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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I woke up and texted my girlfriend, "Good morning" like I do everyday. She responded with, "I'm dating somebody else". FML

Today, I went on a date with a guy that I really like. At the last minute he informed me a friend would be tagging along. To keep his friend from being a third-wheel, I kept up a conversation, and managed to piss my date off. He thought I would be a better match for his friend. FML

#21440701
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23876) - you deserved it (2839)

On 07/12/2015 at 10:03pm - love - by newmoongirl1036 - United States (Illinois)

Today, while walking home with my girlfriend we decided to take a shortcut in the woods. After hearing a huge noise, she pushed me and ran. FML

#21440556
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23045) - you deserved it (2425)

On 07/12/2015 at 3:56pm - love - by sheWontbeOnMyZombieApocteam - United States (Texas)

Today, I took away my 8-year-old daughter's toy for throwing it too many times. She then said, "I need a beer." FML

#21440427
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21818) - you deserved it (4890)

On 07/12/2015 at 10:25am - kids - by brichard22 (man) - United States (California)

Today, my grandpa accidentally posted a nude photo of himself on Facebook. I will never be able to unsee that. FML

#21440426
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27313) - you deserved it (1990)

On 07/12/2015 at 10:21am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, a customer berated me and told me to stop whining because I have to work on the weekend. What did I do to deserve this? I said, "Hi, how are you doing today?" FML

#21440412
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23553) - you deserved it (1603)

On 07/12/2015 at 9:11am - work - by retail hell (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my girlfriend heard a great quote about not letting anyone drag her down. She took it to mean, "break up with your boyfriend." FML

Today, my mother talked shit about me to the cat while I was in the room. FML

#21440033
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24645) - you deserved it (2484)

On 07/11/2015 at 1:20pm - misc - by whymomwhy (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my dog brought me a a dead rabbit. It so happened to be the rabbit a group of neighborhood kids were looking for after they lost it yesterday. I just had to hide a body for my dog. FML

Today, I got a nose piercing. I was asleep at the time in my backyard, and the piercer was a snake. FML

Today, I found a picture of myself on the "People of Walmart" site. FML

#21439858
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28954) - you deserved it (16271)

On 07/11/2015 at 1:03am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my psycho ex girlfriend got up in my face after I dumped her. She said I'm going to pay and that one day, when I think I'm safe and happy, my joy will turn to ash in my mouth. When I pointed out she'd just ripped off a Game of Thrones quote, she kneed me in the balls. FML

#21439786
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25355) - you deserved it (3449)

On 07/10/2015 at 10:42pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while at my shitty, minimum wage job at McDonalds, a guy walked out of the bathroom. He said "Good luck in there." worriedly, then left. I don't know if it was his handiwork, but it looked like a shit grenade had detonated. It was even on the walls. FML

#21439774
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26668) - you deserved it (1823)

On 07/10/2015 at 10:20pm - work - by don't get paid enough for this (man) - United States (Ohio)



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