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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I went on a date and it was going great. When we got our meals, he told me I had to try what he was having, and he fed me a bite. I said something like "oh that was cute" and he replied with "I was just trying to see how big your mouth is." FML

#6428684
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28886) - you deserved it (3834)

On 11/23/2009 at 10:22pm - love - by OpenWide (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I agreed to buy my girlfriend a piggle for Christmas. The pig is miniature. The noise it makes is not. Oh, and I just found out it's not living with her, but with me. FML

#6427475
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7982) - you deserved it (24853)

On 11/23/2009 at 9:30pm - love - by pigglepigglepiggle (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I received two letters, one from my mom, other from my dad, about how much they missed me with me not being around them. I called my mom, feeling sad. She didn't sound sad at all. She asked me which letter was better. My parents were competing each other which letter would be more moving. FML

#6424170
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22948) - you deserved it (1994)

On 11/23/2009 at 7:07pm - love - by ssjin93 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my fiancé and I were fooling around when his foreskin ripped and bled all over the place. After a trip to the emergency room, the doctor told us no sex for 6 weeks to let it heal. We're getting married and going on our honeymoon in 2 weeks. FML

#6423121
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28494) - you deserved it (6382)

On 11/23/2009 at 5:29pm - intimacy - by bleh (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I finally received a paycheck for the first time in six months. I celebrated by promptly falling down a flight of stairs and losing consciousness. FML

#6422914
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25934) - you deserved it (4780)

On 11/23/2009 at 5:12pm - work - by DBR (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was snuggling with my boyfriend on the couch. We ended up falling asleep, and when I woke up I felt a slobberly substance running down my face. It turns out, my boyfriend drooled so much, it filled my ear and overflowed onto my face. FML

#6422671
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39293) - you deserved it (3685)

On 11/23/2009 at 4:11pm - love - by TheGirl (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was walking on the boardwalk with my mom when an old man came up and asked me to marry him. He promised he would buy me a Mercedes if I did. The man was homeless and delusional. My mom told me I should take the offer because it would be the best offer I could get. FML

#6421285
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31628) - you deserved it (2775)

On 11/23/2009 at 1:09pm - misc - by ellie (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I fell in a hole in my back yard and got stuck. My mother called the fire department. They all stood around laughing and taking pictures before they helped me. FML

#6420753
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29624) - you deserved it (5399)

On 11/23/2009 at 11:19am - misc - by PaperInfection (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I found out that some men think it's ok to clip their fingernails, at the table, in a restaurant, on a first date. FML

#6420618
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39965) - you deserved it (2804)

On 11/23/2009 at 5:13am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I went onto the treadmill at my gym. When it prompted me to enter my age I put 27. I'm 29 and am lying about my age to a workout machine. FML

#6418903
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8765) - you deserved it (36209)

On 11/23/2009 at 4:54am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I found my son's dead goldfish. Apparently, when it died he didn't flush it. Instead he placed it in one of my socks, placed that sock in a jar, and set the jar in the back of my closet. The fish has been dead for over a month. FML

#6417968
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31674) - you deserved it (2637)

On 11/23/2009 at 2:31am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I saw one of my favorite hockey players in public. I had met him once before, and to my shock, he remembered me. I was pretty excited until he started talking to his friend in French. He didn't seem to realize that I'm fluent in the language. He basically called me "ugly psycho bitch." FML

#6417611
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38516) - you deserved it (6442)

On 11/23/2009 at 1:59am - misc - by frenchgirl (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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