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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I dislocated my toe while putting on my socks. FML

#21384619
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28731) - you deserved it (4708)

On 03/31/2015 at 6:54am - health - by billy - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I got in an argument with an ex-girlfriend who kept tactlessly bragging to me about her new boyfriend. I told her to read what she'd sent me, then pretend her boyfriend was telling her that. Fifteen minutes later, her boyfriend calls me, yelling for making her feel sad. FML

#21384606
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29119) - you deserved it (3185)

On 03/31/2015 at 5:35am - love - by lucasbeck99 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to explain to someone that all beverages, except plain water, actually have calories. They weren't too happy that their milkshake diet was over before it began. FML

#21384468
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24901) - you deserved it (2113)

On 03/30/2015 at 10:50pm - health - by technical - United States (Washington)

Today, I was working at a donation center. I was having a really rough day, so my fiancée dropped me off some cookies. At the end of my shift, the manager told me I couldn't take them home because they were donated and therefore they were "company property." FML

#21384262
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27797) - you deserved it (1773)

On 03/30/2015 at 4:46pm - work - by bingalingading (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, an old man walked up to me, said, "Hey missy, you wanna see an antique?" and winked. FML

#21384188
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27532) - you deserved it (2339)

On 03/30/2015 at 2:39pm - misc - by noantiquesforme - United States (California)

Today, my parents walked in on me, having sex. No, I wasn't having sex. They were. FML

#21384025
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36240) - you deserved it (2927)

On 03/30/2015 at 6:30am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, a teenage girl with a selfie stick came into my workplace. She knocked down multiple displays while trying to take pictures, before leaving without making a purchase. I had to clean it all up. FML

#21383983
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30596) - you deserved it (2125)

On 03/30/2015 at 1:56am - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, after recently quitting a terrible job which made me miserable, I went to my first work meeting at my new job. I was excited to start fresh and meet my new coworkers. Instead, I met my boyfriend's extremely jealous ex-girlfriend. She didn't look excited to see me. FML

#21383954
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27696) - you deserved it (1835)

On 03/30/2015 at 1:06am - work - by kitkat3308 - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend, with whom I am genuinely in love. Right after I'd got the condom on, she said, "You do know this is break-up sex, right?" FML

#21383831
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34983) - you deserved it (2282)

On 03/29/2015 at 10:13pm - intimacy - by sexisntfun (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I lost hundreds of dollars in gift cards. Robbed? No. Mugged? Don't think so. My roommate threw them away after he got water on them, thinking that it rendered them unusable. FML

#21383795
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28328) - you deserved it (2115)

On 03/29/2015 at 9:09pm - money - by BrokeAndSad - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found out my girlfriend keeps my toenails in her deceased grandmother's prized music box. She says it's to, "Keep the box natural." I don't understand why she does this, or what she means by "natural." FML

#21383678
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24195) - you deserved it (2052)

On 03/29/2015 at 5:18pm - misc - by coldasfire - United States

Today, my girlfriend hasn't spoken to me in a week, so I gave her a call. No reply. I texted her, and got a text back saying: "Sorry, dude. Better luck next time!" FML

#21383638
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25994) - you deserved it (2031)

On 03/29/2015 at 3:54pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had to teach my grandma how to burn files to CDs. I jokingly said that it doesn't involve literally burning the disks in fire, to which she responded by slapping me and calling me a patronizing brat. FML

#21383501
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22978) - you deserved it (12446)

On 03/29/2015 at 10:03am - misc - by shamwazzlefarznarfnarfwoofbaaa (man) - United States (New York)



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