FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my car was stolen. I got it back later without the engine, any of the wheels or my brand new radio and speakers. They even took my car mats. FML

by Ro / 10/04/2010 at 10:39pm / United States (Illinois) / Transportation

Today, I asked my mom why she decided to be a parent. She replied, in all seriousness, "Everyone else was doing it." FML

by ugh / 10/04/2010 at 8:57pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, I was giving my boyfriend road head. He closed his eyes when he came, and crashed into a pole. I have whiplash, and a very very angry father. FML

by Anonymous / 10/04/2010 at 8:47pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, my varsity swim team got second place in the State meet. My coach said I could bring the trophy home for the weekend. On the way home, I accidentally sat on it and broke it, cutting my butt. FML

by kat101 / 10/04/2010 at 6:11pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went jet skiing with my girlfriend of four years. I intended to propose to her. The $2000 ring fell out of my pocket and into the lake. I have no idea where it is. FML

by Anonymous / 10/04/2010 at 2:14pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, my roommate who stays out til 4 or 5 in the morning each night got her key to the dorm fixed. I've been having to stay up nightly to let her in (my normal bedtime being 12:00) How'd they fix it? Turns out it was never broken she was just putting the key in the slot wrong. FML

by megmo7 / 10/04/2010 at 4:24am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I visited my vacation cabin. I've been planning to sell it, and it was in perfect condition when I last visited about 6 months ago. I walked in the door to find the floor covered in muddy pawprints and bloody remainders of meals. It appears some bears moved in during my absence. FML

by screwthewilderness / 10/04/2010 at 2:46am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my "I don't believe in pre-marital sex" boyfriend is the father of my younger sister's newborn baby. After four years of being in a serious, but sexless, relationship, I am now single, horny, and an aunt. FML

by Anonymous / 10/04/2010 at 12:04am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was tossing my car keys into the air and catching them. I threw them up really high, only to have them land in the branches of the palm tree outside my door, at the very top. FML

by 2234 / 10/03/2010 at 10:10pm / United States (Texas) / Transportation

Today, I was coming out of my work and a group of guys yelled, "Oh shoot girl!" and I blew them a kiss jokingly, then as I walked down the street, cars were honking at me, guys whistling. When I got home I noticed the foot long rip down my pencil skirt. FML

by ohshootgirl / 10/03/2010 at 10:06pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I woke up finding out I had a wet dream last night. About someone other than my girlfriend. I don't remember anything about the dream, but my girlfriend remembers everything, aparently I talked through out my dream, she was right next to me listening. FML

by Anonymous / 10/03/2010 at 10:04pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my dad found the ugliest picture my mom has ever taken. I show it to her laughing. She said it looks like me. I looked again and it kind of does. FML

by krt / 10/03/2010 at 7:29pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I put my good shoes out the window and on the roof to dry out because they were sopping wet. When I went to check them later on, they were still wet. And soaked in bird poop. FML

by baconman86 / 10/03/2010 at 6:24pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals