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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my dog got so excited about a new toy that she vomited all over it. I had to clean up the vomit, throw away the toy, and now have a very sad dog. FML

#21265865
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34492) - you deserved it (3754)

On 09/26/2014 at 3:44pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I heard my boyfriend talking with my father in the backyard. I thought he was asking for my hand in marriage. He was actually telling him about his plans to break up with me. FML

#21265851
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35741) - you deserved it (3308)

On 09/26/2014 at 3:13pm - love - by ihateguys (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went on a blind date that my friend set up. He greeted me with a winning smile, a belch, and the words, "Nice tits." I'm beginning to lose hope. FML

#21265612
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34150) - you deserved it (3211)

On 09/26/2014 at 2:56am - love - by bri_sci94 - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, marks yet again another day that I've been asked if I'm autistic. No, that's just my Korean accent. Apparently I look "too white" to have one. FML

#21265402
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31023) - you deserved it (2258)

On 09/25/2014 at 9:15pm - misc - by notautistic - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I have such severe ADD that I can't focus without my medication. When I take the medication, I can only focus on one thing, but not necessarily the thing I need to be focusing on. I have a chem test soon, and I've been vacuuming my room for the past 4 hours. FML

#21265203
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (561) - you deserved it (3999)

On 09/25/2014 at 3:32pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, as I was opening the door for my boyfriend, I pressed my boobs against the glass to make him laugh. I didn't see his dad standing just behind him at first, but he certainly saw me. FML

#21265100
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30682) - you deserved it (9296)

On 09/25/2014 at 11:52am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, we had a meeting at my job and we had to introduce new ideas to our boss. Earlier, I was talking to one of my close friends who also attended the meeting about my idea. As we start the meeting, she decides to steal my idea and take complete credit for it. My boss loves "her" idea. FML

#21265023
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36474) - you deserved it (5814)

On 09/25/2014 at 8:18am - work - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, my mother is so overdramatic that her response to finding out I lost a friend's book was that I should fake my own death rather than fess up. FML

#21265006
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30216) - you deserved it (2766)

On 09/25/2014 at 7:19am - misc - by hylianprincess (woman) - United States

Today, I was told by my doctor I should start eating meat again after two years of vegetarianism, in an effort to be healthier. After horrid gas after my first turkey sandwich, I was told that my body no longer has the enzymes to digest meat. My efforts to be healthy crippled my stomach. FML

#21264930
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28397) - you deserved it (14012)

On 09/25/2014 at 2:21am - health - by skollasch - United States (California)

Today, I have learned a lot of "big" words from reading so much, but can actually only pronounce about half of them correctly. FML

#21264917
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25689) - you deserved it (5786)

On 09/25/2014 at 1:48am - misc - by anon (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, while working as a teacher at a daycare, a two year-old girl decided the best way to share that she had pooped was to reach in her diaper and attempt to hand some to me. FML

#21264874
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30219) - you deserved it (2768)

On 09/25/2014 at 12:03am - kids - by disgusted - United States (Maine)

Today, my mom threw away a bag of tiny parts belonging to a $1,700 robot. Naturally, I figured this out at midnight and had to spend 30 minutes digging through three nasty trashcans overflowing with rotten food and spiders. The bag was dripping with what looked like cheese by the time I found it. FML

Today, I went to use the porta potty at the construction site I work at and found two homeless people having sex in it. I almost got fired, because my advisor blamed me. FML

#21264426
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (252) - you deserved it (2668)

On 09/24/2014 at 9:58am - work - by Anonymous - United States



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