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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my day began with a "Good morning, beautiful." and ended with a "Maybe someone would love you if you were pretty." FML

#21368646
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32480) - you deserved it (2331)

On 03/05/2015 at 12:36pm - love - by cheshirealyce (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, a coworker told my manager that I and another girl were plotting to get her fired at the end of the month. She actually believed her. Now we're suspended without pay for two weeks for conspiracy. FML

#21368636
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3) - you deserved it (2084)

On 03/05/2015 at 12:10pm - work - by Completely Innocent - United States

Today, my teacher reached over to hand me a paper. I thought it would be funny to flinch and say, "Dad, please don't hit me". Unfortunately, he didn't think it was a joke, so I got questioned by the on-campus officer. FML

#21368562
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14306) - you deserved it (42588)

On 03/05/2015 at 9:32am - misc - by jlol - United States

Today, my boss threatened to fire me if I didn't stop looking at my phone while working. I work in the back room, and there is no clock in there. I look at my phone to check the time. That way I know how long I have left in that hellhole. FML

#21368483
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4) - you deserved it (5869)

On 03/05/2015 at 4:19am - work - by lion2294 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had my first concert and was really anxious about screwing up my performance. Good news: I played fine. Bad news: as I walked off the stage, I tripped over my own feet, face-planted the floor, and busted my nose open. FML

#21367992
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31288) - you deserved it (2612)

On 03/04/2015 at 1:20pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I thought I had carbon monoxide poisoning because I had the symptoms and my detector was going off. I called the fire dept, they checked me, they checked my apartment. My apartment is fine; I'm just out of shape, have high blood pressure, and don't know how to work simple electronics. FML

#21367736
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27381) - you deserved it (8837)

On 03/04/2015 at 12:12am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was expecting a card from my husband stationed in Japan, but he mailed it to my mom. Since I'm busy and don't see her much, she tried to help by mailing it to me. It's long overdue, and the post office never got it. The card came from Japan, only to get lost traveling from 30 minutes away. FML

Today, I got pulled over during my driving test. FML

#21367600
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31874) - you deserved it (6688)

On 03/03/2015 at 9:35pm - misc - by notdrivinganytimesoon (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got a call from a potential employer. They spent five minutes explaining job duties and I listened with anticipation. Then they spent five minutes explaining why I wasn't the right person for the job. FML

#21367505
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27778) - you deserved it (1934)

On 03/03/2015 at 7:28pm - work - by Kali (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got fired from my new waitress job after 2 shifts. They said I wasn't experienced enough to handle the fast pace. I thought I'd been doing well so I asked my friend who works there what really happened. Apparently not showing my boobs enough at a family place was grounds for dismissal. FML

#21367306
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14) - you deserved it (1990)

On 03/03/2015 at 2:06pm - work - by miewann - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my entire junior class took the ACT. On the last test, a classmate's phone went off, automatically invalidating the whole test. We all have to retake it. FML

Today, I noticed that my son was less excited about losing a tooth than normal. I asked him what was wrong, he said, "Tyler told me that the tooth fairy died yesterday in a car accident." To which Tyler replied, "You're welcome." FML

#21367147
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29164) - you deserved it (2408)

On 03/03/2015 at 8:14am - kids - by Mommycakes (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, while walking out of a store eating a candy bar, a homeless man tried to run up and steal my candy. I stuck a leg out and tripped him. The only thing I could think of to yell at him was, "Swiper no Swiping". My kids have ruined my coolness. FML

#21366982
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9) - you deserved it (5)

On 03/02/2015 at 11:57pm - misc - by Dad (man) - United States (Florida)



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