FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I woke up to find a tick stuck to my eyelashes. The only way I know of to get it off is with fire. FML

by Anonymous / 08/10/2010 at 12:34pm / United States (Minnesota) / Health

Today, we had our first rainstorm in weeks. Thirty seconds before it started, my window broke in the "down" position from overuse, since last week the air conditioning in my car gave out. Now I have a hot, wet car. FML

by Anonymous / 08/10/2010 at 12:27pm / United States (Georgia) / Transportation

Today, my boyfriend texted me, and asked if he could come over to 'have some fun'. Thinking we were going to do it, I freshened up. Turns out his idea of 'having some fun' is playing Doodle Jump and Angry Birds on my iPod. For three hours. FML

by kylie / 08/10/2010 at 3:22am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, while eating dinner, a car alarm went off outside for 15 minutes and was driving me crazy, until I realized it was my car. FML

by clu / 08/10/2010 at 2:07am / United States (Illinois) / Transportation

Today, there was a fire drill at my school. I was in the bathroom taking a dump, and if that wasn't bad enough, I got suspended for two days for 'improper procedure during a fire drill'. I didn't know you could get suspended for taking a dump. FML

by dammit / 08/10/2010 at 1:19am / United States (New Hampshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom signed me up for Weight Watchers as a surprise birthday present. FML

by fatman / 08/09/2010 at 10:29pm / United States (Michigan) / Health

Today, I was supposed to take a test, but the professor didn't have it ready because he went to a concert last night. I sold my own tickets to that very concert in order to study for the test. FML

by goodstudent / 08/09/2010 at 1:44pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was in the car with my parents' friends. I was in the back with my window down when I felt something strange hit my ear. I then realized that the person sitting in front of me was picking their scab and throwing it out the window. FML

by Scabs / 08/09/2010 at 12:54pm / United States (Utah) / Transportation

Today, I went to the drive-through and ordered 5 cheeseburgers. I told the cashier that some of them were for my girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend, and I ate all of them by myself. FML

by Anonymous / 08/09/2010 at 9:24am / United States (Connecticut) / Health

Today, I misspelled the word "failure" in front of all my co-workers. Now I'm not given any writing tasks. FML

by Fml24609 / 08/09/2010 at 4:29am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I couldn't fall asleep till 3am and was woken approximately every hour or so. Why? I found out my new upstairs neighbors have a very active love life. She's a screamer. FML

by SleeplessInSoCal / 08/09/2010 at 2:18am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I found a pile of animal skeletons scattered in my backyard. It appears that last night, mother nature decided to rain so hard, that the graves of my childhood pets floated back up to the top, and covered half of my field. I now have to pick all of it up before my dog sees them. FML

by L.Lime05 / 08/08/2010 at 7:27pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I found out that my "secret admirer" I've been exchanging letters with for the last three months, and even started developing feelings for, is actually my ex best friend trying to pull a prank on me. FML

by pixiegirl / 08/08/2010 at 3:38pm / United States / Love