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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my son decided to come out of the closet by wearing a shirt that said "Mom, I'm gay" to the family reunion. FML

#4034101
336 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40921) - you deserved it (23663)

On 07/25/2009 at 5:14pm - kids - by Mom (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was checking out my boyfriend's facebook profile. I saw that he had just taken the "How long will it take for your girldriend to realize you're cheating on her?" Quiz. FML

#4034087
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49279) - you deserved it (5214)

On 07/25/2009 at 5:12pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while trying to get my attention, my dog got her nail stuck in a usb port in my laptop. She freaked out and ran off, dragging it off my lap and through the house before if came off. Her nail was only slightly chipped- my laptop now has a cracked screen. FML

#4031277
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38878) - you deserved it (8285)

On 07/25/2009 at 2:43pm - animals - by stpddog (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I decided to make a place in my house for my friends to sign called “The Friend Wall." By sign I meant sign, not draw body parts. This afternoon I ate lunch next to a basketball-sized vagina and a monumentally large blue and purple penis. FML

#4031081
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11386) - you deserved it (55794)

On 07/25/2009 at 2:32pm - misc - by rbates - United States (Florida)

Today, I was having really bad diarrhea. I sat down on the toilet and heard a plop, thinking it was just me going to the bathroom. After I was finished, I look in the toilet to see my iPhone sitting in a pool of diarrhea. FML

#4029812
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59667) - you deserved it (22039)

On 07/25/2009 at 1:14pm - money - by Pottymouth (man) - United States

Today, I was at the movies. All of a sudden, the woman next to me starts laughing uncontrollably and talking to her friend during the movie. This continued throughout the movie, ruining it. I turned and whispered to my friend. The woman then taps me on the shoulder and yells, "Shut the fuck up!" FML

Today, my family invited a bunch of their friends over for a party. At some point they decided to play some home videos from many years ago. In one of them, I was 7, I said, "Look Mommy! I can make my pee-pee bigger by doing this!" Everyone saw and laughed. FML

#4027991
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43650) - you deserved it (3970)

On 07/25/2009 at 10:55am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my husband and I got a new stainless steel microwave. When we took it out of the package we noticed it was blue and got angry. We were about to return it, but we called in our 12 year old daughter to see what she thought of the microwave. She then took off the blue protective plastic. FML

#4026521
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8128) - you deserved it (79892)

On 07/25/2009 at 7:30am - kids - by BlueBaby123 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was talking to my mom lamenting the fact that none of my few relationships seem to last longer than 2 months. She asked why and I said, "because I'm paranoid, obsessive compulsive, judgmental, defensive, and stubborn." Instead of encouraging me, she said, "Well, at least you're honest." FML

#4026463
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11510) - you deserved it (41580)

On 07/25/2009 at 7:13am - love - by lonely (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my 9 year old niece asked me if I was a virgin. I told her, "Yes, I'm saving myself until marriage". She replied, "That's a load of bullshit, you just can't get a guy!" Sadly, she's right. FML

#4025974
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48180) - you deserved it (8181)

On 07/25/2009 at 5:55am - kids - by Kimberly (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking down the strip with a friend when we saw a homeless man with no arm. I felt bad, so I gave him some cash and I looked into his poor little eyes when he put out his arm for a hug. Without thinking, I hugged him. Right as I was thinking, "wtf am I doing," he kissed my boob. FML

#4021792
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16630) - you deserved it (48388)

On 07/25/2009 at 1:19am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my boyfriend came home from being deployed for the past 3 months. As soon as he gets out of the car, he walks right past me and goes to hug his dog. FML

#4020380
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43772) - you deserved it (7860)

On 07/25/2009 at 12:25am - love - by sadgf (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I spent my date night babysitting. After waiting three hours later than I was supposed, the mother finally gets home at 11, too late for me to get out and have any fun. Already annoyed, I take the money as she says, "I hope this is enough, I got hungry and spent some of your money." FML

#4020289
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46748) - you deserved it (2694)

On 07/25/2009 at 12:21am - work - by hugs511 (woman) - United States (Tennessee)



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