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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was standing by the bed naked, waiting for my wife to come out of the bathroom. She opens the door and walks over to me, swinging her hips, wearing pratically nothing. About four feet from me, she trips on the edge of the floor mat, and uses my 'junk' to catch herself. FML

#3950301
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75277) - you deserved it (6083)

On 07/22/2009 at 10:12am - intimacy - by Gordon (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was fired from the babysitting job I have had for 2 years. I thought maybe the mother had found out that I sometimes let her kids stay up late and have extra sweets. The real reason, as she told me, was that she didn't want her kids loving anyone more than they love her. FML

#3949898
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52302) - you deserved it (3080)

On 07/22/2009 at 8:17am - work - by babysitter93 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had a job interview with an environmentalist organization. I got the job, my FIRST job, a great first job doing something I am passionate about. An hour after the interview was over, they called me back and asked if I was 18. I'm 17, and unemployed again. FML

Today, I was going to surprise my boyfriend at his family birthday celebration with a $2,000 trip he's always wanted, Ireland. Right before my gift, he had opened his mother's gift, an envelope containing a plane ticket. Guess where it was going? FML

#3949240
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44665) - you deserved it (4461)

On 07/22/2009 at 4:11am - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I returned from a month-long stay in a psych ward for severe depression and suicide attempts. The first words my friends say to me when I call them and let them know I'm out? "Does this mean you're not gonna be so emo? 'cause that was really annoying." FML

#3947588
260 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44349) - you deserved it (26170)

On 07/22/2009 at 1:47am - misc - by emogurl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I finally figured out who has been stalking me for the past 5 months. And we're related. FML

#3945707
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44861) - you deserved it (2686)

On 07/22/2009 at 12:27am - misc - by stalkered (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had a fight with my little sister. Later she apologized and made me dinner to make up for it. I thought it was pretty good until I found out that instead of using Parmesan cheese in the recipe, she used foot shavings from her Ped Egg. FML

#3945236
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59906) - you deserved it (6309)

On 07/22/2009 at 12:12am - misc - by vomitingnow (man) - United States

Today, my manager came in and said "Hey Alice, great job closing so well last night. NOT." and walked off. When I heard the door shut, I said "And great job being a bitch, you cow." I heard my manager walking back towards me. She wasn't the one who left the room. FML

#3944960
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17827) - you deserved it (43217)

On 07/22/2009 at 12:03am - work - by Alice (woman) - United States

Today, I was performing in the musical 'Cabaret'. I was playing a Nazi soldier, swastika armband and all. Someone thought it would be funny to take my real clothes while I was on stage. I had to walk a mile back my house with my costume on. Someone threw eggs at me. FML

#3939096
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47704) - you deserved it (4930)

On 07/21/2009 at 8:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I babysat the most annoying and obnoxious kids for almost eight hours, when the parents assured me that they would only be gone about three or so hours. After constant calling and worrying, they finally showed up at 11:30, completely drunk. The mother paid me with three dollars and a banana. FML

#3935872
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57931) - you deserved it (3254)

On 07/21/2009 at 6:17pm - kids - by GabsAlot829 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was lying in bed, trying to sleep, when I heard my parents having sex, so I put on my headphones. After listening to music for a good long while, I figured they were done by now, so I took off the headphones just in time to hear them finish. FML

#3934975
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67685) - you deserved it (5086)

On 07/21/2009 at 5:38pm - intimacy - by Headphones (man) - United States

Today, a resident went missing at our nursing home. When I found him, a man in a blue shirt and red pants, he started yelling at me in confusion. I just thought it was his alzheimers. When I brought him to my administrator, I was told the missing resident was wearing a red shirt and blue pants. Wrong guy. FML

#3933300
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16911) - you deserved it (35786)

On 07/21/2009 at 4:22pm - health - by torkx3 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was taking a shower when my boyfriend suddenly hopped in with me. We were getting a little frisky when my mom's hand unexpectedly came through the curtain, and dropped a condom in the bottom of the shower, all the while saying, "Keep it safe kids!". FML

#3932433
361 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55256) - you deserved it (28158)

On 07/21/2009 at 3:45pm - intimacy - by uh-oh (woman) - United States (New Mexico)



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