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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, we told my fiancé's parents that I'm pregnant. His mom's response? "I'm going to throw up. You can't raise a child." We are both 28, self-sufficient and everyone else is thrilled. FML

#21288954
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31928) - you deserved it (2444)

On 10/31/2014 at 8:58am - kids - by kimmykins27 (woman) - United States

Today, I woke up really early to get ready for an interview. I guess it was too early because my mom thought someone broke into our house and now I have two bruised ribs. FML

#21288937
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28614) - you deserved it (2261)

On 10/31/2014 at 8:05am - misc - by nopethanks - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I came to the conclusion I have three kids instead of two, after having to force my husband to take a shower. It's been a week. FML

#21288837
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27943) - you deserved it (2790)

On 10/31/2014 at 1:10am - health - by NoScrubs - United States (California)

Today, my ex-girlfriend started dating the guy she told me not to worry about when we dated. FML

#21288806
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33925) - you deserved it (3293)

On 10/31/2014 at 12:24am - love - by anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I found out the guy I've been dating for 5 months is engaged to his girlfriend of 3 years. I found out as we were talking, waiting for him to come outside after work. FML

#21288734
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32038) - you deserved it (2433)

On 10/30/2014 at 10:32pm - intimacy - by taylor w - United States

Today, my mom spelled my name with all lowercase letters. When I asked her why she wrote it like that, she got pissed and snapped back, "Capitals are for people who amount to something." FML

#21288559
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31053) - you deserved it (3203)

On 10/30/2014 at 6:05pm - misc - by wow (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had to go to my dentist about a chipped tooth. I got it after my hand slipped off my dick and slammed straight into my face while I was masturbating. FML

#21288518
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25942) - you deserved it (21260)

On 10/30/2014 at 4:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I told my boyfriend that it's time for him to stop blaming others and own up to his mistakes. He retorted, "Don't blame me!" FML

#21288212
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27713) - you deserved it (3148)

On 10/30/2014 at 3:25am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I tried approaching this cute girl. She quickly picked up the nearest calculator and started talking into it, in a desperate act to seem busy. FML

#21288185
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31495) - you deserved it (3201)

On 10/30/2014 at 1:38am - love - by 41yearoldvirgin - United States (California)

Today, I got sick at school. When someone called my mom for permission for me to leave, she told them she doesn't have a daughter and to never call that number again. FML

Today, my skinny co-worker complained that sitting just underneath the AC vent was making her too cold. My boss had us switch places, because "your mass keeps you warm anyway". FML

#21288043
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31398) - you deserved it (4162)

On 10/29/2014 at 10:41pm - work - by OfficeFatty - United States

Today, my dad vehemently refused to let me go on vacation to France with my best friend, because he watched Taken a few months ago and apparently forgot that it's just a movie. FML

#21287659
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31247) - you deserved it (3973)

On 10/29/2014 at 1:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I watched as the teenage neighbor girl tried to parallel-park between me and my wife's cars. She was doing pretty well until she backed into mine, got scared, hit the accelerator and ran into my wife's. FML

#21287621
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39195) - you deserved it (2857)

On 10/29/2014 at 11:24am - misc - by carless - United States



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