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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, when my roommate asked me what was wrong, I told him that something I ate was making me feel sick. He works 10+ hours a day, and I didn't have the heart to tell him that the putrid smell of his feet was making me nauseous. FML

#21329068
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28348) - you deserved it (4075)

On 01/02/2015 at 12:36am - misc - by jitterbug (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was brushing my teeth. When it came time for me to spit, I absentmindedly opened the bathroom drawer and spat in there instead of in the sink. FML

#21328982
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24586) - you deserved it (11222)

On 01/01/2015 at 10:38pm - misc - by 30000 - United States (California)

Today, as usual, my boyfriend referred to his penis in the third person as "Mr. Willy". Even during sex. FML

#21328962
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27390) - you deserved it (3759)

On 01/01/2015 at 10:22pm - intimacy - by mrwilly (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I dragged my grill outside in the freezing cold to cook a steak for New Year's day. I left my spatula in the garage, and I set the still-wrapped steak on the grill. I was only gone 45 seconds, but that was long enough for my cat to open the wrapper and run off with my steak in his jaws. FML

#21328958
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25173) - you deserved it (5817)

On 01/01/2015 at 10:18pm - animals - by TaddM21 (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I gave feedback on how the store is run at the owners' request, because they don't understand why everyone keeps quitting. I guess they took it personally, because they asked me not to come back. FML

#21328814
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25109) - you deserved it (2317)

On 01/01/2015 at 6:03pm - work - by outofajob - United States (Utah)

Today, I woke up after a night of New Year's Eve partying. I remember the night going great. What I don't remember is laying naked in the shower while my girlfriend ran water over my body to make me feel better. I also made my own funeral plans because I was convinced I was going to die. FML

#21328812
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24828) - you deserved it (6663)

On 01/01/2015 at 6:02pm - misc - by CK95 - United States

Today, my boyfriend finally played the new guitar I bought to replace the one he broke. He used a $1000 guitar to play me a moving song about my butt. FML

#21328639
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23862) - you deserved it (4651)

On 01/01/2015 at 1:16pm - love - by ButtWorthSingingBout (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I had to explain to my little brother that my pads were not in fact "big band-aids" and that he should probably remove them from his legs. FML

#21328540
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28193) - you deserved it (2766)

On 01/01/2015 at 10:09am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I went on a road trip with my boyfriend and his best friend. What I thought was going to be a great, fun time ended up with me alone in a car with two large men who wouldn't stop farting for 14 hours. FML

#21328432
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26157) - you deserved it (4076)

On 01/01/2015 at 3:52am - misc - by sandwhiched - United States (California)

Today, is the fourth day of my husband's and my new diet and exercise routine. I've already caught him eating junk food 4 times. He has lost 2 lbs and I've gained 3. FML

#21328280
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30956) - you deserved it (3374)

On 01/01/2015 at 12:50am - health - by hungry - United States

Today, my proposal to my girlfriend was supposed to be exactly when the ball dropped at midnight. Unfortunately my mother called her at 11:55pm to ask her if she liked the ring. FML

#21328278
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40344) - you deserved it (3200)

On 01/01/2015 at 12:47am - love - by Proposal Fail - United States (New York)

Today, I could not decide what was sadder: the fact that I have to work on New Year's Eve, or that fact that working on New Year's Eve is still the most exciting thing I've ever done for New Year's Eve. FML

#21328020
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26694) - you deserved it (2727)

On 12/31/2014 at 7:29pm - work - by MegaZeo (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got a letter from my long time boyfriend asking me to meet him at the place we first met for a "surprise". I can't remember where that even is. FML

#21327916
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26559) - you deserved it (10626)

On 12/31/2014 at 3:59pm - love - by lunab123 (woman) - United States (Maryland)



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Thursday 22 January 2015

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