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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my motorcycle was stolen from the 4th level of my “secure” gated parking garage. I strategically park it tightly between my car and a concrete wall to limit theft opportunity. They scratched my car trying to get it out. FML

#2885254
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43636) - you deserved it (3423)

On 06/14/2009 at 1:28pm - misc - by stolenbike (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my family was discussing the new rules of the house we are moving in. They told my sister she couldn't have any boys in her room. They didn't tell me I couldn't have any girls in my room. Even my parents think I can't get a girlfriend. FML

#2885124
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38462) - you deserved it (4434)

On 06/14/2009 at 1:20pm - misc - by FML1994 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got fired from a large oil and energy service company after 5 and 1/2 months. The interview process to land the job took 8 months. My interview process was longer than my job. FML

#2884075
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35142) - you deserved it (3647)

On 06/14/2009 at 12:34pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, as my boyfriend and I were messing around in his room he took off my underwear. As he was about to go down on me I spread my legs to help out then he looked up at me and said, "You got some toilet paper left behind." FML

#2874076
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36859) - you deserved it (57874)

On 06/14/2009 at 12:14am - intimacy - by BarbieKen (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my friends and I were walking past a bar. There were a few cute guys "rating" every girl that walked by with number cards. My friend, who is a guy, got an 8. I got a 2. FML

#2873732
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39030) - you deserved it (3884)

On 06/14/2009 at 12:05am - misc - by number2 - United States (California)

Today, was my senior prom. I've had a crush on my date for months, but after many attempts at grinding with him and sexy seduction, he rejected me saying he was a good Catholic boy. I later found out that not only is he in touch with his religion, but intimately in touch with other boys. FML

#2871893
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44255) - you deserved it (6302)

On 06/13/2009 at 11:06pm - intimacy - by failatboys (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I met a cute girl at a dance club. I entered her number in my phone just before she left the club. With a proud smile, I turned the screen towards my buddy, showing off my accomplishment. Attempting to give me a friendly pat he accidentally closed my phone. I hadn't saved the number. FML

#2870755
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36554) - you deserved it (15459)

On 06/13/2009 at 10:24pm - misc - by philderichmond (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was so excited to play the video game I just bought, I decided to read the manual in the game. I went over the seizure warning and thought to myself, who the hell gets a seizure from playing a video game? Apparently I do. FML

#2867945
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52445) - you deserved it (7946)

On 06/13/2009 at 8:47pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my sister and I got fitted for bridesmaid's dresses. It was pretty sheer material, so I took off my bright pink thong and left it on the changing room hanger. As I was looking at myself in the mirror, a woman came out of the room holding my thong. She had tried it on. FML

#2867834
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43391) - you deserved it (9590)

On 06/13/2009 at 8:43pm - misc - by anonymous1 - United States (California)

Today, I found out the identity of the pervert who's been staring at me through my bedroom window in the late hours of the night. My parents and I decided to set out a trap for 'him' instead of reporting to our local cop. Turns out, we caught my 37 year-old neighbor in the act. He's the cop. FML

#2865123
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44714) - you deserved it (2314)

On 06/13/2009 at 6:46pm - misc - by Meg (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, in the bathroom during the ACTs, my hair got stuck in the electric hand dryer. I had to rip my hair out. For future reference, hair + hand dryer = dreadlocks. FML

#2864467
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33043) - you deserved it (11135)

On 06/13/2009 at 6:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I gave a carpet shampooing demonstration in a stranger's home. To my surprise, the white expensive carpet was dyed grey due to something in the solution. The owner held me hostage in her house by barracading the door until my manager got there. FML

#2861063
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43390) - you deserved it (7923)

On 06/13/2009 at 3:47pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)



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