FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was running late for work and realized I forgot to pay a bill. I turned on my computer to pay the bill and brushed my teeth while it set up. I had a mouth full of mouthwash and decided to pay the bill before I spit. Then, I sneezed mouthwash all over my laptop keyboard and screen. FML

by atleastmybreathisfresh / 02/28/2010 at 12:19am / United States (Ohio) / Geek

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my hamster went missing. I walked down the stairs into my basement, to find my hamster's head on the stairs, and its body in my cat's mouth. FML

Today, feeling down and dejected because of the shitty weather and none of my friends or family wanting to spend time with me to feel loved I took my favorite stuffed animal and that says 'I love you' when you squeeze it. I squeezed it. Nothing happened. Even an inanimate object rejected me. FML

by dejected / 02/27/2010 at 8:32pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, at my volleyball tournament I was extremely pumped to start playing so I went to take my sweats off and everybody began to stare at me then I looked down to come to realize I had no spandex on, just a thong. FML

by volleyballgirl / 02/27/2010 at 8:11pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I am expected to write an 8 page essay, due tonight. The reason why I don't even have one page yet? My mom decided to take away the only computer I have the essay saved on because I have an 'F' in English. The essay is for English. FML

by atmac95 / 02/27/2010 at 4:28pm / United States (South Carolina) / Health

Today, I got sent out of the class for "inappropriate" behaviour. The teacher later forgot about me and sent a notice home to my parents stating that I skipped class. FML

by shnigel / 02/27/2010 at 3:04pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous

Today, I brought my best friend to my uncle's birthday party. We were having a great time until my grandmother walked up to us and said to me, "You sure have a nice looking boyfriend." My friend is a girl. She has cancer and lost all of her hair due to chemotherapy. FML

by hairplease / 02/27/2010 at 2:03pm / United States (New Jersey) / Health

Today, my boss told me that if I didn't become his neighbor on Farmville I wouldn't have a job. I laughed. He didn't. FML

by Anon / 02/27/2010 at 11:07am / United States / Work

Today, my boyfriend and I were asleep. Evidently, he was dreaming about being a UFC fighter, because, out of no where, he grabs the back of my head and punches me in the nose. I haven't been able to breathe right out of my nose all day. FML

by anonymous / 02/27/2010 at 11:06am / United States / Love

Today, I found out that my dad recently created a Facebook account for himself. So I friended him. He refuses to accept my friend request. He did, however, accept my sister's. FML

by msmusiclover7 / 02/27/2010 at 10:58am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, the soon-to-be father of my baby told me he thinks I'm an extremly selfish person, and that I do not love him. His reasoning? I haven't given him a backrub in 2 weeks, sleep too much and have a hormonal problem. Once again, I AM PREGNANT! FML

by ksztte / 02/27/2010 at 8:17am / United States (Tennessee) / Health

Today, I found out I can sneak out of my house... but not back in. FML

by Anonymous / 02/27/2010 at 7:17am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was babysitting to make a few extra dollars. While changing one of the kid's diapers, I turned around to find the other kid gone. I turned back around frantically, only to get poop flung at my face. I guess I found him. FML

by Anonymous / 02/27/2010 at 1:36am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous