FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I discovered that my mom is having an affair... with her cousin. FML

by Drew / 08/05/2010 at 1:18am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend woke up to the flash of a camera. It was his mother taking pictures of my shoe print on his window sill and night stand. She said she was collecting evidence proving I snuck in through his window last night. FML

by AmNot / 08/05/2010 at 12:38am / United States / Love

Today, some jerk super glued leaves and a note onto my car's front windshield. Not only is it directly in front of the driver's seat and makes it nearly impossible to drive, but it won't come off. What makes it worse? I was spending the night at a friend's house and the note was meant for her. FML

by Mustang / 08/04/2010 at 9:13pm / United States (Texas) / Transportation

Today, I had to explain to my doctor and parents that I dislocated my shoulder while masturbating. FML

by kinky / 08/04/2010 at 8:24pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, I came home from work to find the lock to my bike busted and my bike stolen. The worst part was a nicer bike was sitting right next to it without a lock. FML

by Amandajean32 / 08/04/2010 at 8:02pm / United States / Transportation

Today, I had to admit to everyone, including my cable guy, that I'm moving back in with my parents. FML

by Anonymous / 08/04/2010 at 5:08pm / United States (Connecticut) / Money

Today, I went to an elementary school for volunteer work. I was asked to read to a group of kids during one of the classes. Before I started reading, a girl raised her hand and asked me if I had a boyfriend and if I was single. I asked her why and she said "My daddy wanted to know." I'm 16. FML

by LaRae17 / 08/04/2010 at 10:40am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend finally got a job. As a clown. FML

by Ploeboi / 08/04/2010 at 4:28am / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, I was called handsome. Too bad it was coming from a trashed homeless lady, who then went on to tell me that she likes my lips and wants to rape me. FML

by IllJustGetYouASweaterThen / 08/04/2010 at 3:58am / United States (New Mexico) / Intimacy

Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. He went outside for a "breather" and never came back. FML

by Alisha Marie / 08/04/2010 at 12:20am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I moved into my new college apartment for the next year. A 45 year old guy with a mustache in short shorts and no shirt answers the door. He will be one of my roommates. FML

by jkin47 / 08/03/2010 at 9:44pm / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous

Today, my car broke down. I had a two mile, up-hill walk ahead of me. About half way up the hill, a car beeped. Thinking they were poking fun at my misfortune, I began to curse and use obscene gestures, only to find out that it was my neighbor asking if I needed a ride. She drove off. FML

by bitch / 08/03/2010 at 9:19pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Transportation

Today, my best friend who I've known since high school is getting married. I'm supposed to give a toast during the reception about how great the bride and groom are. I've been sleeping with the groom for the past 7 months. FML

by Emily / 08/03/2010 at 7:54pm / United States (Kansas) / Intimacy