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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he'd like to dress me in a squirrel suit and chase me through the forest. This was the surprising result of a discussion on how to spice up our love life. FML

#7753235
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29197) - you deserved it (4534)

On 01/31/2010 at 7:24pm - love - by JK (man) - United States (California)

Today, things heated up with the new guy I've been seeing for a couple of weeks, he kept saying things like "I want you so bad" and "it's going to take hours" to the point that I was so hot, I decided to go for it. Apparently he has "a problem sometimes" getting it up. FML

#7753113
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20888) - you deserved it (3667)

On 01/31/2010 at 7:20pm - intimacy - by unsatisfied (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I'm in the hospital because I sliced my leg open. Why? I jumped off my bed and scratched myself on the metal bed frame when Miss America was crowned to Miss Virginia. I'm 20 years old, and a man. FML

#7744599
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8762) - you deserved it (33015)

On 01/31/2010 at 1:37pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I realized what all the women I've been with have in common: Craigslist. FML

#7743505
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7877) - you deserved it (27985)

On 01/31/2010 at 12:42pm - love - by depr3ssed (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was watching a horror movie with my girlfriend. Suddenly, the killer jumped on screen. My girlfriend screamed. I peed myself. FML

#7736774
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36013) - you deserved it (13310)

On 01/31/2010 at 5:16am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend bumped into me at McDonald's. I was sitting alone at a table with a big mac, two large fries, a large drink and 1 case of chicken nuggets. FML

#7732342
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23596) - you deserved it (35571)

On 01/31/2010 at 1:44am - love - by tammy999 (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months asked me to spend the night at his apartment for the first time. I had to poop really bad when I got there, so I used his only bathroom. He went after me, and came out a few seconds later, gagging. Apparently, I clogged his toilet. FML

#7728749
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32281) - you deserved it (6705)

On 01/31/2010 at 12:06am - misc - by Becca (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got to talk to the guy I like. Thinking it would be about something pleasant. I was completely wrong. It was about the guy who sits in front of me and his masturbation problem. FML

#7728542
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23940) - you deserved it (2995)

On 01/31/2010 at 12:01am - intimacy - by Me - United States

Today, I discovered that my roommate uses her twitter to complain about me. FML

#7725800
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24236) - you deserved it (5621)

On 01/30/2010 at 11:01pm - misc - by sparkle (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I found out that my girlfriend had replaced our picture in her locket for a picture of Taylor Lautner shirtless. FML

#7724225
260 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36306) - you deserved it (5946)

On 01/30/2010 at 10:20pm - love - by Twilightsux (man) - United States

Today, I was stuck sitting at a cafeteria table next to the girl who broke my heart and her boyfriend. I got to overhear the conversation, which included "I want to go to the car" followed by "Me too, but I don't have a condom." FML

#7720142
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33994) - you deserved it (3192)

On 01/30/2010 at 8:35pm - love - by WishesWasDeaf (man) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I discovered that my best friend of 3 years has me in her phone as "Stupid Bitch". FML

#7718053
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30743) - you deserved it (4267)

On 01/30/2010 at 7:32pm - misc - by hahahawoww (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was rushed to the hospital because I was crying so hard I couldn't breathe. Why was I crying? My favorite anime character died. FML

#7711889
284 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18724) - you deserved it (80606)

On 01/30/2010 at 3:54pm - misc - by Obsessed (woman) - United States (California)



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