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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, as I was on the couch taking a nap, it started violently shaking. I panicked and chased my family outside, convinced it was an earthquake. It was just the cat trapped inside the couch. FML

Today, I was finally given a parking spot at work. It turns out to be between an expensive sports car that never parks straight and a giant truck too big for its space. FML

#21215497
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40949) - you deserved it (2769)

On 07/20/2014 at 7:57pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house, intending to break up with him. Instead, I was greeted by his whole family throwing me a surprise party. I had to sit and listen to his whole family talk about what a great couple we are and how we're going to last forever. FML

#21215195
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52692) - you deserved it (8135)

On 07/20/2014 at 1:59pm - love - by I Feel Horrible - United States (California)

Today, I had to check up on a 400-pound inmate who was very upset about being locked up. When I got to his cell, he threw one of his own turds at me through the bars. I took a hit. FML

#21214798
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48131) - you deserved it (3771)

On 07/20/2014 at 1:23am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while doing some spring cleaning, I found the remains of my goldfish, which I was sure my cat ate last year. FML

#21214465
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37265) - you deserved it (5586)

On 07/19/2014 at 7:39pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was browsing the People of Walmart site, chuckling at all the weirdos on there, when I came across a picture of my mom. FML

#21214404
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50328) - you deserved it (6777)

On 07/19/2014 at 6:38pm - misc - by Death By Parent (woman) - United States

Today, I was at the local grocery store. I've had really bad gas lately, and I accidentally let one go while standing in line. The woman behind me thought it was her kid, and smacked him for farting in public. FML

#21214127
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29611) - you deserved it (37882)

On 07/19/2014 at 1:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at a party, and someone called the cops on us. I dove into a bush that turned out to have thorns. I got multiple cuts and a sprained wrist, and got arrested anyway. Its kind of hard to hide from the police when you're screaming in agony. FML

#21213929
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38254) - you deserved it (24263)

On 07/19/2014 at 7:35am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, my mother compared having me as a daughter to having a deadly kind of cancer. FML

#21213727
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44408) - you deserved it (4863)

On 07/19/2014 at 1:53am - misc - by wtf? - United States (Nevada)

Today, the guy I've been seeing for a year and a half ended it. Why? He found another girl. "She's just like you." FML

#21213656
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48282) - you deserved it (3500)

On 07/19/2014 at 12:43am - love - by anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my 3-year-old daughter asked me to carry her from the car to the house. I asked her for 3 kisses and a hug in return. She said she'd rather walk instead. FML

#21213512
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44463) - you deserved it (6037)

On 07/18/2014 at 10:56pm - kids - by kids say the darnedest things - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was stuck in heavy traffic. Bored, I looked to my left and noticed someone who seemed to be asleep at the wheel. After staring for a bit, wondering how people can be so negligent, I ended up hitting the car in front of me. FML

Today, I was using a public restroom. After about a minute of me being in there, a little girl came in and started pounding on the door, screaming that she had to go. My pregnancy hormones are so bad that I almost burst into tears. FML

#21213357
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35097) - you deserved it (16404)

On 07/18/2014 at 9:04pm - misc - by LissaMccracken (woman) - United States (Arkansas)



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