in the face. FML

#2733266
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18350) - you deserved it (42453)

On 06/09/2009 at 1:45am - love - by Ryan746 (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I had a date with this really cute guy. He invited me over to make dinner at his place. Eventually we end up in his bedroom to have sex. He pulls down my panties and says, "You need to shave that shit." FML

#2734034
460 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51197) - you deserved it (64475)

On 06/09/2009 at 1:27am - intimacy - by lagirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was playing piano for a wedding rehearsal. Bored, I decided to pass the time playing through a book of music I found in the piano bench. Some time later the bride turns to me and screams at me to stop. I had turned the page and had begun to play "Let's call the whole thing off." FML

#2730448
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10271) - you deserved it (45986)

On 06/08/2009 at 8:14pm - work - by Chipper (man) - United States (California)

Today, it was my two-and-a-half year anniversary with my girlfriend, a small but noble occasion. She surprised me with an invention of hers, a plate of triple-chocolate double-mint cookies topped with Andes mints. I surprised her by crashing her new Mustang into a cement divider. FML

#2724554
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16315) - you deserved it (45590)

On 06/08/2009 at 5:11pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had a meeting at work with my board of directors for a potential promotion. When one of them told a joke, I politely let out an amused snort. Then, I noticed my director's white shirt and tie covered in red splatter. I nose bled all over the director of my company. FML

#2720820
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48162) - you deserved it (4176)

On 06/08/2009 at 2:51pm - work - by Marie (woman) - United States (Arizona)



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