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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my cell phone rang while I was still asleep. I picked it up, half asleep, only to find it was a wrong number from some guy. Three minutes later I receive a text message saying "Hey, you sound cute..." from the same number. I looked to see if he was local. I'm that desperate. FML

Today, the girl I like called me and said she liked me. After I told her I liked her too, she didn't say anything. Thinking the call was a joke, I started screaming at her and calling her a slut. Turns out it wasn't a joke, she had just hit mute on her phone by accident. FML

#1900118
322 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13937) - you deserved it (97789)

On 05/13/2009 at 11:35am - love - by your_mother - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was cleaning my apartment because I'm moving. I was being really thorough so I could get as much of the damage deposit back as possible. I noticed I still had one of those 3M plastic hooks on the wall, and when I went to carefully take it off, a large chunk of the wall came with it. FML

#1896240
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39806) - you deserved it (7570)

On 05/13/2009 at 3:13am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, it's my birthday. After a day out partying, I came home to find all my stuff smashed in the yard, even my 42" plasma TV. After asking my girlfriend what her problem was, she said a "slut" left a message on the machine stating how fun last night was. It turned out to be my mom. FML

#1893907
346 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79602) - you deserved it (4279)

On 05/13/2009 at 1:11am - misc - by chaos2007 - United States (Texas)

Today, I rode my bike to the store because I only had a few things to pick up. When I walked back out after five minutes, my bike was stolen. I had gone to the store to buy a new bike lock. FML

#1881750
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37938) - you deserved it (9041)

On 05/12/2009 at 7:11pm - misc - by getyourownbike (woman) - United States

Today, I went to the gym for the first time in a while and realized that I can lift way more with my left hand than with my right even though I am right handed. I also realized that I jack off with my left hand. FML

#1881658
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9864) - you deserved it (52201)

On 05/12/2009 at 7:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I learned that I have carpal tunnel syndrome. I got it from playing too much World of Warcraft. I got a disease in real life by living in a virtual world. FML

#1879175
368 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22781) - you deserved it (133662)

On 05/12/2009 at 6:05pm - health - by Loser (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I flew home from college to see my parents. Later I found the expensive painting and hand-made necklace I mailed to my mom for mother's day while taking out the trash. FML

#1877583
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52240) - you deserved it (2363)

On 05/12/2009 at 4:58pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had all four of my wisdom teeth extracted. Under anesthesia I told the dentist my entire love life and drug history in detail. FML

#1877566
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54324) - you deserved it (13241)

On 05/12/2009 at 4:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boss in my police dept. told me to start enforcing the "no bikes on sidewalks" law which we usually ignore. I pulled up behind the first person I saw riding a bike on a sidewalk and flashed my lights. It turned out to be a boy with down syndrome who was so upset he cried and peed. FML

#1873623
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65547) - you deserved it (11924)

On 05/12/2009 at 2:29pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend was continuously telling me how great my best friend smelled the other night and how I should wear some perfume that smelled like that. I have the same exact perfume and have been wearing it for months. FML

#1870667
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58832) - you deserved it (2826)

On 05/12/2009 at 11:22am - love - by badboyfriend101 - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, not wanting to be known as a lightweight anymore, I started drinking with some guy friends. After one beer I ended up in bed with one of them who kindly put my bra back on for me after, as I was too sloshed. I'm no longer known as lightweight, but instead, the slutty drunk. FML

#1869904
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10041) - you deserved it (73722)

On 05/12/2009 at 10:23am - misc - by Permafucked (woman) - United States (South Dakota)



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