FMLs submitted from United States

Today, while at work, I started to feel sick to my stomach, hot, and dizzy. My co-worker told me to go home. On the way through the locker room to get my stuff, I experienced a dizzy spell so severe, I blacked out and pooped myself. No one in the building is going to let me forget this. FML

by Anonymous / 08/20/2010 at 2:40pm / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, my girlfriend of a year and I had sex for the first time in several weeks due to relationship problems; I came in less than 10 seconds. We're still having problems. FML

by pathetic / 08/20/2010 at 5:51am / United States (Nevada) / Intimacy

Today, I ended up sleeping on the dirty floor because my sister didn't want to share a king sized bed with me. She got up to get a drink and stepped on my face. FML

by Fml24609 / 08/20/2010 at 2:20am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I was taking a shower for the first time in my new apartment. The shower head broke off the wall and slammed onto my head while spraying water everywhere. I tried to stop the water but only stopped the cold and got burnt by the hot. FML

by home owner / 08/20/2010 at 2:14am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, after twisting my knee playing soccer with my friends, I had to take myself to the hospital. Apparently finishing the game was more important to them. FML

by Sam / 08/20/2010 at 1:34am / United States / Health

Today, I got woken up by Hallelujah blasting outside my apartment windows for 30 minutes straight. FML

by notyoueallie / 08/20/2010 at 12:06am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my incredibly self conscious girlfriend decided to get over her fears and let me see her in her underwear. She did a short strip tease, crawled on top of me and asked what I thought. I couldn't think of anything to say besides, "Your bra and panties don't match." FML

by captainocd / 08/19/2010 at 3:16pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, seconds after my mom put my yorkie onto my bed, he threw up. His head was not fully over the bed itself, so the wet chunks fell straight into my backpack onto my new school books. FML

by Anonymous / 08/19/2010 at 1:36pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals

Today, all the while my friends were over, my mom took too many of her pills and walked around the house nude. She then bit me. FML

by feartheend511 / 08/19/2010 at 11:48am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he finds his car more attractive than me. FML

by yup okay / 08/19/2010 at 11:28am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my wife put divorce papers in my birthday card. FML

by divorced / 08/19/2010 at 6:01am / United States (Tennessee) / Love

 Today, I came home from a long day at work, and heard voices coming from my living room. I thought my house was being robbed so I called 911. Turns out I left the T.V. on. FML

by Anonymous / 08/19/2010 at 4:22am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my husband put a parental block on the TV so I couldn't rent a movie. I'm 42. FML

by mylifeblows / 08/19/2010 at 2:15am / United States (Arizona) / Love