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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my girlfriend decided it would be a funny idea to spray me with a hose while I was holding a kitten, showing her how cute we were. Needless to say, now I'm covered head to toe in cat scratches. FML

#7870417
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25758) - you deserved it (3409)

On 02/04/2010 at 3:40am - health - by littlespoon (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my boyfriend informed me that in the event of a zombie apocalypse, he'd kill me before I got infected. FML

#7870282
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29077) - you deserved it (7591)

On 02/04/2010 at 3:29am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I got rear-ended. In possibly the scariest part of downtown. At night. By a man who spoke hardly any English but managed to ask if I would go out dancing with him instead of calling my insurance company. FML

#7868479
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31234) - you deserved it (2407)

On 02/04/2010 at 1:34am - misc - by city_girl (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I am jobless after graduation. Ironic, since when I started college with my education degree, I was congratulated, told of the teacher shortage in my state, and how quickly I would be able to find a job. Three years in, the economy tanks, and the state issues a teacher hiring freeze. FML

#7865579
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26760) - you deserved it (2792)

On 02/04/2010 at 12:02am - work - by FMJoblessL (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my boyfriend of three years who I helped through drug rehab and find employment in my office left me for someone else. His explanation was that now that his "head is not clouded with chemicals" and he "makes decent money", he wants to settle down with someone worthy of him. FML

#7858295
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38706) - you deserved it (3789)

On 02/03/2010 at 9:17pm - love - by dracer (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I walked outside, slipped, busted my head, and had to get 7 stitches. Turns out my son thought it would be funny to spray the sidewalk with water last night so it would freeze. He got a laugh, and I spent over $100 on the stitches. FML

#7847949
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27539) - you deserved it (2774)

On 02/03/2010 at 3:04pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I got married. My mother told me to stop being difficult, because she was the mother of the bride, and it was her day to shine. FML

#7845812
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40728) - you deserved it (2897)

On 02/03/2010 at 12:58pm - love - by bluebride (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went for a job interview I scheduled 3 weeks ago. I spent $200 on a new suit to really impress them and practised like crazy every imaginable question they could ask. They already had filled the position 2 weeks ago and forgot to inform me. FML

#7844217
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30487) - you deserved it (2650)

On 02/03/2010 at 11:06am - misc - by kristine29 - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, my boyfriend accused me of deleting my texts from my phone because I'm afraid of him finding out about another man in my life. Truth is, I don't have a life outside of him. FML

#7842580
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31304) - you deserved it (5505)

On 02/03/2010 at 8:57am - love - by lonestar (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my car alarm went off so I went outside to investigate. Apparently, the abundant rain water in my street had swept a trash can five houses down, only to be stopped by my car. My bumper was dented by a run-away waste receptacle. FML

#7837909
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23678) - you deserved it (2438)

On 02/03/2010 at 1:27am - misc - by rainey (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was developing film at walmart. It started to get a little warm, so I began taking off my sweatshirt. This creepy old man approaches me, saying "You know, usually girls like you are paid to take their clothes off." FML

#7837856
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32648) - you deserved it (4181)

On 02/03/2010 at 1:24am - misc - by hotandbothered (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my car got a wheel lock because I had 5 tickets. Three of those tickets dated back to 2006. I got my car and license in 2008. FML

#7835541
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32506) - you deserved it (3485)

On 02/03/2010 at 12:11am - money - by olyswimmer (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, after calling my boyfriend and telling him that my dog had just died, he hesitated and stuttered "She was old, sick, and suffering. Babe, it was her time to go." He then informed me he had to go to his friend's house and hung up. My dog was 2, in great health, and was hit by a car. FML

#7835158
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33429) - you deserved it (2820)

On 02/03/2010 at 12:03am - animals - by Brittany (woman) - United States (California)



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