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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I went to TGI Friday's with my crush. At the end of our meal, the waitress gave us mints with the bill. He said something that made me laugh, and I began choking on my mint. After a few coughs, I finally managed to get it out. It hit him in the forehead and landed in his drink. FML

#3811943
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40639) - you deserved it (4824)

On 07/16/2009 at 8:05pm - love - by CityGirl (woman) - United States (Alaska)

Today, while going through airport security the lady asked why I folded everything so small. I said that I was going away for a month and needed to fit a lot of stuff in only one bag. She smiled, nodded and then dumped my luggage to search for "drugs and other illegal teen things." FML

#3811279
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48652) - you deserved it (2825)

On 07/16/2009 at 7:39pm - misc - by search_me (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I found out my class was attempting to raise money for me through a bake sale because some girl spread a false rumor that I was raped and that my father was going to disown me. The whole school believes it and my biology teacher took me aside and asked if I needed someone to confide in. FML

#3806644
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60481) - you deserved it (2672)

On 07/16/2009 at 4:32pm - misc - by dork (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I took my daughter to the lake. She told me she had to go to the bathroom and I whispered to her "just pee in the lake, it's fine, but go in a little deeper." She went in the lake and turned to me to yell "MOM, IS THIS DEEP ENOUGH FOR ME TO PEE?" FML

#3804490
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11336) - you deserved it (56265)

On 07/16/2009 at 3:04pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I quit my job because my company wouldn't give me the raise I've been asking for for 2 years. I just saw the ad on Craigslist for my replacement position. The starting salary is above what I was asking for. FML

Today, while talking on the phone with my long distance boyfriend, he let me know that he was getting married in August to "some girl" for his papers. After I objected he told me, "well you can marry me if you want." I'm not sure if I just got dumped or proposed to. FML

#3804007
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45172) - you deserved it (5214)

On 07/16/2009 at 2:46pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, we went up for visitor's day for my son's Jewish summer camp. We don't keep kosher, but most of his fellow campers do. When we went around in the circle saying our favorite foods, he said, "my mom makes the best pork chops." We got dirty looks for the rest of the day. FML

#3799084
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37796) - you deserved it (12331)

On 07/16/2009 at 11:02am - kids - by porkeater (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my friend awoke me because I was talking in my sleep. When I asked her what I was talking about she replied with, "Let's just say you were having tea with the Queen of England. And a duck. You're really good at quacking." FML

#3799026
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36495) - you deserved it (4778)

On 07/16/2009 at 10:59am - misc - by MadMax (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend of a year broke up with me because "god told him to." What god didn't tell him was that I would check his e-mail and find all the e-mails to and from his new girlfriend. FML

#3797980
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45474) - you deserved it (5599)

On 07/16/2009 at 9:44am - love - by hrtbrkn (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I finished my project two weeks early. Now I am being laid off because there is no work to do. FML

#3797001
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46098) - you deserved it (3520)

On 07/16/2009 at 8:00am - work - by bowhuntpa (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my friend gave me a fortune cookie that said, "Don't be saddened by an upcoming event". Three hours later my girlfriend broke up with me because she said I was too superstitious. FML

#3793812
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40194) - you deserved it (5771)

On 07/16/2009 at 3:08am - misc - by joking0303 (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, at the end of a night of heavy drinking, I decided it was a good idea to go off into the park with a friend of mine. We ended up fooling around in the park, when a couple of kids stole our clothes. We had to walk back to town with no clothes on. FML

#3792630
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12930) - you deserved it (68033)

On 07/16/2009 at 2:15am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my wife gave me back my camera which she took on vacation to visit her parents with our 2-year old. I noticed the picture sequence had big gaps in the numbering. I ran an undelete on the card, and found 80+ pictures of her naked with another guy in her mom's bedroom. FML

#3792104
267 comments

I agree, your life sucks (91336) - you deserved it (4661)

On 07/16/2009 at 1:51am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)



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