FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my friends and I were hanging out when we thought it would be cool to set off a few fireworks. Nothing burns quite like the hair on the left side of your head. FML

by Anonymous / 06/25/2010 at 12:12pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, was the third day of my camping trip with my "friends". I woke up in my boxers with my hand glued to my forehead. FML

by Anonymous / 06/25/2010 at 5:36am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, after several hours of trying to get my triplet daughters to go to bed, they finally fell asleep. Exhausted, I went to the bathroom so I could go to bed. Not thinking about it, I dropped the toilet seat down rather loudly and flushed the toilet. All three girls woke up crying. FML

by sigh... / 06/25/2010 at 2:44am / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, I went to boxing and this hot chick asked me if I was wearing a sports cup. I replied yes, when I wasn't. I thought she was going to check with her hand and feel. She checked with her knee. FML

by Gbeat411 / 06/25/2010 at 1:09am / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I was walking around in the mall when I dropped my purse. When I bent down to pick it up, some guy came up behind me, humped my ass, then ran away laughing. FML

by WorstLifeEver / 06/24/2010 at 8:45pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I was eating chips with my father. After I finished eating a chip I felt something between my teeth, It was pubic hair. I soon realized my dad was scratching his testicles while eating chips. FML

by Anonymous / 06/24/2010 at 8:14pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy

Today, I was twenty minutes into babysitting my twin baby cousins when I realized that there are no diapers to be found anywhere in the house. I have no way to get a hold of my aunt, no money to buy new diapers, and I don't even have a way to get to the store in the first place. The next few hours are going to be lovely. FML

by babysitter / 06/24/2010 at 5:38pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids

Today, I won an academic award during an assembly. Everyone laughed, followed by booing. FML

by Colbasaur / 06/24/2010 at 10:29am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I went running. My girlfriend was so surprised at the fact that I'm exercising that she accused me of making it up so I could cheat on her. I'm just trying to get in shape. FML

by anonymous / 06/24/2010 at 1:09am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, a 75 year old lady drove into me. Her excuse was, "I wasn't looking." Awesome. FML

by hurricane0331 / 06/23/2010 at 9:51pm / United States (Texas) / Transportation

Today, my parents made me a steak dinner to celebrate me visiting home from college. I've been a vegetarian for eleven years. This is the third time they've done this. FML

by cjkelly1 / 06/23/2010 at 7:27pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, it was the girl of my dreams' birthday. She already knows I am totally in love with her. So for her birthday I decided to buy her a $60 dollar bottle of rum for her and her friends to have fun with. She picked it up from my house with her new boyfriend waiting in the car. FML

by Anonymous / 06/23/2010 at 7:06pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, in math class, I had the urge to fart. I had the bright idea that if I dropped my textbook and farted at the same time, nobody would hear it. I dropped my textbook, everyone looked at me, then I farted. Loudly. FML

by fartwoman / 06/22/2010 at 9:41pm / United States (California) / Health