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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my fiance's mother gave me a beautiful cross necklace to wear for my wedding. I'm Jewish. FML

#21514832
7 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20237) - you deserved it (2264)

On 01/13/2016 at 6:03pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend of 7 years. He thrusted as fast as rabbits. I waited years for 10 seconds. FML

#21514734
15 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22198) - you deserved it (5761)

On 01/13/2016 at 1:30pm - intimacy - by ShouldveStayedAVirgin - United States (Texas)

Today, after months of trying to train my cockatiel to perch on my finger, he finally trusted me enough to fly from his cage and land on my hand. I panicked and accidentally backhanded him across the room. FML

#21514709
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16617) - you deserved it (17660)

On 01/13/2016 at 12:05pm - animals - by parasheeeet (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I learned how it feels to sneeze after having major spinal surgery when the pain medication has almost completely worn off. FML

#21514699
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23166) - you deserved it (1472)

On 01/13/2016 at 11:13am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, the guy I'm dating took me to a dinner party at a couple's house. Halfway through dinner, I realized they were having the dinner party for the sole purpose of introducing him to their recently single daughter. FML

#21514669
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24276) - you deserved it (1541)

On 01/13/2016 at 8:56am - love - by Angel (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, neither I nor any of my coworkers understand why our boss hates me enough that I feel the need to carry pepperspray on me at all times. FML

#21514601
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18511) - you deserved it (1468)

On 01/13/2016 at 1:58am - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, sewage came up the toilet and tub in my apartment and spread far enough to get into the hallway. The maintenance crew found the source of the blocked pipes to be a ten inch long weave some idiot flushed down a toilet. FML

#21514581
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19761) - you deserved it (1064)

On 01/13/2016 at 12:54am - misc - by NeedsANewApartment (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was eating at a diner one of my friends from work recommended to me. I ordered a chicken salad sandwich, which was pretty good despite the used bandaid in it. FML

#21514494
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19725) - you deserved it (1208)

On 01/12/2016 at 9:41pm - misc - by anon - United States

Today, my mom smoked pot in my sister's bedroom while I was at school. When I noticed the stench, she blamed the cat. FML

#21514487
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19548) - you deserved it (1496)

On 01/12/2016 at 9:10pm - misc - by Mellamononeyobiz (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, while I was walking across a bridge, a prepubescent middle schooler grabbed my phone from my hand and threw it into the water. His friend filmed it, high-fived him, and they both ran off. I got that phone less than a week ago. FML

#21514472
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22764) - you deserved it (1513)

On 01/12/2016 at 8:18pm - misc - by ripmyphone - United States (Virginia)

Today, my mom informed me she got married two weeks ago. Hard to congratulate her when this is her eighth husband. FML

#21514447
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20265) - you deserved it (1272)

On 01/12/2016 at 7:16pm - love - by TabbyCat87 (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my father contacted me for the first time in years to ask about my upcoming wedding and possibly walking me down the aisle. He claimed the only reason he left was because he thought I'd be gay. I am. FML

#21514376
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20987) - you deserved it (1814)

On 01/12/2016 at 4:03pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my girlfriend launched her own business. I was recently laid off from my job, so I offered to be her very first employee. I now have the glamorous job of bleaching people's assholes. FML

#21514315
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19972) - you deserved it (6242)

On 01/12/2016 at 1:04pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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